Riding the Dark Horse
by BensonsFaerieWings
Summary: This is a story mainly about Olivia finding herself again, and also finding love in one of the most unexpected places. This is not E/O. Additionally, they rock an interesting crime scene! Rated M for crime scene. **Update is coming soon! I promise! :
1. Chapter 1

LEGAL: I do not own any of the characters from SVU – they belong to Dick Wood and NBC – I just borrowed them for a play date… I promise to return as they were taken – Additionally, I have borrowed the music from Nickelback's The Dark Horse for inspiration.

**Riding the Dark Horse**

Chapter 1 ~ Shakin Hands ~ _Present _

I flew up the three flights to my apartment, anxious to get the grime of the streets off of me as quickly as I could. I threw open the door to my apartment and went straight to the stereo to blast my newest obsession, the latest from Nickelback _Dark Horse_. I put it straight on track 8 _Shakin Hands_, my current favorite song, which was a bit ironic given my profession and the fact that it talked all about a professional high-class prostitute. With a little laugh, I headed to the kitchen to grab a glass of wine to unwind and from there headed straight to the bathroom. I was a woman on a mission of relaxation and beautification with limited time to spare. I looked anxiously at the clock and realized that I had just 2 hours to get ready and get to the destination of the evening.

Upon entering the bathroom, I set the wine down on the side of the tub. I blasted the hot water and poured in some of my favorite bubble bath, Japanese Cherry Blossom. I watched the bubbles fill for just a moment before moving about the rest of the plan. I lit the matching candle that never left the bathroom. It always made unwinding so much easier when there was good music, wine and beautiful smells flowing around the bath.

With that, I headed to my bedroom and began slowly removing the articles of my career, and placing them in their home for the night. Detective Benson was in for the evening, tonight was all about Olivia, so first off came the gun, safety secured and hidden in the drawer of the nightstand, second the badge placed right next to it, and finally the handcuffs, the only piece of the trio that I had thought would be an interesting accompaniment to the evening. "Now that would be a little presumptuous, don't you think?" I thought to myself.

Once the items were secured for the night, I removed the remainder of the day's clothing, rapidly, in a hurry to get as far away from that world as I could for even just one night. I refused to let my mind wander and think of the files, the victims or the theories. Tonight was about me and it was going to take a lot of reminders for me to remember, but I was determined.

Settling into the bath, I grabbed the wine and took a few sips before resting my head back and sinking down into the water up to my chin. There was nothing like a hot bath at the end of the day to take the stresses away. This was often my cure for work overload. I let the warm water soak away all of my troubles and issues from the day, and then set about the hair removal process. I made sure to shave all the important areas, after all there would be some need to show them off for once. I laughed to myself, and thought, "As if they haven't been seen in worse shape before…. Anyway, this night is about you and no one else. Get dressed for yourself, primp for yourself, whoever else pays attention is just a bonus in the end."

I toweled off and set about the process of getting my hair under control, which some days was a bigger challenge than the cases I dealt with at work. I decided that putting it up would be the best way to show off the new earrings that I had purchased for the evening. As the music continued to blare around me, I got into the idea of primping and pruning myself for a fun evening out… even started to enjoy it. I laughed at myself in the mirror at even the thought of such a thing. It was not like me to be like this. "It must be the company I plan to be keeping this evening," I thought to myself. Once my hair had been completed, I headed into the bedroom to get dressed. Almost forgetting that I had just spent a good half hour fixing my hair, I almost went for a simple pullover shirt. "No there is hair with hairspray up there… we must find something hair friendly," I laughed to myself. Not being one of the "girls" I rarely had this problem, so it was hard to find something that would work out right. I decided on a red sleeveless wrap blouse. It tied in the back, but gave me the comfort of the button down shirts I was used to, while providing a decent view of the girls.

I sat down on the bed and put on the matching body lotion from my bubble bath on my legs and arms to smooth the skin after shaving. I then pulled on black thigh-highs and attached them to the bottom of the strapless corset that I wore casually under my shirt and added a beautiful matching lace thong that was a recent purchase. I grabbed my short black pencil skirt with the side slits up to the thigh off the ironing board, where I had left it this morning so that I wouldn't chicken out of wearing it. Finally, I grabbed my black side cutout five inch heels from the bottom of my closet and put them on my feet. I took a step back and took a quick moment to check it out in the mirror.

"Yea that will do," I scoffed before heading to the bathroom. In the bathroom, I put on my makeup and everything was going along flawlessly until I went to put the final touch on my lips. I hunted everywhere for my favorite lip gloss, Satsuma Lip Gloss. It was a must for any evening out and I always have tons on hand. In a fury, I threw apart the bathroom before it dawned on me where it was – sitting on my desk at work just waiting for me to bring it home.

I looked at the clock, 25 minutes until I was supposed to be at the restaurant, surely I could swing by and make it to the restaurant on time. I hemmed and hawed for a few minutes, before giving in and deciding to just run by the squad room and pick up my lip gloss. I just knew that my night would not work out for the best if I did not have it – it was like my good luck charm. I sighed at the thought of having to deal with the guys, but knew I was used to it and that I also knew how to ignore them. I would just run in and run back out and not say anything to anyone. I crossed my fingers and prayed that it would work. With that, I shut off everything, grabbed my keys, wristlet and cell phone and flew out the door, hoping like heck there would be available cabs outside. Luckily, I found someone getting out of one and flew into it. I gave the cabbie the station address and sat back to take a breath. He got me there in good time. I tossed him the fare and ran into the station. Not wanting to appear too rushed, I slowed my pace as I entered the squad room. I ran to my desk avoiding eye contact with Fin, Cragen and Elliott, who had pulled the night shift to work the case at hand. Cragen was the first to comment,

"You better have forgotten where you were going." I just grabbed my gloss, gave him a wink and spun on my heel to leave, but not before hearing Fin say,

"So, who's the lucky one tonight?" I just laughed to myself and flew to the front door knowing that I had just ten minutes before I would end up being late.


	2. Chapter 2

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent….

**Author's Notes:** I haven't written a fanfic for SVU before. I hope that you will like and please do review and let me know what your thoughts are. Thanks for taking the time to pop by and check it out.

**Chapter 2 ~ **_**Something in Your Mouth ~ Two Weeks Prior **_

"Benson, Stabler, I need you to get to the Prickly Pear for a homicide." Cragen called from his office. "Warner's already on scene."

I nodded to the Captain, grabbed my jacket, keys, phone and headed for the car.

"You going to wait for me?" Elliot called after me.

I just rolled my eyes and yelled over my shoulder,

"I am not the one taking my sweet time. Are you going to move any faster?"

I just kept walking, knowing that he would make his way to the car eventually, and at least this way, I would be able to drive for once. Since returning from Oregon, I had realized that my partner's idiosyncrasies were more annoying than nails on a chalkboard to me. His antics have just become more than I can tolerate. I had thought about asking Cragen for a partner swap, but being the determined person that Detective Benson is, I decided that it was an unacceptable option. I was determined to make this work and to make it work well. I have overcome more professional obstacles than most, and was just going to add this to the list of things I overcame.

I looked in the rearview and caught a glimpse of Elliot sauntering towards the car, wearing his new standard uniform of a pair of jeans and long sleeved t-shirt with the denim jacket on top. I still could not get used to the idea of him not wearing the standard suit every day, but then again I guess I shouldn't judge because I had also gone a little lax on my wardrobe since returning. I revved the engine to signal my impatience with his pace and he took off running towards the car.

"Well, aren't you in a hurry this evening?" he said breathlessly as he slid into the passenger seat.

I huffed, "I don't know about you, but I would like to do my job before this becomes a cold case."

He returned with, "You know, Warner is not going to leave until we get there."

I was tired of his lackadaisical attitude tonight, like he had better things to be doing than his work. "Elliot, knock it off. I am in no mood for your quips."

We completed the ride to the Prickly Pear in complete silence. Upon arrival, we saw that the CSU team was there as well, and had gotten started on processing the exterior of the building. I imagined that they would be inside processing the scene as well. This would help to save some additional trips to the lab, and would help move things along so we could get the case solved.

I got out of the car and surveyed the scene as I walked quickly towards the officer standing at the door. The Prickly Pear was a strip club with a bright pink pear atop the building. It was located in a less than desirable neighborhood, as was to be expected. He noted that there was a bouncer at the door, but there was practically no lighting in the parking lot and no other obvious security measures outside the club. I flashed my badge to the officer and he pointed to a set of stairs on the side of the building. I turned around to see if I could locate my partner, and saw that he was getting the details from the first on-scene officers. I headed up to find Warner and check out the crime scene. At the top of the stairs, I found the most elaborate crime scene I had seen in the many years I had been on the force.

The victim was hanging upside down on a stripper pole. Her hands and feet were tied behind her, and her feet were also tied to the rafters, which was keeping her suspended in the air and to the pole. She had been blindfolded and was dressed in only a bra and pair of boyshorts. She had a number of small incisions scattered all over her body, but nothing that looked deep enough to have killed her. I spotted Melinda coming from behind the body, and walked over to get the story.

"Hey, this looks like an elaborate one."

Melinda looked up from her notes and said, "Yes, its definitely something. I am putting her time of death at just a few hours ago, but will have a better idea once I get through the whole examination."

"Any ideas on the cause of death?" I asked.

"She doesn't have the usual signs of asphyxiation, and the cuts aren't deep enough to have caused her to bleed to death. There are no signs of sexual trauma per se, but as you can see she definitely suffered."

"This is definitely some kind of torture." I said as I continued to walk through the crime scene to see if I could get any further clues on who she was and who may have committed the crime.

The room appears to have been a practice studio for the strippers as there were about 8 poles scattered through the room. Additionally, the walls were lined with mirrors, as was traditional with dance studios. I noted that there was no real splatter along the mirrors, but that there were some small droplets on the floor below the body, which was consistent with the cuts having dripped after being inflicted while the victim was still alive. I saw that there was an office area off to the side of the room. I walked over to see if there was any identifying information in the area. It was very neat, hardly a piece of lint out of place. Not only was nothing out of place, but there was also no identifying information as to who our victim was. I heard the heavy footsteps of my partner on the stairs and turned to face him, to catch his reaction to the scene, and see if he had any information from the officers outside. He paused just as he hit the top step and got the full effect of the scene, I saw the shock and awe hit his face, and then the quick transformation back into his detective mode. We were all like that, we would all have a personal reaction and then push it to the side. It was accepted as professionalism, but I often wondered how healthy it really was in the long run.

"What did you get?" I asked him as I walked towards him. I hoped that he would have some sort of clue about her identity, at least.

"Wow, that's a scene." He commented quickly. "She was found by one of the ladies downstairs, said her name was Bubbles. The officers didn't get much information because once they saw the state of the body, they knew it would belong to us. You know how they get, don't want to put in too much effort when they won't get the credit." He chuckled. I just rolled my eyes, understanding all too well what he was speaking about.

"Well, I think I am going to head downstairs, and find Bubbles. Do you think you can concentrate in front of a bunch of naked women?" I asked with a chuckle as I walked to the stairs.

"Liv, give me a break." He said as he followed closely behind. "It will be my pleasure, even though after working here for years, it does nothing for me anymore. Side effect of the job, I suppose." We both laughed at that one, knowing that there were far many more side effects that we rarely spoke of, but dealt with often. They were things that other people would never understand, unless they had experienced them as we had. It was one of the common bonds amongst our team that was silently understood.

I walked into the Prickly Pear, and heard the song, _Something in Your Mouth_. I just chuckled to myself, pulled out my badge, and leaned into the bartender.

"Where can I find Bubbles?" He nodded towards the stage.

I looked and saw a cute little blonde working her magic on the stripper pole, and thought back to the victim upstairs. I nodded to Elliot and headed towards her. When I got up to the stage, I was approached by a burly man, who was obviously on security detail. I flashed my badge, and said,

"I need to speak with Bubbles." He nodded gruffly and pointed towards a door off to the side.

I headed that way and found myself behind the stage. I waited patiently as I heard the last chorus of the song cursing through the stereo system. I looked around at my surroundings and realized that it was obvious, the show was on the other side. This side was barely taken care of with peeling paint on the walls and a general just gross appearance on all levels. As my eyes came back around to the stage area, I was greeted by a pair of huge naked breasts.

"Who are you?" asked Bubbles.

"Detective Benson," I said, once again flashing my badge instinctively, "I need to speak with you about the woman you found upstairs. You can get dressed first though."

"I thought that they already had everything they needed. What do you want?" She asked as she grabbed a t-shirt and sweatpants from a nearby chair.

"I am from Special Victims Unit. My unit has taken over the case and so I need to get the details from you directly. Can you tell me the name of the victim?"

"Mistress of Hotness," she replied simply.

"Okay, do you know her real name or just her stage name?"

"That's the only name I know. But you may want to speak with Lacey, she knew her better than anyone. I only took her class." I took out my pad and began taking down the notes.

"What class?"

"She taught us how to work the pole."

"Did she perform here often as well?"

Bubbles laughed aloud. "Definitely not. She was highly against the idea of performing here. She always told us that we could be doing better things with our talent."

"So, why did she have her studio above the club if she was against the idea of stripping?"

"I am new here, so you would have to ask Lacey about that one. Listen, I have to get ready for my next set, are we done?" She asked impatiently.

"Where can I find Lacey?" I asked quickly.

"On the bar by the fountain, if she is still performing. Otherwise, you will need to wait until she returns." She said slowly.

"Listen, I am not going to bust her on anything, I just need to learn more about the victim. Here is my card, please call me if you think of anything else." I handed her the card.

"Fine," she said taking the card. "If you don't see her on the bar, ask the bartender how long she will be." With that she walked away and disappeared behind a curtain blocked by yet another security professional. I took that as my cue to leave and returned to the main floor to find my partner. I saw him speaking to one of the bouncers and walked over to see how he was making out.

"Hey, so what have you got?" I asked.

"Hey. This is James. He said that the victim owned a dance studio upstairs, but to find out anything pertinent, we need to speak with Lacey. Seems our victim was not an employee here."

"Yea, I hear that we can find Lacey by the fountain. Care to take a walk with me?" I asked as I headed across the room. I did not see any women by the bar, but figured that I would give it a shot anyway.

As I got closer to the bar, I noticed that the patrons were all as far away from this area as they could be. It was like a ghost town near this bar, which was unusual when the regular bar was packed. Upon arriving at the bar, I noticed that it was not your standard bar. It was more like a store for sexual activities. I saw the "bartender" attempting to get things hidden. I walked faster and flashed my badge. He quickly ducked behind a curtain in the back of the bar.

"Interesting, think he has something to do with this?"

"No, I think he doesn't want to get busted for pimping out the ladies." Elliot laughed. I decided to see if I could reach out to whoever was behind the bar.

"Hello, anyone back there?" I yelled to be heard over the music but I did not get a response back. I turned back to Elliot,

"Well, it does not look like this is the best time to reach Lacey. Any suggestions?"

"I can talk to my bouncer friend and see if he has any further information." I shrugged my shoulders and followed him back to James knowing that no one would come from behind the curtain as long as I was present. I reached James and Elliot.

"James, we need to find Lacey. We are trying to solve a case, and we could make a lot of trouble for the club if you decide to impede our investigation. However, if you are willing to cooperate, we are willing to look the other way regarding the illegal activities going on in the fountain area." Elliot tried to reason with the bouncer.

"Fine, don't get your knickers in a bunch." The bouncer responded gruffly. "She's probably busy at the moment, but what if I promise to have her come down to the station after." Elliot looked at me and I figured it was worth a shot at least.

"If you don't, my partner will be sure to come down here with every police officer in New York, the Prickly Pear will be no more and you will be performing those favors in Rickers." I commanded to ensure that he got the point that not complying would not be in his best interest. Elliot handed him his card and said,

"I expect to see you both in the next couple of hours."

With that we walked outside, and headed to the car. I turned and looked to see if CSU was still processing, but it appeared that they had also completed their task.

"Back to the house?" I asked as I got into the driver's seat.

"Yes, let's see if Melinda has anything for us yet. Speak to Cragen and the guys to see if they have any thoughts on the matter."


	3. Chapter 3 Part 1

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent….

**Author's Notes:** I rated this mature because of the crime scene mostly, just to be sure no one is offended. Additionally, I am taking a **little liberty with the timeline**, but trying to stay as true to character and everything as I can. Please pardon if I veer off course a little bit. Additionally, I would like to thank the episode _"Florida"_ for being my inspiration for Olivia's anger and some of her dialogue. **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen! They correct me when I am out of line, fix me when I am offbase and generally keep me from writing too out of whack to follow. Hugs!

_**Chapter 3 ~ Part 1 ~Just to Get High**_

Elliot and I walked into the Medical Examiner's office and found Melinda working over the body of our victim. She does not look up to greet us, she just says,

"It's worse than it looked at the scene." While that statement registered with us, she looks up with the same sad eyes that we all have gotten over the years after seeing case after case of the worst side of people that you can find.

"What've you got?" I asked.

"She was cut over 100 times with a small instrument, probably a scalpel. It's a very clean cut. But that took place after she was raped, drugged and hung up on the pole. I believe that the drugs were meant to kill her after the rape took place. It was an equine sedative called Acepromazine. It appears that from the bleed pattern amongst the cuts, that the torture took place awhile after the hanging, drugging, and rape. Whoever did this definitely wanted her to know their hatred for her."

"Do we know who she is?" I asked.

"Janie Oliver, a 30-year old stockbroker." Melinda stated producing a set of fingerprints and the matching report.

"Was there any DNA?" asked Elliot, as I reviewed the report.

"No DNA was present vaginally. There was some debris under her fingernails, but I was unable to determine if she fought back or not. She may have been drugged prior to the rape, but it's hard to tell. I sent the scrapings over to CSU so they could examine them further. We'll let you know if we find anything. Please catch this guy, this was just unnecessary." Melinda said sighing.

"Thanks, Mel." I said as I walked towards the door. I pause by the door and smile to myself as I hear Melinda turn on her closet rocker music, which only came on when she was working alone. I hear the familiar tunes of _Nickelback's Just to Get High_, and find it somewhat appropriate for this case.

When I reached the car, I turned to Elliot and said,

"I am headed to her apartment. We need to find out who this girl is."

"I thought that you wanted to catch up with the guys and Cragen to see what their thoughts were on this one." Elliot questioned as we stood by the car.

"I do, but I don't think that it's going to help us to talk about her all night when we really don't know anything about her yet. So, how about I go call CSU and meet them at the apartment and you head back to the station to beat ideas around with the guys?"

Elliot just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I can do that and maybe our mystery stripper will have turned up by then. Do you mind dropping me at the station?"

"No, I can do that." We got in the car and drove to the station in silence. We drove around like that a lot these days. I let him out at the curb.

"I will call you if I find anything at the apartment. Let me know what the stripper says. See you later."

With that I drove away towards Central Park West, calling CSU on the way so that we could arrive about the same time. Central Park West was not a bad neighborhood for a stockbroker, but definitely not the norm for a victim found above a seedy strip club. I pulled up to a gorgeous high-rise called _The Eldorado_. I looked at the report again and saw that she lived on the 29th floor. I walked up to the doorman and flashed my badge.

"Can you let me into the apartment of Janie Oliver?"

The doorman looked at me nervously and said, "I better get the manager. Please wait here." With that, he disappeared inside for a few minutes. He reappeared with a gentleman in a suit, looking much annoyed that his evening had been interrupted.

"Can I help you?" the annoyed manager asked.

"Yes, my name is Detective Benson. I need to investigate the apartment of Janie Oliver. Would you be able to give me access?" I asked sweetly.

"May I ask what this is regarding? Ms. Oliver is not in right now." He responded curtly.

"Yes, I know where Ms. Oliver is and if you choose not to let me in, you will be impeding a murder investigation. So I would advise that you make your life easier and let me in."

"Oh my! In that case, please do come in." He said as he opened the door for me. "My name is Jerome. We have so many people who have fraudulent reasons for attempting access, I have to be discerning when entertaining strangers. I am sure you understand."

"Yes, Jerome. Thank you for your time. Did you know Ms. Oliver very well?" We talked as we made our way to her apartment.

"She has lived here for the past five years. She was a quiet tenant with very few visitors, but always friendly with the staff."

"Did you happen to notice if anything was different with her lately?"

Jerome paused for a moment, and then responded, obviously choosing his words carefully. "I am not sure what changed, but she was definitely dressing different and she was keeping different hours than she had before. In fact, it caused a bit of a problem with the night security because he didn't recognize her one evening and would not let her into the building until I came out and identified her."

"How was she dressing different? What kind of different hours?"

"She was dressing a little more revealing, a little less Central Park West and a little more 42nd Street, if you know what I mean… And she was no longer keeping her usual 9 to 5, it turned out to be more like Midnight to 9 a.m. I thought that it was odd, but as long as everything was still paid, that's all that matters to management." He shrugged as he opened the door to the apartment.

"Did she have a boyfriend?"

"If she did, he never came here. Like I said before Ms. Oliver had very few, if any, guests. If you don't mind, I am going to head back downstairs. Please let me know when you are done for the evening."

"I will. Please take my card and call me if you think of anything else." I said handing him over my card. I slipped on some latex gloves and walked into the apartment. It was sparsely furnished with a modern style. In the living room and kitchen, there were no personal photos or signs of life showing that it was more than just model apartment. I made my way into the kitchen and saw that there was very little in the refrigerator, just some very fresh vegetables and some bottled water. There were no signs of any pets or children. I made my way to the bedroom and found the one room that actually showed signs of life. It looked as though someone had just gotten up, gotten ready for work and left out for the day. It looked very similar to how I left my room in the morning before work. I looked through the nightstands to see if there was anything that would help me get to know her better. I found a journal and thumbed through a few pages before setting it aside for further scrutiny at a later date. There still were no personal photos around this room either. Within the huge walk-in closet, I found a filing cabinet that proved to be the jackpot of the apartment. There was information on a whole other life of our victim. I found her tax returns from years on Wall Street and all the profits made there. I also found documentation on her resignation from "Hailey and McDermott" (and made a mental note to swing by there tomorrow to get further details). Then I found the most surprising folder of information: information on starting a dance studio at the Prickly Pear for Pole Dancing. "So our victim, really chose to do a complete 180 in her life?" I thought to myself. The rest of the closet was filled with an assortment of suits, and other business professional ensembles. There was a trunk in the corner, which housed all of the clothing that must have been purchased during the lifestyle transition. But there was nothing out of the ordinary, except when you thought about it being in the closet of a former Wall Streeter. However, very little caught me off guard these days.

Once I was finished with the apartment, I decided that I would go back to the Prickly Pear to see if I could find out any more information. It was getting to be the wee hours of the morning, so they should be winding down for the night and more willing to talk. Just as I had expected, upon arriving at the club, I found the parking lot almost deserted. I saw the police tape still intact on the door leading to the upstairs, as I walked to the front door. I noticed that there was a different bouncer on the door, and hoped that meant that our friend, James, was downtown speaking with Elliot. I flashed him my badge before asking,

"Did you know anything about the "Mistress of Hotness"?"

"Oh, you mean Janie?" He replied.

"Yes. How well did you know her?"

"Well enough." He hesitated.

"Ok, I am going to need a little more than that. What can you tell me about her?" I asked hearing the impatience rising in my voice. "All I want to do is find out who hurt her. Wouldn't you like to help out a friend?"

"Fine. Let's sit." He said motioning to a table at the back in a quiet area. I followed, hoping that this would prove worthwhile. "Janie started her studio about 2-3 months ago after taking Pole Dancing classes for years. It was kind of like her release while she was working Wall Street."

"What made her leave Wall Street?"

"She was tired of it, I guess. That and she was tired of suits always thinking that they could push her around because she was a woman in a man's world."

"Anyone in particular push her around?" I asked pulling out my pad to make sure I got the notes correct.

"The most recent was a Jeffrey Donovan. He was a head honcho at her firm, Hailey & McDermott. He thought that he owned her and told her that if she left the company he would make sure she had nowhere to go. So she made it so that she did have somewhere to go."

"How did the Pole Dancing become her career? That's a far stretch from Wall Street, even if you have been taking classes for awhile." I inquired.

"She met Lacey at one of her classes. Lacey is always trying to find new ways to spruce up her act so that she can make her way out of this place. Not all the girls are strippers for life. Janie always liked to help someone who was looking to better their life. So after speaking with Lacey, she decided that she would put a dance studio upstairs, making it easy for the girls to get to and she would teach them all the best moves, so they could all improve their acts and move on. She felt that she would be helping them to improve their lives, while at the same time improving her own by getting away from Donovan."

"How did the other strippers take to her classes?"

"If they had the time and money, they all spent time up there. I think that some of the strippers even looked to her strength to bolster their own. She wasn't like a madam or anything, but still a role model of sorts. Maybe the light at the end of the tunnel."

"Would any of them feel that she had slighted them? Did she have problems with anyone else that you can recall?"

"None of the girls from here would have hurt her. They all adored her and were thankful for her work. It wasn't much, but it was helping them garner some much bigger tips. I even heard a few say that they were headed back to school after a couple more shows. So it was paying off big for them. As for other enemies, you may want to check out her "best friend" Amy Harden. She works out of a hair salon called Wondrous Wigs. She had a bit of a jealousy streak in her."

"Sir, may I ask your name?"

"Oh, yes, sorry introductions seemed to have slipped my mind. I am Charlie."

"And Charlie, one more question. How did you know Janie?"

"Janie used to frequent this hotel bar that I worked at down by her office building and we would talk all the time. So we became good friends. When she mentioned that she was going to be switching professions, I told her that I would be a bouncer at the club to protect her. I would be able to watch outside while watching inside. But it seems that whoever got to her knew I wouldn't be working this evening."

"Where were you this evening?" I asked cautiously.

"I had tickets to a show with my daughter. We went to see the Lion King." He produced the ticket stubs. "I came in for the late late shift to make up some of the hours. We don't get great benefits here."

"Well, Charlie, thank you so much for your information. Here's my card, call if you can think of anything else." I said getting up from the table and walking out the door.

I decided to head back to the station and share the information that I had found with the guys and to see if I could get some further information on Jeffrey Donovan and Amy Harden. I felt that they were the two best leads in the bunch.

As I got out of the elevator and headed towards the Squad Room, I saw Elliot come barreling towards me out of nowhere, with that annoyed look in his eyes. "Oh boy! What the hell is his problem now" I thought to myself feeling the irritation work its way up.

"Nice of you to finally show up." He barked. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Seriously, you are not asking me that question. Working an investigation where did you think I was – getting laid or something?" I said attempting to walk past him.

"Well that's real professional. I have had Cragen up my ass for the past two hours looking for you."

"You really don't want to talk to me about professionalism. How does it feel for a change to have the shoe on the other foot and have Cragen up your ass looking for me."

"Oh, don't give me that crap. He's been up my ass about more than you would know, since you rarely have your emotions in check anyway. As it is, you have brought your own share of drama here lately. At least I didn't aide and abet a fugitive." I glared at him and lost it.

"You, of all people, who is the poster boy for rage, have no right to talk to me about controlling my emotions. You also lost the privilege to question my motives when it comes to my family long ago!" I screamed. "Now get away from me."

"There you go running away again. Get back here young lady. You are going to tell me where you were because CSU packed up hours ago and yet you were still wandering around without contacting anyone. How was I supposed to know if you were hurt?" He spoke with this annoyingly calm voice that he always used when he was treading carefully with a "crazy" person.

"Who the hell do you think you are speaking to? I am not one of your kids, not that they would listen to your sorry ass excuse of a father anyway. You couldn't give two shits what happens to me. We are lucky if we even speak. So give up the act and admit that my whereabouts were none of your concern, until Cragen asked that is." I shoved him out of my way and continued towards the squad room, when he did the unthinkable. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"I am not done with you." With fire in my eyes, I ripped my arm from his, and yelled,

"CRAGEN EVEN KNOWS BETTER THAN TO PULL THAT SHIT! NOW GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!"

"No. I want an explanation dammit. You have been a bitch to me ever since you came back to SVU, worse than before you left. What is your problem?"

That was it! I was done with him. I slapped him hard across the face. "You will regret ever saying those words to me, Stabler. Didn't you ever think that I would wise up and get tired of you being a prick all the time. Why don't you go home to your booty call of convenience and the next time your daughter gets locked up for losing her mind, YOU figure out how to help her. I am done with you." I knew the words were going to sting and I was ready for the repercussions. This fight was a long time coming and I was ready to have it out here in the middle of the precinct at 3 in the morning. I barely had time to duck before I saw his hand coming at me. Before I knew what was happening he had me pinned to the wall, similarly to how he tends to pin perps to the wall, with a hand on each side of my head, standing firmly in front of me. I knew the only way to get out was to duck under his arm and elbow him. There was no way he was going to detain me like I was a common criminal. As I hit him in the side he fell to the ground saying, "I think that you have lost your mind. Look what you are doing to yourself."

I heard those same words the night I lost my cool with Thatcher and kicked the crap out of him in the interrogation room. I felt every stitch of anger and resentment coming back to me, and without thinking hauled off and kicked my partner square in ribs.

As he yelled from the pain, I blindly yelled through my anger and frustration, "You better apologize to me. I am not your property to hold until you find me useful. Now you will never lay a hand on me again, you understand?!" With that I kicked him again and again until I felt someone pick me up and pull me back. I hadn't seen John come out of the squad room, I only heard him as he said,

"LIV! What are you doing?" as he dragged me away from Elliot.

I heard Fin before I saw him too.

"You should know better than to touch her!" He screamed at Elliot as he came running towards me.

Cragen was helping Elliot up when he heard Fin's comment. His head shot up quickly, and he said,

"John, get her out of here. Take her to the roof or something. She needs to cool off before I deal with her. Elliot, get to the crib and relax for a minute. I will send someone up to check on you. Fin, my office."

"Why do I have to leave? He started this mess." I yelled struggling against John.

"Olivia, I'm done. Do it or be suspended." Cragen said with a slightly raised voice and looking at me with those sad eyes that he got whenever the ranks were disrupted in his unit. He knew we were a messed up bunch, but also knew what it was like when part of the chain was missing. I gave up struggling and huffed away. I headed straight for the roof, the place that always brought me calm.

Right before I was heading up the stairs, I caught Fin's eyes as he was headed towards Cragen's office. I mouthed,

"Don't you dare." He just nodded and walked away.


	4. Chapter 3 Part 2

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent….. or the cyrus duo as it is their song that is referenced this time…

**Author's Notes:** Please do bear in mind that I am being a bit liberal with my use of the timeline of the show and what not. **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen (This chapter is good because of Karen, especially!) They correct me when I am out of line, fix me when I am offbase and generally keep me from writing too out of whack to follow, which sometimes can be a hard task I know. Hugs!

_**Chapter 3 ~ Part 2 ~ Ready, Set, Don't Go ~Cragen POV**_

I looked up from my desk out into the squad room. I saw the desks of my four best detectives with ease from my office, and I noticed that my secret weapon was still among the missing. I checked my watch, for probably the millionth time in the last half hour, and saw that it was nearing 3 a.m. Although, I knew that Olivia would not knowingly put herself in harm's way without there being a good reason, I also knew that I should be concerned because it was unlike her to be out of contact for so long. I thought about inquiring with Elliot again, but knew that it would not get me anywhere at this point. The relationship between them had been more than a little rocky these days, to say the least. I had thought that splitting them up would be the best option, however after a psychological review, it was determined that would not be in the best interest of the unit or the detectives. So I took the advice and chose to keep them together. These days I spent my time ensuring that nothing got out of hand, and while some days I felt like a glorified babysitter, I knew that it was the best option at this point for all the current and future victims because they worked the best when they had each other to bounce off of, even when they were angry – sometimes their anger was the best motivator for them as well. Generally speaking, however, it was not often a problem as they were both professionals, but every so often it would rear its ugly head.

I let my eyes return to the paperwork on my desk, which featured the details of our newest case, a Wall Street broker turned pole dancer, tortured and hung, left to die in what we had assumed became her new workplace. This case was definitely going to be an interesting one and the squad was already working around the clock to close it quickly. I was hoping that it would be one of our quicker cases, as my squad had not had much down time lately, and I could see that it was starting to wear on them. It was time that they got some down time, even if they all just spent it doing paperwork for a couple of days. At least they wouldn't be running all over creation banging their heads against walls to trying to find clues on cases, and they would get a mental break if nothing else. The paperwork often left you more drained than the cases did, but at least you didn't have the cases keeping you up at night making your mind race in circles when your body couldn't anymore. I often worried about burn-out with my crew because all my detectives had long surpassed the standard life expectancy of a stay in the Special Victims Unit. But each had developed their own defense mechanisms along the way to assist in the coping with the line of work we did. Some may look at them as dysfunctional, but until you work in this unit for years at a time, you cannot judge how another person moves through the life of a SVU detective. We see the most gruesome and heinous crimes that man can commit against each other day in and day out. I knew that they all had their own personal demons, as most do, but I knew that they knew how to tackle them and make it through life without allowing the personal demons to become more than manageable, to me that made them just as normal as most. And on most days, I often could not be prouder of them and their work, both for the victims and the squad as a whole.

A commotion from the squad room, once again stirred me from my thoughts. I quickly stood and went to investigate the cause. As I entered from my office, I did not see anything out of the ordinary, but I did hear the raised voices of my problem children.

"Oh, this cannot be good," I thought to myself. Suddenly, I saw John shoot out of his chair and head for the hallway, the site of the commotion. Fin followed closely behind, and I ran in the same direction.

The scene I happened upon was eerily familiar, while at the same time completely out of place. Elliot was on the ground and Olivia was kicking at him and screaming at the same time. John grabbed Olivia from behind and pulled her away. Fin then stepped in front of her, and I stepped forward to help Elliot up. As Fin stepped in, I saw him look at Elliot and say, "You, of all people, should know better than to touch her."

My head spun around to look for answers from Fin, but he was focused on keeping Olivia away from Elliot. I yelled to John to take her to the roof to cool off. We both needed to chill out before I dealt with her.

"Fin, my office." I yelled as he stalked away.

As Olivia left, I saw her look directly at Fin, and say, "Don't you dare."

I helped Elliot up and told him to go up to the crib to calm down, so I could talk to Fin first.

I quickly headed to my office and shut the door. I wasted no time and said, "What was that about?"

"How should I know? I got out there about the same time you did."

"Fin, what was Olivia talking to you about? And why should Elliot know better than to touch her?"

"Captain, you know as well as me, that it never sits well with her. One would figure after being her partner for all these years, he would have gotten the hint." He said nonchalantly.

I knew it was going to be a pain to get any information from him, but I also knew that I had to try. I had hoped that he would work with me a little, so much for wishful thinking.

"Elliot never pays attention to that rule of hers. What made this time so different?" I asked attempting to lead Fin slowly into my real question. It was a question that had been weighing on my mind for quite some time, but I had never had the right opportunity to ask. This situation pushed me into the right opportunity, without me really wanting to go there yet, but knowing that I would need the answers in order to address the situation appropriately. I hoped that Fin would let me lead the way and would just answer me without putting up too much of a fuss.

He rose from his chair and looked me straight in the eye and said, "Maybe that is the problem. Maybe she has finally had it with him." Fin huffed and then sat back down. Elliot and he also did not get along well either. He looked up and asked, "Captain, why aren't you asking Olivia all of this? Wouldn't she be the best person to ask about her own motives?" At that moment, I knew that Fin was not going to let me do this the easy way.

"Alright listen. I need some answers and I need them from you. So I am just going to straight shoot. Why did Olivia say 'Don't you dare.' to you as she left? What aren't you two telling me?" I sat down at my desk to push home the point that the conversation was not over until I had the answers I needed from him.

Fin reluctantly started to speak slowly, "I am not keeping anything from you. She's just been through a lot and he needs to respect that."

"What has she been through?" I asked as my concern grew. If something happened to her and I couldn't protect her from it, I knew I would never forgive myself for it.

"You know, working for the Fibbies, the Gaetano situation, the thing with her brother, ya know all that stuff. Basically life in general has been a rough go for her." I could tell that he was hiding something, so I pressed on.

"Yes, I know about those situations. What aren't you telling me, Fin?"

"Captain, I have nothing else to tell," he replied curtly. I lost my patience with this game.

"Dammit! I don't have time for this. What is the deal, Fin?"

Fin shifted uncomfortably in his chair and said, "It's not my place to say."

A light suddenly blinked in my head, "Sealview" was all it said so I followed it. "Did something happen at Sealview?"

Fin stood up abruptly and said, "Ask her." With that he left my office without looking back and I knew that would be the end of our conversation on this matter. I had known deep down that Fin would not reveal anything he felt was too personal because he often kept his own personal issues to himself. We barely even knew he had a son, let alone anything else personal about it. I had just hoped to have some insight before going to talk to Olivia.

I sat at my desk and contemplated my next move. I had always let Olivia choose her own way, and much like a father, it often pained me to do so, especially when she made hurtful mistakes. She was the closest I ever had to a daughter and it was an unspoken bond between us. It was this bond that often gave me sleepless nights because I knew the other detectives had a world outside of work, but for Olivia this was the only world and we were her family. It was these hard discussions with her that really made my job nearly impossible some days. I decided to put off facing her, to give both of us some time to get our thoughts together, and made my way to crib to check on Elliot.

I walked through the door and found him sitting on one of the cots with his head in his hands. "How are you feeling?"

"Ya know, I have felt her wrath before, but this was different."

My anger started to rise slightly because I wanted the chance to be able to run the conversation on my terms. I needed it to be that way to keep my temper in check, after all, my first instinct was to protect Olivia. That was actually a common thread amongst all the members of the Unit, it always had been. But I also knew that she was as much to blame as Elliot was, and I needed to be sure that Elliot was not in need of medical attention. Therefore the conversation needed to remain on my terms, so I redirected it.

"Elliot, I did not ask you that. We will get to that later. I asked you how you were doing, physically."

"Captain, I am fine."

"I still think that you should be checked out. You can either have Warner come up or you can go to the hospital if you are looking to press charges …. "

"What?! Why would you even suggest such a thing? Why would I want to press charges?" yelled Elliot as he paced around the room wincing with each step. "She's my partner. That is just crazy. I don't need Warner. I am fine."

"Elliot, sit down." I yelled. "Calm down. I have to offer you the option for pressing charges, especially if you get checked out at the hospital; however you have no options when it comes to being checked out. That's a requirement."

While Elliot took a careful seat, I called Warner on my cell. "Melinda, would you mind stopping by the squad room for a quick minute? I need a favor."

"Don, do realize the hour?" She asked somewhat impatiently.

"I do know that it's extremely early or late, but I have a situation here that I could use your help on, in more ways than one."

"What happened?" She asked with concern in her voice.

"There was an altercation in the squad room." I responded trying not to get into too many details over the phone, but knowing Melinda I knew that she wouldn't let me get away with that. So I headed out of the crib to be able to explain everything I was going to ask of her, without Elliot listening in. I began, "Olivia and Elliot got into it."

"Ok, I am listening for the part that's different than normal these days." She responded curtly.

"Fine, Melinda." I said exasperated as she had painted me into the exact corner I had not wanted to get to yet. "Olivia flipped out on him, and kicked the crap out of him. We had to pull her off of him." I knew this was going to upset her because of not only her involvement with the squad, but with the knowledge that her friendship with Olivia was one of the deepest I had ever seen. She knew things that I knew we would never know about her, and I often called upon Melinda when I needed her to give me some insight into Olivia's mind, not that Melinda would give up much. But she would at least attempt to point me in the right direction without giving me too much.

"WHAT?!" She yelled as I suddenly heard rustling in the background. "What did he do? What did he say? What caused this?"

"I am still in the process of getting that knowledge, myself. However, I do need someone to check out Elliot because he refused to go to the hospital because of the department's policy. Will you please come down?" I pleaded with her.

"Yes, Don. I am on my way, but I want to speak with Olivia. Whatever he did to her will not be forgiven."

Elliot and I waited in silence for Warner, thankfully she came by quickly. I heard her downstairs when she came in and went down to meet her.

"Hey, Melinda, let's talk in my office for a minute." I said. She nodded and followed me into the office.

"Don, have you heard anything further? How many times did she kick him? What position was she in?" she asked as soon as I closed the door.

"Well, let's just say Olivia really gave it to him. When we got to him he was on the ground with her kicking him in the stomach. Can you check him out?" I asked carefully.

"Exactly what happened, Don?" she inquired.

"I am not sure what started it when I came on scene she was kicking him." I reluctantly stated.

"Any idea what caused such a reaction?" she asked with the concern of a friend.

"I have to talk to Olivia still. I wanted to get Elliot checked out first to make sure she did not damage anything internally. He claims that he is feeling fine, but I don't see how after the wailing she gave him." I said sighing.

"Ok, let's go check him out. Remember I want to talk to Olivia before she leaves. You are sending her home, right?" She said with an accusatory tone like there was no other option available.

"I had planned on that yes. But first, I would like to speak with her and then she needs to sit down with Huang. I need to find out how deep this runs. Can I have her come find you after that?" She nodded slowly. I took that as a yes and I got up from my desk and walked her up to the crib where we found Elliot sitting where I had left him.

"Elliot." Warner said as she walked in.

"Melinda." He said looking up at her from the crib.

I left them alone to complete the exam and waited impatiently in my office. I jumped up as soon as I saw Melinda come down. I walked out to meet her.

"Well?" I asked.

"He will be fine. I figure she may have slightly bruised his ribs, but nothing is broken or requiring medical care. I told him to sit up there and relax, so that you will have some time to talk to Olivia. Please take care of her. I want to see her as soon as possible." She said firmly. "Don, I am not comfortable with this situation, I just want you to know that."

"I understand, Melinda. I apologize for putting you in this situation. But I thank you very much for your help." She nodded and walked out of the squad room.

After she left, I took a moment to call Huang. He also answered by asking, "Do you know what time it is, Don?"

"Yes, George, I do apologize for the early hour. Would you being willing to come down to the squad room?"

"What is the new case?" He asked yawning.

I learned my lesson from Melinda and reluctantly began, "There was an incident in the squad room today." I paused to take a deep breath, this was getting really uncomfortable to say. "Olivia went after Elliot, physically."

I heard George take a deep breath, himself, and ask slowly with concern, "What do you mean exactly?"

"She was screaming and kicking him when I walked in on the situation." I spat out quickly.

"Ohhhkay, do you know what caused this reaction?" He asked with more concern.

"No. I was hoping that you would be able to speak with Olivia. I know that she feels comfortable talking with you and I need to find out how deep this runs before I can decide where to go from here."

"Don, have you spoken with her yet?" He asked.

"No, but I would like to speak with her before I send her in to speak with you, unless of course you think that it would be more appropriate to do it in reverse order." I stated with a hint of question I my voice. I began to realize just how out of my element I was feeling in this situation. I really could not figure out how to react to Olivia's actions, a piece of me was so mad I could throttle her, another piece was so scared about what may have hurt her, and yet another piece just wanted to hug her forever and make it go away. That was the dad piece of me kicking in.

"I think it would be fine for you to speak with her first, Don. I need to get some things together and then I will be down. Where is she now, in relation to him?" He asked, the doctor side of him kicking in, trying to see how agitated she would be when he got there.

"I have her on the roof with Munch. I am hoping that his calming nature will help her relax and get her to start talking."

"Yes it sounds as though she needs it. I am on my way." He said and then hung up the phone.

I sighed a comfortable breath as I heard the dial tone because I knew that he would be able to speak with Olivia about things that none of us could get out of her, and I hoped that it would help to diffuse some of her anger from earlier today. I really wanted to get to the bottom of what was going on with her. She had been "off" for some time now. At times she would seem overly angry, and yet at other times, she would be withdrawn from us all. It was often hard to get a read on what kind of mood she was in when she walked into the squad room. Just like now, I always seem to end up in a confused state of emotions, when it comes to dealing with her moods. Some days I want to tell her to stop acting like a petulant child, when she's disagreed with the members of the squad or myself, and yet at other times, I just want to take her out for a walk and to try to get her to open up to me. But my professionalism often wins out above all else and I just give out the appropriate official response. It often took more than I had to keep my cool, but after years of working with them, my patience was something I relied on often. I took a few moments to think about what I would say to her. I knew a lot of it would be based on how Munch was doing with her on the roof. But I also knew that I had my own questions, that as her boss, I needed to get out. I also knew that a punishment would need to be given to both parties, but I decided that I wouldn't make that decision until after she had spoken with Huang and I got his report. I fingered a picture that was on my desk of the two of us at one of the outings the squad would go on after solving a tough case. She had probably had a little too much to drink and let her guard down, but Alex had caught this great shot where she was smiling as big as Cheshire cat, with her arm slung over my shoulder. I remember that night like it was yesterday, and it always brought a smile to my face. I decided that I would bring the photo with me, and use it as a starting point, because I really did miss seeing her smile around the squad room. I took a deep breath and knew that everything else had been taken care of, so I headed to the roof to talk with Olivia. My secret weapon, my friend, my "daughter".

It was harder to keep walking with each step that I mounted as I headed for the door to the roof, but I knew that in order to fix my squad I had to get onto the roof to talk to her. I knew that this was also the only way to get her back, and that made it the most important thing I would do or had done in some time. I took a deep breath and took a quick glance at the photo before turning the handle and stepping out onto the roof.


	5. Chapter 4 Part 1

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** I am thankful to all of you who are still reading this fic. I hope that you are enjoying it. The good stuff is coming! I chose to take the chapter down, do some edits, make it into two parts for easier reading, and then repost. Again, please afford me the leeway as I am messing with the timeline of the show a bit (but let's just say she has not spoken with the therapist yet about dealing with her PTSD), but I assure you that it will make for some interesting times along the way. Now for some Munch and Olivia time! **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen! They correct me when I am out of line, fix me when I am offbase and generally keep me from writing too out of whack to follow, which sometimes can be a hard task I know. Hugs!

_**Chapter 4 – I'd Come For You – Olivia POV**_

I ripped my arm from John's and stormed up the stairs to the roof, and slammed through the door. "Ahh! Why do I let him get to me?" I thought to myself. But all that came out into the open sky of the city was just a loud angry scream. I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I just kicked the wall at the edge of the roof. I had a lot of pent up anger, and knew that I needed to calm down, but I could not seem to find a way to let go of it. Elliot had really got just gotten under my skin way too deep in recent days, and I didn't know how to remove him. I, normally, could control my reaction to him and just keep going, granted the lack of sleep tended to lower my defenses and had caused me to lose it a few times, but that had never really mattered in the past. After my foot started to hurt from kicking the wall, I slid down and sat with my head in my hands, knees drawn up and took a few deep breaths. I hadn't heard John follow me onto the roof, and was surprised to hear him say, "Liv, calm down."

I looked up at him with angry eyes. "Why is it that everyone always wants me to calm down? No one ever tells him to knock off his shit. What the hell is that?" I snapped.

"I just don't want you to hurt yourself. What's going on?" he asked calmly as he took a seat on the ground across from me.

"I am fine. Don't worry about it." I said putting my head back down, continuing my futile attempts to take deep breaths.

"I am not going to presume to tell you what you are feeling. But I can tell you that it is not everyday that I see you go after your partner." He said quietly, as if he was treading carefully.

"Well, maybe it should be." I said angrily, as I got up to pace around the rooftop. "Maybe he will get the hint." I muttered to myself.

"What did he do this time?" John questioned.

I knew he was just trying to help, but I was losing patience with all the questions. I did not feel like explaining myself to him, it would be bad enough that I had to explain myself to Cragen later. I just rolled my eyes. "What difference does it make? I am still the one who is going to bare the brunt of the punishment. He never gets anything, it is just accepted that he is the poster boy for rage." I spat out.

"Liv, it's just not expected of you." He said slowly, like he knew it was going to infuriate me, which it did.

"So that makes it acceptable, coming from him? Nice double standard, John!" I walked away and punched the side of the stairwell, my anger was just beyond my control at this point. I was so sick of everyone making excuses for him, and leaving me to hang out to dry when he got under my skin. Like I was just supposed to deal with him all the time, I was done with that mess. After all I was supposed to be his handler, wasn't I? Such bullshit! I thought to myself.

"Olivia, it's me, John. I never make excuses for him. Fin and I always have your back, and you know that. Stop blaming me. I am just trying to get through to my friend." He said walking up to me and grabbing me by the shoulders. "Just talk to me. I am not attacking you. I want to help. Come sit with me." He tried to guide me to sit down with him, but I pulled away. I was not in the mood to be handled with kid gloves, I just wanted to be angry. It was somewhat comforting to find that I still had some emotions hidden in my being, even if it was anger, at least it was something.

"John, I am not crazy. I am just pissed off. Stop treating me like my next stop is a padded room."

"You are going to end up in one, if you don't chill out." He said simply.

"Well, thanks, that's reassuring."

"Listen, you just beat the crap out of your partner of ten years. That is kind of a big deal. Let me help you." He tried again.

"I know what I did. I gave him what he has been deserving of for years. He's always up my ass about something, and damn it I am just tired of his moodiness. I am just sick of all of it."

"Liv, I understand. I see more than you think that I see." He said quietly, as he approached me and put his hand on my shoulder. "I really just want to help. Please come sit with me." He took my hand and pulled me down to sit with him. This time, I let him, as it sank in that he really wasn't there to judge me or defend either of us, he just wanted to help however he could. I just had to force my mind to be accepting of his help, rather than to push him away.

"I walked off the elevator and his first words to me were 'Where the hell have you been?' like I am his child. What is that?" I spat out angrily. I felt my hands begin to shake as the anger grew at the sound of those words, but I fought it back with everything I had.

"We were concerned for your whereabouts."

I jumped up again, "There you go defending his actions again. What the hell? No one even bothered to ask me what I was doing? Or what I had found out about the victim. It's just assumed that I was goofing off. When have I ever done that?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. If John didn't tread carefully, he was going to bear the brunt of my fists as well.

"Liv, I, personally, had no time to ask you. Elliot, on the other hand, just never thinks straight when he's worried about you." John spoke with a light hesitation as if trying to find the right words. I knew he was trying really hard, but my anger was clouding my rational side at the same time.

"Again with the DAMN EXCUSES!" I stormed away, but knew I didn't want to leave the roof, because it would mean I was headed out the door, which would surely put my job on the line. The job was all I had wanted to get back to when I came through the door at this awful hour. I wanted to finish what I started so I could sleep, god I was tired. Suddenly, I lost all my energy and just slipped back to a seated position, and attempted to control my breathing again. The rollercoaster of emotions, and probably lack of any substantial food, was starting to make me dizzy. I looked up to the sky and saw that the sun was starting to peak up around the skyscrapers in the city. I could not believe how long I had been up. I heard the crunching of John's feet as he walked slowly towards me.

"I wanted to know you were okay, too. I was worried about you." He said quietly as he sat down next to me. "Look at me." He waited for me to look up, and when I did, he continued. "I know you have been through a lot, and I will never understand any of it. However, I know that I can be a friend, if you will let me."

I looked deep into his eyes and knew he meant each and every word. I took them into my heart and tried to accept them as truth. I wanted to accept them. I wanted to see him as a friend, not as an enemy. I wanted someone to share my life, the dark recesses of my brain with, but I was just not ready to give it all up yet. It was going to be hard enough to get across to Cragen what happened without having to give up all the nasty details. I knew there were things that he had to know, and that even John should know, but I just couldn't deal with it.

"John, I know. I just don't know how." I said simply. They were the calmest, truest words I had spoken in a long time. I shuddered at the thought of the raw emotion they conveyed. I waited for him to run or look at me differently, but he stayed just the same. It was a bit enlightening to see that I had not scared him away, and that made me wonder if I could find a new true friend in him.

"I will work with you. Let's work together, Liv." He said taking my hand. "Give me a shot. Tell me what's going on with you and maybe I can help you find a solution. If nothing else, at least it gets it out of here," he said pointing to my head. I knew that he was right but I also knew that I was far too used to protecting each and every fiber of my being, that I did not know what would happen if I were to let that guard down. I had been torn for months between just breaking down to the first person who would listen and spilling every shred of my being, to holding it all so close that no one would ever be able to even see it there as a whole, let alone be able to pick it apart.

"John, it's not that simple. Everything about it is complicated. I am not comfortable with anyone knowing my business; it should be of no one's concern but my own." I got up suddenly uncomfortable with the intimacy that was developing between the two of us. I came too close to telling him everything and that was just unacceptable to me.

"Liv, you have to give something. It's starting to affect your job. This job is your life, I know because it's my life too. Therefore if you lose this job, trying to protect whatever it is you have going on inside, where are you going to be." He said loudly, as if trying to ensure that no matter what his point hit home, and this boiled the simmering anger I had left in me.

"You think I don't know that, John! You think that I don't think about it every day of what would happen to me if I didn't have this job. I wake up just to get to work, I breathe just to help the victim, I speak just to get the questions out to solve the case at hand. I know very well that every part of my being is this job." I yelled back as I started walking to the other end of the roof away from John.

"Then, stop being so damn hardheaded and let us help you, so that you don't lose it over some prick like Elliot. He may be an ass, but he's not an ass that you should lose your job for or worse go to jail over. What if next time no one is there to intervene when you start wailing on him?" John snapped back at me. I spun around on my heel and stormed towards him.

"What makes you think I would make the same mistake twice, John? How dare you insinuate that I would harm my partner irrevocably?" I screamed in his face. He took a step back and I watched him take a deep calming breath.

"Olivia. You did not see the look in your eyes as you were kicking the crap out of him. If this doesn't get cleared it up, it will happen again. We have all been watching it simmer on the back burner for way too long. It was just a matter of time. But now that you have taken that first step over the edge, it won't be so hard for you to go over again." He said with a mix of coldness and compassion in his voice, as if he wanted to ensure that I knew the severity of situation but also that I understood he simply cared about me. He then walked straight up into my face. "I will not stand by and let you ruin your career over Elliot Stabler, do you understand me?" I was surprised by the venom that ran through his voice and even more surprised when he added, "And neither will Fin."

"What does that mean?" I questioned wanting to know what they would do.

"That means if you don't allow us, us being who ever you need, to help you get through this thing with Stabler, you will watch the two of us walk out of that squad and away from you." He stated this as simply as a coffee order.

"That's quite a statement to make, Munch. Are you prepared to follow through on it? Because I don't respond well to threats." I said haughtily. I knew it would not sit well with him, but I wanted him to understand that if I did let anyone in on this, it would not be because I was threatened by him or anyone else. My private thoughts and issues were my own and were meant to stay that way if I had anything to say about it. I knew that there may be some argument to that after tonight, as there were some things that would need to be brought to light to explain my behavior. I also knew that there were going to be tough questions that would need to be answered, no matter how uncomfortable it made me, however I was not going to let John Munch make me spill my entire life situation to him because he made some threat.

"I am not threatening you, Benson. I am telling you the truth, dammit. You are going to ruin yourself over this moron, and you are going to watch all the friendships you take for granted walk away without you." He spoke coldly as he walked away and headed towards the door.

"It's not about the moron, John. When will you start to get that through your head?" I yelled at his back.

"I know it's not about him, but at this moment, I also know that you are not giving me anything else to blame it on or any other cause for such an insane outburst from one normally sane woman. Stop yelling at me like I am deaf." He yelled back.

At that moment, Fin came through the door like a horse from the starting gate with a harried look in his eyes. "What is going on here?" He yelled in our direction. Then he looked at John and said, "You are supposed to be calming her down, not arguing with her."

"I wasn't yelling until I got tired of her screaming at me." John said simply as he took a seat on the edge of the roof. "I can't get anything out of the rock o' Benson." He huffed.

"Liv, work with me." Fin said looking at me with pleading eyes.

"What do you want?" I asked, not necessarily caring about his needs.

"You have to start talking. And you really need to talk to Cragen. You have that man over a barrel." He said simply.

I took a sharp breath in. I hadn't thought about how this whole thing would have affected Cragen. He was my boss, of course, but personally, he was a mentor, a friend, and like a father to me. The last thing in the world I had wanted was to hurt him in the process. "What do you mean?" I asked quietly.

"He means that Cragen is upset because his "daughter" has just gone nuts." John spoke up.

"Oh, shut up, John." We both said at the same time, which brought about the usual bit of giggles.

"Oh my God!" he exclaimed. "She laughs." John smiled at me and walked over to put his arm around my shoulder. "Now there is my friend that I was telling you about."

"Thank you, John. I know you are trying to help, I really do and I really appreciate it. In time, you will get to accomplish your mission, I promise." I said looking into his eyes to affirm my promise. "But for now, Fin, you have to tell me what happened in his office. What does he know?"

"Like I would tell anything that was not my business!" Fin scoffed at me.

"Ok, so then what happened?" I asked anxiously awaiting to hear what had been discussed between the two.

Before starting, Fin glanced over to John as if to ask if it was okay to continue with him being present. I knew that eventually everything was going to have to come out to them all, so I just nodded and took a deep breath in. Fin began to recount the details of his conversation with Cragen. "He wanted to know what I meant by telling Elliot he should've know better than to touch you. He wanted to know what you were telling me not to reveal. He basically wanted to know what was going on with you to cause such an outburst. I told him that I did not know anything more than he did, but did, of course, express my discontent with Elliot per the usual."

I let my breath out and spoke, "I think I can work with that. Thank you, Fin." I reached out to give him a hug, very thankful that he did not share any details of my time at Sealview or anything else we had discussed in the past about my life, and the emotional repercussions of said life as of late. I went to pull apart, but Fin held me close and whispered,

"He guessed that something happened at Sealview. I just told him to ask you, so be prepared."

I felt my heart tear into pieces. I had tried so hard to protect Cragen from the details of the Sealview incident, both to remain as professional as possible and to prevent any possible guilt that he might have had. The last thing I had ever wanted to discuss with him was Sealview. "Thanks for trying, Fin. It means a lot." I said letting go of him and starting to walk away shakily. I felt the tears burning at my eyes, but I could not let them fall. This was going to be hard enough, I did not need to add to it.

"Hey, what about me? Don't I get a hug after all this arguing and mess you put me through up here?" John said pouting.

I could not help but smile a little. He really was one of my closest friends, and I did adore him. I guess I just had not noticed how much care he had put into our friendship; it was something that I was going to have to keep in mind in the future. "Of course, you do. Thank you, John." I said giving him a hug as well.

"Nice to see that you don't hate the whole squad, Olivia."


	6. Chapter 4 Part 2

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** I am thankful to all of you who are still reading this fic. I hope that you are enjoying it. The good stuff is coming! I chose to take the chapter down, do some edits, make it into two parts for easier reading, and then repost. Again, please afford me the leeway as I am messing with the timeline of the show a bit (but let's just say she has not spoken with the therapist yet about dealing with her PTSD), but I assure you that it will make for some interesting times along the way. Now for some Munch and Olivia time! **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen! They correct me when I am out of line, fix me when I am offbase and generally keep me from writing too out of whack to follow, which sometimes can be a hard task I know. Hugs!

_**Chapter 4 Part 2 – I'd Come For You – Olivia POV**_

I turned around and saw Cragen emerging onto the roof. I took a deep breath in and started walking towards him. I saw Fin and John walk quickly by us each patting both of us on the shoulder as they headed towards the door leading downstairs.

"I could never hate you guys." I said with jest, hoping a little humor would make this go a little smoother.

Don did not appear to be amused by the joke. Instead, he just looked at me with sad eyes. They were a pair of eyes that always pierced right through me, no matter what emotion was in them at the time. I, immediately, took at seat on the ledge and prepared for the worst onslaught that I have ever received from him. He just sat down next to me and calmly took a deep breath.

"Do you remember this night?" he asked quietly, as he held out a photograph to me.

I smiled as I remembered the night. We had just finished a rough case, and were all out celebrating the outcome. I had had a couple of drinks and had slung my arm over his shoulder right before we left. I assumed that Alex had captured the moment with her ever-present camera. I had never seen it before. "I don't remember ever seeing this picture. But I do remember that night. It was after we finished the case with Maria. That was a rough case, and we fought a lot during it, but we pulled through." I studied the picture and the more I looked at it the less I could recognize the woman in the photo.

"Do you remember the woman in that photo? Because I am having a hard time finding her in my squad room these days." He asked looking me pointedly in the eyes.

I looked up and saw that he had tearing brimming on his eyes, as did I. "No." I simply stated.

He reached over and took my hand. "Listen, Olivia, I know that a lot has happened, but I want that smile back in my squad room. But I cannot help you until you start talking to me." He paused as if unsure of where to go from there. I took the moment to start talking before I lost my nerve.

"I want her smile back too. I am just unsure if I have the ability to find it again." I said letting one tear slide down my face, but brushing it away quickly. I didn't want this to turn into a sobfest and ruin my professionalism. I knew that it wouldn't matter to Don, but I would think less of myself if I did let that happen. He squeezed my hand.

"Liv, its okay to at least let me in. I am not going to hurt you. Professional or not, you are like my daughter and as both your boss and your friend, I cannot possibly let you go down because of this crap that's eating you alive. You are one of my best detectives, even on your worst day. Please let me help you."

I took a deep breath in and processed the words he had just spoken. I knew I would never give him the full version of everything that I had been through; however, I also knew that I could not continue to remain silent about the issues that had been affecting my job performance as of late. "Don, first and foremost, I appreciate that the feelings are mutual. I want nothing more than to let you help me, I just don't really know how."

"Well, this is what I want. You are going to speak with Huang before you leave this morning. After you speak with him, I will determine how I am going to deal with your actions from this evening." Don said matter-of-factly. I could not tell if he was losing patience with me or just getting through the business before it got too personal.

"Don, I understand. Do you want any type of explanation?" I asked. I was trying hard not to be angry at how cold he had become suddenly, but I also knew that there were big things to be dealt with on all angles.

"I will need an explanation. I would prefer to get it from you, but if you feel it would be better coming from Huang, I will take it. Either way, I need the explanation." He continued to sound matter-of-fact about the situation, and it was really starting to hurt.

"Don, if you wanted to treat me like every other ass who screws up, then why start with the photo?" I asked pointedly, tired of his mind games.

"Because I wanted you to know how serious I was about being there for you before I came across as your boss. If you cannot accept that I have two roles in this situation, then you really don't know much about me or our squad." He said quietly.

I took a deep breath in and calmed down. "I can't tell you exactly what caused me to attack him; I just know that for a long time, we have not been where we should be as partners. I lost my patience with him."

"Olivia, you always lose your patience with Elliot, we all do, but we don't kick the ever-living crap out of him in the station house." Don stated and asked the unspoken question at the same time. _What made this time different?_ I had been asking myself the same question ever since I realized what I had done.

"He attacked me like I was a child! I know that I was out of contact for awhile, but I was out investigating the case. He didn't even ask me what I found out." I spat out as the anger built back up in me thinking about the words he spoke to me. I began to pace the roof again.

"Sit down. He is not on this roof, I am." Don commanded. I knew that he was trying to maintain control over the situation, and I knew in my heart that I needed to let that happen, so I struggled to obtain control over my emotions. I returned to my seat on the wall next to him. He began to speak again, "We were all concerned about you since you had been gone so long."

I felt the anger spark as the excuses for Elliot's behavior came again, but just reminded myself that I was talking to the Captain, and that as my boss he was entitled to be concerned about my whereabouts. As long as I remained focused on Don, I would be able to hold back my anger and focus on giving him the information he needed. "I apologize that I did not check in. I was in my zone and just focused on finding out as much information as I could about our victim."

"I know where your head was, and respect that you are so focused on your job. I will get the information you obtained for the case later, however, right now, I am focused on you and getting this straightened out. Anything else that you want to let me know of before I send you down to Huang?"

I took a deep breath and thought carefully about what I wanted to share with him directly. I wanted to be sure that he knew enough to satisfy him both personally and professionally, but I also knew I was not comfortable with that. I was not a tell-all kind of girl, I would rather keep my life private. I knew that if Huang heard everything, he would take it all in, but never send it back out. I didn't want the things going on in my head to affect my job, or my repoire with Cragen. I looked up at him and knew that he deserved to know straight from me what was going on, or at least as much as I could get out before the panic set it. I slid down off the ledge of the roof and sat on the ground; I pulled my knees up and rested my head on them. I knew it was a childish stance to take in front of your boss, but it was the only way I would be able to keep myself from running away once I got started. As I began, he came and sat next to me. He began, "Liv, however you need to do this, we will, just as long as you do it so we can get in and help you."

I nodded and tried to catch my breath as the tears were already beginning to form. I had wanted to wait until I talked Huang to reveal everything, but all the talk from my friends and their desire to help me, had just plain old worn me down. I couldn't keep the wall up any longer, if I wanted to continue to maintain friendships with them, and if I wanted to be able to find myself again, I knew I would need to let it go. They would need to get a pass into my psyche, maybe not a full pass, but a decent pass that would really let them see me. I knew it was going to hurt like hell, but I also knew that it would be cathartic. This was going to be my moment to stand tall, and accept the help as it was given to me to help me be me again.

I willed the tears to stay back so that I could get out the words. I felt as long as I could get the first words out, the rest would be a breeze. I reached out and grabbed for Don's hand, and held tight as I spoke. "Don, so many things have happened that I think I have run out of space to hide them in so that I can continue on as I have before. It's like all of my compartments are full, but yet the ugliness keeps coming. I need help finding my way out from underneath it all, just so that I can exist in my own life. I feel like a shadow of myself. Does that make any sense?" I took a breath, and did admit that it felt like a small weight had been lifted from my shoulder and looked to Don for his reaction.

He took a deep breath, wiped at his eyes, and spoke. "It's nice to hear you admit that there is something wrong. I know that Huang will help you understand all the specifics and how you get out from underneath it all. But for me, I just need to know what parts of the job are getting to you. And…." He seemed to stop mid-sentence as if he had something else he wanted to ask but wasn't sure if he should.

I laughed nervously because I knew he was looking to find a way to ask about Sealview, the topic I most dreaded speaking with him about because it was so new. So I chose to continue on with the first topic, and work my way up to Sealview. "It's getting to me that El and I have not been comfortable for awhile. It's kind of like I lost my best friend. Then Alex left and came back; Casey left, sort of. I know that you guys have always been here, but you all deal with the same crap as much as I do, so I don't want to talk about it more than we already do on a regular basis. And when you don't have a best friend to talk to about stuff without getting judged, it's hard to deal with it all on your own. Additionally, I just have things that I want personally, outside of this job, and it's like he cannot understand that I have a life outside of here." I paused to take my first breath after blurting all that out like I was a faucet. I didn't know whether or not I felt comfortable about finally opening up with someone, but I was definitely hoping that it would bring me some sort of relief and some much needed sleep. I looked over at Don to see how he was processing the information. He had this small smile on his face, so I asked, "What are you smiling at?"

"You are human, Detective Benson, who knew?" Don said smiling at me. I guess it was his turn to lift the mood slightly. I playfully hit him on the arm. After we sat there in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, he spoke up quietly. "You know, I know that you and Elliot used to be a lot closer than you are now. I also know that you live under some strange microscope with him, that he puts only on you. I cannot change how he is as a man, but I can help you be more comfortable at work. Maybe we can work on changing your partners up, or something like that to help with the daily stress. As for the best friend, you have to let people in, in order for them to be there for you. I know how hard it is, believe me, but we want to be there for you and are willing to be your call at 3 a.m. when the world is coming down on your shoulders. We may not all process the information the same, but we all deal with the same information, so we can take it." I struggled to take it all in, as I could hardly believe how much care there was coming from this man. I almost didn't know how to accept it. As I sat and tried to process without speaking much, I did not look at him. Before he continued, he turned my face towards him. "Olivia, I would rather you call me at 3 a.m. and tell me your world is falling apart, than to be in the dark, both as your friend and your boss. It scares the crap out of me when you lose it." That final statement broke me completely, and I just had no choice but to let the tears, tears that I had reserved for Huang, fall. They fell freely and I did nothing to try and stop them. It was like the turning point for me, where I made the choice to change my life completely from the way it had been. It was completely out of character for me, but most of my life as of late had been. It was at that moment, I knew I could tell Don, my friend, about Sealview. I slowly wiped them away, and looked up at him. I saw that his face was wet too, while it made it a little harder to tell him, I knew how much more it would mean to him if it came from me.

I straightened up and looked at him, took a deep breath and began. "There's some stuff that you need to know. There are things about me that have happened that have caused me to end up here. I have always thought that I would be protecting you, if you didn't know more than necessary. I think tonight shows me that me protecting you is not working in the slightest." I paused and let him process that.

"Liv, you rarely hide anything from me. I may not know the specifics or when something in particular happened. However, I always know when you are not you. But I also know better than to press you until you are ready. I am always open to listen; you just have to take the opportunity to talk." He said calmly.

I laughed nervously because I knew that he always known when I was not right. He would always give me this certain look. He would never say anything, just look at me with those concerned eyes, and I would often just walk away and continue on. It suddenly hit me how horrible it must have been for him to always see things were wrong, but always giving me my space, and never really knowing anything until I brewed over. "Don, I think I have always known you would listen, but I never wanted to have to burden you with what I considered the mundane pieces of my psyche. I realize now that it has been unfair of me to think that I could protect you from me or being hurt by things going on with me. I do apologize for that."

Don held my hand tighter, and choked a little on his words before speaking. "You don't need to worry about hurting me. I would rather know than not know. It feels worse when I come in at the end knowing that I could have helped in some sort prior to the end result. I know it's not always possible, but I can recall a few times where I might have been able to help you out. So let's make a deal that you stop protecting me, and just tell me what I need to know."

I nodded unable to speak for a moment. "There's more that you need to know about. Well, one thing, in particular. You just need to know…." I stopped as the panic set in about what I was about to reveal. I had not told anyone about how much the events of Sealview had affected me, although I knew that Fin had witnessed more than his share of insight there. It almost hurt to have the words come up. I started to feel physically ill. I got up quickly and ran to the opposite end of the roof. At least if I were to throw up, it was going to be before Don could reach me. And throw up, I did. Don reached me just as I came up for air. I felt the pat on my back and my hair sweep back, before I even knew he was there.

"Are you okay?" He prodded as I slowly stood up to face him. I nodded and attempted to walk back towards where we had been sitting. After a few steps, I started to feel weak, and it must have seemed apparent because suddenly Don was grabbing my arm. "Liv, are you sure? I can go get Huang, if you need to be checked out." I shook my head no, as it was still hard to speak. I had known that this was going to be hard; I just didn't expect it to be so hard. A piece of me wanted Fin to be there with me, but this was something that I had to do on my own. I gathered all of my strength and turned to face Don, as we stood there in the middle of the roof. If an outsider had been looking in, they would have thought that this was a romantic tryst, with my holding onto both his arms as the sun crowned up over the skyline. I could only wish it was that kind of situation, rather than the one I was stuck in. I held tightly onto his arms, almost afraid I would run if I had the opportunity, and then just blurted it out.

"Don, I was almost raped at Sealview." He merely nodded because this was the piece he had already known. "He came as close as anyone could come." That was all I could get out before it became too much for me. I slid down and just huddled into myself and before I could even shed a tear, Don held my shoulders. "He took away everything I ever knew about myself, about everything I have learned from this job. I fought back, I fueled his fire. I let him take me down there. What was I thinking?" I cried out, the tears of everything I had been going through poured out like Niagara Falls. "And you told me it was a suicide mission, and I never even thought about it before going in." I struggled to catch my breath, and it almost felt like I was going to hyperventilate.

"Liv, I know this is hard, but you have to calm down." He said calmly using the same words we said to a victim when they were too panicked to talk. I hated feeling like the victim more than anything, but I knew he was not intentionally treating me like a victim. I tried hard to calm my breathing, but as much as I tried, it just got worse. Suddenly the world started to get fuzzy and it felt like I was falling, so I grabbed hold of Don in my panic. All I heard was buzzing in my ears, and then nothing.

When I came to, I was laying down in the crib, with Huang sitting in front of me. I tried to sit up quickly, but he lightly pushed me back down.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You hyperventilated and passed out. Don carried you down here, and I just woke you up. You were only out for about a minute." Huang said as he took my pulse and checked me out.

"Is Cragen okay?" I was worried about him.

"He will be back in a moment. I think that you rocked him a little bit. He needed a moment to collect himself."

I looked around for Elliot because I knew he had been sent to the crib, and the last thing that I wanted was him to see me like this. "Where's Elliot? Did he see me…."

"No, Fin moved him before you were brought in. He saw Don coming down the hall with you, and instantly moved him. I followed Don up and we were the only ones to see you." Huang reassured me, but I still hated the fact that I let my emotions get to me like that. I must have grimaced because Huang followed with, "Don't worry, Liv, we all know you didn't mean for it to happen."

"I just can't believe I lost complete control over myself. What is wrong with me?"

"That's why I am here. I heard you had quite the evening." He started slowly. I knew that this was the start of the mandatory session required by Cragen, and while I was not ready, I knew it was time. But I wanted a moment to speak with Cragen before we continued. I was not sure why I just wanted to speak with him first.

"Before we start, can I speak with Cragen?" I requested.

"He asked that you finish up with me first. I think that he needs some time to process, Liv." He looked at me with those soft eyes. I just sighed because I really hated when I was ordered to talk and it was a fact that he was well aware of. "I am not looking to have a full on discussion with you, just enough to recommend to him where you should be for the next few days. We will need to have some sessions later, but its late and I think that you have been through enough this evening already. So, what do you say?"

I sat up and looked at him, knowing the annoyance was spreading over my face quickly. "Like I have a choice." I spat out.

"Liv, work with me." He said simply.

"How many times have I heard that damn phrase tonight?" I muttered aloud.

"I imagine a million. But we are all just trying to work with you and help you. Condescending as it may sound, I am proud of the chances you took tonight. I spoke with Cragen a little bit, and with Munch, they have not told me anything, other than that you have opened up a bit with them. Now, we always fight a little at the beginning, but you always open up in the end. Care to skip the fight to make it go quicker this time?" Huang stayed strong but calm and quiet as always.

I, on the other hand, reverted back to being a caged animal. I started pacing the room like my butt was on fire. I knew it would not change anything but my nerves always made me restless. I knew that Huang was here to help, and I knew it was inevitable, but I also knew that I was just not ready to go through the gamut again. I just sighed and hit the locker with my hand, but I couldn't tell if it was my defeat talking or if it was my anger coming back.

"Liv, what's going on with you?" He asked beginning the interrogation.

"ARGGHHH!" I yelled. "Doesn't anyone tell you anything?" I asked, knowing they wouldn't dare when it came to me. But I also just wished that they had spoken so that I could get out of having to repeat everything.

"No, that's why I asked you. It's not their place to tell me anyway. That's just hearsay information; I want it from the source." He said simply.

I knew that's all he was trying to get at, but that didn't make it any easier for me. I also knew that I had to just make it through this and then I would know my fate with the unit. I would know if I would be continuing on the case that I had already put so much into. I would be onto the next victim if I could just get through this moment. I took a deep breath in and thought of that as I spoke with Huang. I went through the conversation that Elliot and I had in the hallway that sparked the events of the evening. He asked the usual questions about things that had gone on between us, and I knew that was to see how things were between us as partners regularly.

Then he broached the topic of Sealview carefully. I discussed with him what was necessary only because I just was not up to getting into the whole realm of the situation. I knew that when it came down to it, I would end up revealing all to Huang. I always did. He was one of the few people in the world that I trusted with everything in my head, even when it would put my job on the line. I knew he was one of the people closest to me in the world, but I also knew that we rarely let on to others that that was the case. I knew that he knew I would reveal all in time, and thus didn't push as far as he could've in this situation.

All in all the conversation had not been nearly as painful as the others, either that or I was slowly getting used to this idea of talking with other people. Who knew? I just went with it as the exhaustion was almost becoming too much for me to bear. I actually yawned, which was something that I rarely did. Huang took that moment to end the conversation.

"Alright, Olivia, I think that I have enough to give Cragen my recommendation. There will be mandatory sessions with me or someone of my recommendation though, but I don't think that a long suspension would be in your best interest at this time. I think that you need somewhere else to focus your attention so that your own thoughts don't eat you alive. Finally, I think that its time you and Elliot took a break as partners. Maybe some time away from each other will give you both the time you need to find out how to be comfortable with one another again. What do you think?" He asked as if seeing if this would be acceptable.

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's a bit more lenient than I thought that you would be. I figured that I would be headed for the psych ward at Bellevue by now."

Huang laughed a little. "You know me better than that. I would never commit you unless you really blew it. You just need to talk more, hon." He said patting my shoulder.

We walked into the squad room together, which was now buzzing with the usual activity of the morning. I looked at my watch and was somewhat surprised to see that it was 8 a.m. already. 'Five hours of talking, damn!' I thought to myself. John and Fin got up from their desks as we came in. Huang left me with them to go into the Captain's office.

"How are you doing?" John asked looking deep within my eyes.

"Alright, I guess." I turned and looked at Fin. "I told him as much as I could." Fin just nodded.

"It will be okay. We can get through this." He said back at me. I just nodded back at him and headed towards my desk. I was surprised to find my belongings were all placed neatly in their usual spots.

"Who put my stuff back?" I inquired.

"I did." John said quietly from his desk. "It got a little scattered in the hallway, so I made sure to grab it and put it in its place so it would be ready when you came back down."

I smiled to myself, surprised that he knew where everything belonged. "Thanks. So, do you guys want some information on the victim?" I asked ready to be talking about something other than my innermost thoughts and feelings.

"Umm sure." They both said at the same time.

I flipped open my notebook and began, "Janie Oliver has lived on Central Park West at _The Eldorado_ for the past five years. The manager did not recall her having any regular visitors. There were never any complaints about her. Her change in profession occurred recently. He noticed because the hours she kept were different, and the change in appearance caused a disturbance with one of the guards. They did not recognize her coming into the building and almost would not let her into her own apartment. According to Charlie, another bouncer at the club, she had just changed professions in the last few months. He said that she got tired of being pushed around by a Jeffrey Donovan, at her firm Hailey & McDermott. Apparently he was the reason she found herself a new career because he threatened to ruin her on Wall Street, so she made herself a name in another venue. She would give the classes as a way for the strippers to better their act, make more money and find their way out of the business. Additionally, Charlie mentioned that she was close with Lacey, and that she had a "best friend" with jealousy issues, Amy Harden. I am thinking that we need to check Donovan and Harden out to see what they have to say about the victim. I didn't find anything of interest in her apartment, except this journal. I will make copies and take them home to review. Any questions?" I looked to their faces, which showed the wheels in their heads turning at lightning speed.

"Liv, aren't you going to want to take the lead on this one?" asked John.

"I would love to, but somehow I think that my actions tonight might prevent that." I said as I slumped in my chair. I was so mad that my anger had clouded my judgment and caused me to risk any time on the job. The victims were too important to let personal issues get in the way of their justice.

"Well, we shall see." Fin said quietly as we watched the door to the Captain's office open. Huang walked out and Cragen hung back for a moment before motioning for me to come in.

I looked at Huang's face to see if I could get any clue as to what I was headed for, but as usual he gave me nothing to go on. I walked into the office and shut the door behind me.

"It's been a long night, huh?" Don asked as he took a seat behind his desk.

"Yes." I said as I took a seat opposite him. "What's the deal?"

Don took a deep breath before continuing. "You know that Huang wants mandatory counseling, and I agree with him. For at least a year, Benson, unless he specifies differently. There is too much going on up there for you to be in and out. Additionally, I will be pairing you with Fin, since he and Elliot don't get along either and to give you and Elliot a break. Finally, you are going to be suspended for 24 hours, which is very lenient considering, but with the case at hand, I think that you will do us better if you are focused on the case rather than stewing. But during the next 24 hours, you are to not speak with anyone regarding the case, us or any witnesses; you are to take a rest. Am I understood?"

"Yes." I said simply, knowing that he was being extremely lenient with me. I wasn't sure if we were done, so I just remained in my seat. There were things that I knew I needed to say to him, but at the moment my brain just could not wrap around what they were.

"I know, Olivia." He said simply, as he got up and gave me a hand up. "Now, go see Melinda before she kills me. Then go home and sleep. I will see you in 24 hours or so. Sound good?" He asked as he opened the door to his office leading me out.

"That will be fine. Thank you for everything, Don." I said looking deep into his eyes so that I could hopefully convey everything that was in my heart to him.

"Anytime. Remember that. Now brief these guys on the crime scene and everything. Go home, and come back well rested and ready to catch this perv." He said with a smile before heading back to his office. "And, Benson, stay the hell away from Stabler."

I laughed and retorted with, "Will do."

I looked at the guys as I gathered my belongings. "Well, you are reprieved of me, but only for 24 hours. I will be back in a day. Don't mess up my case while I am gone."

John and Fin looked at each other surprised and then shrugged it off and smiled at each other. "Go have a good day off while we hack away over here." John joked.

"Don't worry, Liv. We got your back. Enjoy the time off, you need it." Fin said quietly as he slipped me a copy of the journal I had left on my desk. He whispered in my ear, "Text me when you get something from it."

I laughed aloud and nodded before heading out the door. I knew it was going to be bittersweet when I came back because I would no longer be partnered with Elliot, but I also knew that it was for the best. It was time that we had a break from one another. Additionally, I knew that while I had bared some of my most intimate secrets the guys had not looked at me any differently than before. They still had the same caring looks, and still trusted me on the job. That was a relief for sure, because without this job, I surely would be lost. At that moment, I decided that I needed to make the best of the moment, of the therapy and of the time off and then come back to work determined to keep it together. That was the only way that I would survive the day's events. With that in mind, I thought of something crazy that I would have to do. I walked into Melinda's office with a huge smile on my face, ready to get the party started.

_**Author's End Note:**_ I would love to hear some reviews from new fans to gage what everyone is thinking about this story.


	7. Chapter 4 Part 3

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent….. or any other musician I happen to mention along the way.

**Author's Notes:** I am thankful to all of you who are still reading this fic. I hope that you are enjoying it. I am updating as often as my little muse, who looks a bit like our heroine here, lets me. **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen! They correct me when I am out of line, fix me when I am offbase and generally keep me from writing too out of whack to follow, which sometimes can be a hard task I know. Hugs!

_**Chapter 4 Part 3 –Unwritten –Melinda Warner POV**_

I moved around my lab as if I was on auto-pilot, which I guess to a point I was. It had been a very busy couple of days, with a variety of cases from across the city. Everything ranging from a Wall Street broker turned Pole Dance Teacher to the rape of a four year old in Brooklyn and an elderly woman beaten in the heart of Manhattan. It was sometimes rough to make it through times like these when you had no sleep, no rest from the gruesomeness of the tortures humans could inflict upon each other. However, you learned to compartmentalize so that you could function for the victims you were trying to help. I was working on finishing up the reports on some of my previous cases that just needed some final touches, when I heard the familiar laugh of my best friend coming down the hallway. I sensed her presence even before she spoke and said, "Well, you seem to be in a better mood."

I looked up and saw a worn out Olivia Benson standing in the doorway to the lab. I took in her appearance and knew that it was a combination of the current hours spent on her newest case and the emotional rollercoaster I was sure she had just endured. While she looked worn out, she had this Cheshire Cat grin on her face, which only meant one thing, Olivia Benson was out to start some trouble. This was never a good sign, because I often got roped in somehow.

"Well, have you anything to say for yourself, Detective?" I asked trying to see which way she would take the conversation. I was concerned about what happened between Elliot and her, but I also wanted to watch her find something amusing in life. It was a rare sight these days to see a smile gracing her face, so I was not in a rush to be the cause of its disappearance.

She laughed and said, "Mel that was so completely unsubtle. Just ask the damn question."

I had no choice but to laugh with her. "I am tired, I tried though, that has to count for something. Why can't people take a break from killing each other so that I can get some sleep?" I asked pitifully.

She laughed again and replied, "Because then someone around here would be out of a job because there wouldn't be enough work for you. You know we would all get bored if it was any other way."

I picked up a nearby roll of gauze that was unused and threw it at her. "Oh shut up!"

She threw it back and retorted, "Ok, but then you won't find out anything and will just be sitting here wondering what I am up to, where I have gone, how much trouble I am in, etc. And then you will be calling me a million times, where of course, I will ignore you just to tease you, and then you will get mad at me. Then I will have to find a way to make you like me again, and then the whole process will start over because you still won't have asked the question you wanted to ask from the beginning, so before you tell me to shut up, you might want to ask your real question."

I groaned. "Fine! What the hell were you thinking?" We had grown to know each other very well, and I knew that I had to take the opening when she gave it; otherwise getting the answers would be like pulling teeth for me, something which I did not have the energy for. I looked at her with a combination of anger and concern. I didn't really know what the stronger feeling was, but I did know that there would be some fun words exchanged between us as usual.

"About what?" Olivia asked innocently, as if nothing had happened in the last 8 hours. Nothing at all.

"Olivia, don't make me fight for it. I just don't have the damn energy. Why on earth did you kick the crap out of Elliot?" I looked her dead in her eyes and did not move to show I was serious. I wanted to know why my best friend in the world had physically hurt her other best friend. I had known that she had left on a number of occasions because of his bad behavior, but leaving was very different from actually hurting him. This was something that I needed to understand so that I could find a way to help my dear friend.

Olivia stood up straighter and squared her toes, crossed her arms, and glared at me. "You don't have to be such a bitch about it."

I put the papers I had been reading down and walked over and stood in her face. "Who the hell do you think that you are talking to?" I spat out. I was not in the mood for her attitude or the usual crap she passed around. "You gave me the opening to ask the question. So ask I did. Now are you going to tell me or should I just finish my reports and send you on your way?"

She barely had an inch on me, but only because she was wearing heels and I had long ago switched to my flat sneakers, but she definitely used that small bit of height to show her power. "I gave you the opening as my friend, not for some lecture. What crawled up your ass anyway?"

"Olivia, I got called out of here to go to the squad room to check on your partner because Cragen did not know how badly you had wailed on him. I had to examine him, all the while not having a clue as to what had gotten into you. You act like I didn't become a part of the puzzle. I am not just asking as your friend, I am also asking because it's my name on Elliot's waiver of medical treatment. So, as my friend, will you tell me what I am sticking my butt out there for?" I walked away from her and sat down on a stool and continued to look over the reports that I had been working on. With us, it was always a fight really, but it was one that we both knew was really because we cared so much, but we were not into sappy, girlie stuff. We just liked to get into a fight, laugh after and move on. It was how we had always been, and likely always would be, and while most people would tire of such a circus, it was just how our friendship worked. I, often, felt like I was the more rational one of us and therefore was always trying to get Olivia to see reason, which was most often more like running headlong into a brick wall. I knew that Olivia appreciated our friendship, that I often acted as her sounding board, and that was what was important to me. I would rather we yell and scream than she not speak with anyone about what thoughts were wandering through her head. Sometimes the thoughts in ones own head were more dangerous than ones actions.

"Well, Melinda, I am so sorry that you got called to the squad room, but I had nothing to do with that. Cragen should've just sent his sorry ass to the hospital. If I hadn't been sequestered to the roof with Munch, I would have told him that to his face." She growled at me.

_Here it goes._ I thought to myself, knowing that we were about to head straight into the fire. "If he went to the hospital, _your_ sorry ass would be sitting in a jail cell. What do you think about that?"

"Ha. He wouldn't have the balls to press charges against me. If he did, I would be there already." She scoffed at me.

"Fine, think what you will." I had wanted to add '_Maybe some time in a cage would do you some good'_, but in the circumstances surrounding recent events, that would have been an awful and inappropriate blow. Thankfully, my mind was quicker than my tongue this morning, which was often not the case.

"Melinda, what is your problem, really?" Olivia asked.

Surprised at her suddenly calm tone, I paused before responding to ensure that my tone matched hers. I looked up from my reports and stared at her face. I looked beyond the face she put on for everyone else to see the true Olivia, the one I had met so many years before. The circumstances of her life had changed her in recent years. She had become older in some respects, fragile in other respects and yet stronger at the same time. We had all changed over time, it was inevitable in our line of work, but she had seemed to take on every case with even more of herself lately. It had often been that she would focus on work to avoid the demons in her own head, but lately it seemed like the work and the demons would come together and I wondered how healthy that could be for a person. I wanted to have her be back to the fun-loving Olivia, who knew how to smile for real, who would laugh like a child on Christmas, and who could relax in her own skin. But how to get that across in our friendship was something that I had been fretting over for weeks. We just weren't the kinds of friends who spoke our hearts like that, it was just an undercurrent that was always there but never acknowledged. I guess it was a good time to try something new. I stood up from my stool and walked over to her. I grabbed her hand and said, "Come see something with me." I pulled her down the hall to my office and stood her in front of the mirror in my office. "Do you recognize this woman in front of you? Because I have to tell you that lately I don't." I felt the tears gathering in my eyes, as they frequently did when I was thinking about how I couldn't seem to find a way to help Olivia these days. The helplessness was something I struggled with often. I turned her around slowly and saw that her sad eyes also held the same tears mine did. "Liv, I feel like I have lost my baby sister and I don't know how to get her back. I just want to be able to help you and not worry about you as much. We used to have so much fun, I cannot even recall the last time we went out for drinks. What do you say?"

Olivia quickly wiped at her eyes to make sure nothing fell, and then spoke softly. "Mel, I am just trying to find my way out. I am in here somewhere, I just have to find the way out and I will come back. Please work with me to find me again." She sat slowly in a chair as I digested the words she had just spoken. It was so unlike Olivia to ask for help that I almost didn't understand her request.

I didn't speak, just nodded and gave her a hug, another first for us. It was going to be a new journey for us. I was going to go from being her sanctuary with a fight, to being a piece of her conscience and part of the solution. This was going to be different, but as long as it would bring my best friend back, that's all that really mattered to me.

As if a lightbulb had just been lit, Olivia's face glowed with a smile like I had never seen before. This could only mean one thing, trouble. "What are you thinking?" I asked carefully not really sure that I wanted to know.

"You said that you would do anything to help me, and that you were upset because we had not gone out in awhile huh?" She asked mischievously.

I slowly said, "Yes."

"Well I have an idea. We, meaning the girls, are going to go out tonight after we rest this afternoon and live it up." She started walking around the room like the idea had sparked a burst of energy for her.

"But I've been up all night for the past two days…" I whined. Why did she always want to do this stuff when it been forever since I had slept in my own bed, and sat on the couch with my family.

She walked up to my face and said, "Fine then. I will just go out with Alex and Casey, and leave you to your dead bodies." She spun on her heel and began to walk out.

I just rolled my eyes and sighed before calling out to her, "Wait. I'll go. Where and when?" Olivia stopped and spun on her heel back towards me. She reached out and gave me a hug.

"Thanks, Mel. I really need this tonight. Meet me at my place at 10 p.m., so you can tuck your daughter in before you come out to party." She said winking at me as I watched her walk out the door.

_That is if I am not asleep the whole time I am home. _I thought to myself.


	8. Chapter 5 Part 1

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** I am thankful to all of you who are still reading this fic. I hope that you are enjoying it. I am updating as often as my little muse, who looks a bit like our heroine here, lets me. Additionally, I owe a little inspiration to a newfound friend, Erika, and her amazing videos on youtube (bensonlover99) for the song _Animal I Have Become_, as her video inspired some of Liv's day! Thanks Erika! **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen! They correct me when I am out of line, fix me when I am offbase and generally keep me from writing too out of whack to follow, which sometimes can be a hard task I know. Hugs!

_**Chapter 5 Part One – Burn it to the Ground – Olivia POV**_

After leaving Melinda's office, I grabbed the first cab I could and headed straight home. I was so exhausted that I barely stayed awake long enough to make it home. I walked in the door, dropped my stuff, and fell face first onto my couch and there I lay for the next 6 hours. I probably would have slept longer, if my cellphone hadn't started ringing off the hook. I looked at the caller id through one eye and saw that it was Alex, who with Casey made up our ADA Dream Team, calling. Begrudgingly I answered with a groan, "Yea Lex."

"Liv, where the hell are you? I have been searching everywhere for you. I need to discuss the case and your testimony for court on Monday." She said without taking a breath. It was obvious that she had not heard about the incident at the squad room, but that was not unusual because unless it concerned her involvement in a case or our bad behavior on her case, she rarely paid much attention to anything else.

"Home. I was sleeping, thank you." I said as I stretched like a cat. My neck and back hurt like hell from sleeping on the couch. One would think that after the number of times a week I slept there that I would be used to it by now.

"What the hell are you doing home? What about the new case?" She asked quizzically.

"I will be back on track tomorrow, but for today that's a banned topic. Talk to Cragen. Now I am going to crash if you don't mind." I asked curling back up into a ball on my couch. I was certain that I would not be going back to sleep but I was sure going to give a shot. I had at least 6 more hours until I needed to get ready for the evening.

"Ok, fine, whatever. But someone better start giving me some answers." She said with a hint of annoyance. I knew that she was not annoyed with me, but I just wasn't in the mood for her bit of attitude either way, so I just hung up the phone. I knew it would piss her off, but she would forgive me later.

I laid my head back down on the couch, and let me eyes glaze over. It wasn't long before the images started. Images of Amy Doe and the torture chamber of the Woodsman. Images of Agent Cooper's brains splattering on the wall as she shot herself. Images of Lowell Harris and the basement of Sealview. Then the sounds started. The shot being fired. The words of the adoption agency letter telling me that I would not be able to provide a fit home for a child. The sound of the baton on the bars of Sealview. I shook my head, and stood up with a shot. There was no way I was going to let them get me today. _Damn suspension_ I thought to myself. If I had not been on suspension I would be at the precinct and would never have slept. Each time I slept I woke up and went through the same routine.

I started to pace around my apartment, unable to get rid of the images in my head. Everywhere I looked I saw something from my past. I hit the play button on my stereo and blared my Three Days Grace cd, putting it on my favorite track _Animal I Have Become_. I dragged the free standing heavy bag I had bought recently to the center of the living room, and pounded the crap out of it until the images started to blur and disappear. This was another piece of my routine. It may not have been the healthiest thing I could have done to deal with my demons, but it certainly was helping to build up some muscles, which I had used to take down some perps recently. With every hit to the bag, I convinced myself that I was taking pieces of myself back from my personal demons by taking down each piece of my past that had come up and haunted me as of late. The final straw was Lowell Harris, he often took more than a few hits to disappear. The situation at Sealview had really thrown a monkey wrench into my psyche, and I was damned if I was going to let him keep it. My workout calmed my nerves, but often sparked my anger or it would simply numb me from the combined exhaustion of no sleep and the workout itself. Generally, following my workout, I would shower and head down to the precinct; however, since I was suspended I just looked around my apartment for a moment as if trying to find a way out. My eyes fell on the copies of the journal that Finn had given me as I walked out of the squad room. I nodded to myself and walked towards them. I grabbed the journal and placed it on the table. I went to the kitchen to grab a glass of wine, when I saw the bathroom out of the corner of my eye. It suddenly occurred to me that I had not had a shower in over 48 hours. I looked back to the journal, and realized it would still be there in the five minutes it would take me to clean up.

After hopping out of the shower, I quickly threw on a pair of jeans and NYPD hoodie, grabbed a glass of wine from the kitchen and sat down on the couch. I switched the music on the stereo to something a bit calmer and curled up, much like someone settling in for an afternoon with a novel. My novel was the writing of another's mind. It would provide me a self-profile of the newest victim. But just as one is excited to tear into a novel and devour its every word, that was how I revered reading case files and such evidence. A smile pulled up the corners of my mouth as I pulled my feet up close under me, fluffed the corner of my overstuffed couch, and settled in for _my_ good read.

"Come on, Janie, tell me about yourself." I said aloud to myself, as if wishing the journal to provide some much needed answers.

I was about three entries in when I read the following:

I came to work this morning and found Jeffrey in my office again. He is simply incorrigible. I told him to just give me some time and we would see where things went. But he just does not seem to get a hint. It's like he's intentionally making it uncomfortable for me at the office. I wonder what he plans to get from all of this. At this rate, it's going to be a restraining order if I have anything to say about it. I told Amy about it and she just acted like I was being dramatic. She told me that I should be grateful to have such a rich man interested in me. I have always known how different we were, but I guess I never noticed how much it bothered Amy that I am successful in my life. That angers me because I have worked hard to get here, it would be nice if she could see that, and maybe try working hard for her own things instead of preying on other people's kindness. Someday….

I looked up and grabbed my phone. I sent a text to Finn _"Check out third entry"_. I knew he would look it over and see the beginnings of the patterns of bad behavior in the two suspects. I went back to reading for awhile when I came across the next entry that had peaked my interest.

I went in to speak to Matthew Hailey today about Jeffrey's unwanted advances. He proved yet again that it was a boys club. He disregarded my complaints and said that I was just overreacting and that obviously Jeffrey was just kidding around. He hoped that I would not waste any more of his time on these allegations in the future. I, of course, assured him that I would not dare to do so and apologized before leaving. It made me want to puke.

I left early, and headed home. I don't know why, its not like I would find the answers here. But I had to figure something out. Lacey came and made me go to Pole classes tonight. That was the highlight of my day. It almost always seemed to be the one happy spot in my week. I had never thought that would be the case when I was dared by her to take it when reading the advertisement at my local gym. She said that she would bet a million dollars that I would never make it to the end. At the time, she had been a perfect stranger, but now I consider her one of my dearest friends. What a pair we made. Wall Street Broker and Stripper.

I grabbed my phone and buzzed Finn again _"Entry 15 – Talk to Matthew Hailey about Janie's complaint. Threaten him if need be. He hindered a sexual harassment investigation."_ I continued reading and came across the latest entry, which seemed to have sealed my interest in Jeffrey Donovan and Amy Harden.

I cannot believe it! My job was threatened today. Jeffrey said that the partners were questioning my commitment to the firm. This was, of course, after a staff meeting was called, one that I had not been invited to. I just shook my head and told him to stuff it. Thank God, I have other plans for myself. Lacey has recruited a number of students for the studio. I signed the lease with the owner of the club, creepy guy as he is, at least I can help these women, and get away from Jeffrey. I swear he has been in here lately, but I cannot figure where he would have gotten the key. I just know it. Something about the smell of the apartment. Maybe it's just my imagination, but something is just not right here.

Oh, and to brighten, my day, Amy called me today. Apparently, she has scored herself a rich guy, finally. I was surprised to hear from her. It has been months since I heard from her. I knew she had something to gloat about it, I just couldn't imagine what it was about. Whatever, as long as she stays out of my life, that's all that's important.

I am ready for the big changes. I think tomorrow is the end of my time playing with the boys. They've won this game, but karma will get them in the end. Until then, I will do something I enjoy with my life, and finally be free of Jeffery and Amy. Thank God for Lacey.

I flew off the couch. I had to get the apartment dusted for prints everywhere. I knew that CSU had searched everything, but printing it had not been a priority since she had not been killed there. I had to talk to Lacey. I am sure that she knows more about this situation. I grabbed my phone and flew to my bedroom to grab my gun, keys, cuffs, badge and flew to the door before I even realized that I was still on suspension. I sighed and said aloud "Screw it" before dialing Finn's number.

"Liv, what's up?" He asked answering the phone in a voice barely above a whisper.

"I need to get the apartment dusted for prints. I gotta talk to Lacey. She is one of the keys to this thing. I can feel it." I blurted out authoritatively.

"Can't talk to you about this." Finn said with finality in his voice.

"Cragen's right there, huh?" I asked knowing that he was and that my ass would be in a hangar if he found out I was disobeying a direct order.

"You got it." was all I heard in response.

"Damn it!" I said as I kicked the corner of my couch. "Oh, fuck it! Let me talk to him."

"It's your suicide." Finn said before saying, "She wants to talk to you, Cap." I heard the rustle of the phone exchanging hands.

"I assume you are calling to tell me how sorry you are about everything, and to invite me to lunch because I deserve it, and that you are NOT calling about the case." Cragen said with a twinge of anger in his voice. I knew it was not going to be pretty but I had no choice. The case at hand depended on this information.

"I am sorry, and lunch would be fabulous. However, I, uh…. have some information you need." I said quickly and then waited for the wrath to be unleashed.

"Olivia, do you want to come back to this unit?" He said calmly, almost too calmly.

"Don, you have to listen to me." I pleaded back.

"Listening appears to be your issue. If I wanted you working this case, I would not have suspended you. God damn it! You need a break. Take the damn break." Cragen said. I imagined that if it had not been a cellphone, he probably would have slammed the phone down, but the point would be lost on me and we both knew it.

"I did. I even slept this morning. Then I read the victim's journal. Capt, you have got to hear me out on this one." I tried again.

"Well, glad you got some sleep. What the hell are you doing with the journal at home? It should be locked up in evidence and the case file should be here, not with you, which is where the only copy should be. I know you are not breaking more rules, Olivia." I could feel the anger rising like the temperature in the Sahara at the height of daylight.

"I left the case file there. The journal is in evidence. My copy was a spare I made when I copied it for the case file. I figured it would be best not to let it go to waste." I stuttered.

"Bullshit. Don't play me for a fool. Fine, whatever, give me the damn information. And then if you call here again, you will be on desk duty indefinitely. Understand?" I smiled to myself, knowing that I had finally worn him down.

"Understood. We need to dust the apartment for prints. The vic thought that Jeffery Donovan had been in her apartment without her knowledge. We should see what security tapes the building has to see if they show him coming or going. Her boss, Matthew Hailey, ignored her attempts to make a sexual harassment complaint against Jeffery Donovan. Lacey appears to be her closest friend, so we need to speak with her. Amy Harden definitely had a jealous streak, and the vic knew it." I ordered it all out as quickly as the words would come. I wanted to hop in my car and go down, but I knew the Captain would kill me for sure if I even showed any signs of such a thing.

"Thank you. Now I expect to not hear from you until tomorrow. I swear Olivia…." He said before I heard the rustling of the phone.

"Bye, Liv." was all Finn said before hanging up. I looked at my phone with curiosity but just shrugged it off. I knew that the Captain had been there and was probably rushing him along.

A few minutes later, my phone lit up with a new text message. _"Sorry Cragen was up my ass. No time to chat. Thanks for the info. Look forward to working it with you tomorrow, partner ;)"_ I laughed and sent back. _"You sure you can handle me as a partner?"_ His response came quickly. _"Hell yea! At least your ass ain't bony!" _I nearly fell off the couch with laughter. Leave it to Finn to help me laugh on a day like today. I could barely type a response through my tears. _"LOL. You are on."_

I cleaned up the files, determined to put the case aside for the afternoon. I tried to flip on the television, but found nothing entertaining, as always. I was about to work on finding an outfit for this evening's adventure when I heard a knock on my front door. I grabbed my gun, as I always did, and looked through the peephole. I half expected to see Elliot standing there, but instead I saw a somewhat familiar face that I could not place. I opened the door a crack and spoke, "Hello, can I help you?"

The young man standing in front of me looked to be about 16 or 17. He had a big grin on his face and laughed. "You don't recognize me do you?" He said simply.

I took another good look at him, and still couldn't place the face. Unfortunately, it was a common problem after dealing with so many people every day. You would know them, but it would always take a few minutes before you could remember exactly where you had seen them before. I decided it was best to fess up, rather than try to figure it out. "I'm sorry, I don't."

"I was afraid that you wouldn't. It's me, Nathan Phelps. I stopped by the station, but Detective Munch told me you weren't in today. When I told him who I was he told me where to find you. Hope you don't mind me stopping by."

I stared in awe at the grown man standing before me. The last time I had seen him was on the courthouse steps as I introduced him to his new foster parents. He, like many of my victims, had floated through my head on occasion but I knew better than to check up on them. I swung open the door, and stowed my gun in the back of my pants. "Well, that's a name I have not heard in awhile. How are you?" I motioned for him to follow me in, grateful that I had gotten around to straightening up for once. "Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?"

He walked slowly around the apartment, as if taking in the minimalist decorations, before sitting on the edge of the couch. "Um, sure, some water would be great."

"Ok, let me go grab some." I said nervously. I was surprised to see him, and wondered what had brought him by today. I took a quick detour and stowed my gun back in its place in the nightstand before returning to the living room with a couple bottles of water. I handed him one, and took a seat on the footstool across from him. "What brings you by today?" I asked.

He laughed a little. "You never did beat around the bush, Detective Benson." I laughed a little with him and then returned to staring stoically at him. "Well, I wanted to take you to lunch if that would be okay." I was taken back by the request and did not know how to respond.

"Umm, why would you want to take me to lunch?" I asked cautiously. I did not mean to sound like such a detective, it just happened. "Sorry about that. It's just unusual for me to have a victim come and ask me to lunch years later." I backtracked and apologized with true sympathy. Nathan Phelps had been witness to his mother's shooting years before, and had ended up shooting his mother's killer in a fit of guilt. He and I had grown close during the course of the investigation and trial. If I had had the time and ability, I probably would have tried to foster him, but needless to say we had found him a foster home. One I had always hoped was a good home.

He just laughed and patiently explained. "During my case, you always made sure I had something to eat, and you protected me the best you could. I just wanted to say thank you. Now that I have my own money, I wanted to use some of it to take you out to lunch to catch up. Would you have some time today? You need to eat too, Detective Benson."

I laughed. It had been awhile since I had had something to eat and it would be nice to catch up with Nathan to see how he was doing. "Sure why not? Let me just grab my keys." I walked back to my bedroom, grabbed everything and met Nathan back in the living room. "Got a place in mind?"

"If I recall, you like Italian?" Nathan said with a wink. "I saw a great place round the corner. What do you say?" I nodded and followed him out the door.

We walked the few blocks to Marco's. We grabbed a table and ordered our food. He grabbed some Chicken Parmesan and I ordered the Vegetable Primavera.

"So, how is your foster family? How is everything going?" I asked quietly, not really sure where to begin. It was not often that I saw victims after they had moved on with their lives.

Nathan looked up from the garlic bread we were sharing and started to speak slowly. "They have been great to me. They make sure that I have everything that I need."

My detective radar senses started going off. Something seemed a bit off in his answer. "Ok, so is there a bigger reason for you coming to visit today?" I just jumped right in. It was not like me to ever ignore my cop senses when they perked up. I stared hard at Nathan to judge his reaction.

He just looked up at me with wide eyes and said, "It's not the same. I mean I did not expect it to be, but I expected to have more of a connection with them than I do. It's not anything that they are or aren't doing; I just cannot wrap my mind around the idea of getting close to them. Does that make sense?"

I sighed. It all made sense. While his mother had been into drugs and probably not the best role model in town, she was still his mother. When you only have your mother, you tend to stick by her through thick or thin, no matter what happens. I was the same way about my mother. "I understand that more than you know. So, do you feel out of place with them? Or just out of sorts?"

He fiddled with his bread and spoke softly. "Definitely out of sorts. They include me in everything just like I had always been their kid. But it's just like I still don't belong somehow, like something is missing."

I knew that I had to tread carefully so as to not scare him off, but the detective in me also wanted to get to the bottom of it all. I knew that there was more to him coming to visit me; I just had to get to that point. "Do you know what is missing?" I asked carefully.

He nodded and looked up at me. "I didn't until just recently. Then one morning I woke up and it was like a light went off in my head. I knew what I had been missing."

Ok, well at least he knows. I thought to myself. "So, can you get back that thing that you were missing?" I questioned. I didn't want to push him into telling me what it is; I just wanted to know whether or not he had figured out how to return to his life.

He smiled. "Yea, I think I can."

"Well, then it seems that you have solved the problem. What do you have me here for then? Do you need my help in some way?" I asked nonchalantly.

He laughed out loud. "You don't get it, do you?"

I looked at him confused. "I don't get what?"

He laughed harder and continued. "I missed having my friend, Detective Benson, around to talk to. Like or not, you helped me through the worst time in my life, and you became a very good friend to me. Then you were ripped from my life, and I just think that is not fair. There are really good things happening in my life, and I want you to see them first hand."

I looked up at him in awe. I could not believe the words that I had just heard from him. Nathan Phelps was not one to wear his heart on his sleeve. Therefore for him to admit to everything that he just did was a big deal. I stuttered out, "Me? You missed me?"

He laughed bashfully and nodded his head slowly. Then he continued telling me about what had been missing in his life. "You were the first person to care about me, without giving me pity, since my mom. You respected my decisions to love my mother, to accept the things she did and the person she had become, and my love for her. No one else had ever done that. They always expected me to hate her. But she's my mom, there's no way." We both took a breath before he continued on. I, myself, had a rare occurrence of tears threatening behind my tired eyes. I took a moment to look to the ceiling hoping to make them dissipate, but to no such luck. Now I just prayed that they would stay put while he continued on. "You were a lot of firsts for me. And, as such, I honestly wanted more than anything to be able to go home with you that day after court. But I knew that they would not let me. I had asked several times about you, but everyone told me to leave you be. So, it wasn't until I got my own money that I was able to find my way back to be able to speak with you." No one had ever said anything so sincere to me before, it took two seconds before I lost control of the tears, and they just fell. I wiped them away as quickly as I could, but knew they did not go unnoticed.

"Sorry, this is not like me. Rough week." I said with a nervous giggle, as I cleaned up my face. I looked back to Nathan, and just saw him smiling at me.

"It's okay. I did not mean to upset you, I just wanted you to know everything before I asked my next question."

I shook my head and spoke with a shaky voice. "You did not upset me. That's the sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me. Thank you very much."

He blushed a little and spoke again quietly, "I want you to come to my honors night, and my graduation. I want you to be there for everything. I want to see you more often. You are more like a parent to me, than my foster parents are. While I am grateful for everything that they have done for me, I just don't have the same connection. Will you come?" He nervously drummed his fingers on the table while he waited for my answer.

I, on the other hand, just sat there in shock. After being told that I was unfit to be a parent, I was being asked to be like a parent to a former victim. It was a territory I would have never imagined in a million years that I would be in. I almost did not know how to react. So I stammered, "Nathan…. I …. Um….." I shook my head and tried again to get a full sentence out. "I am so honored. It would be my pleasure. I don't want to step on the toes of your foster parents. Will they be okay with this arrangement?"

"I told my foster mom, since it was going to be another woman, and explained everything to her. She seemed a little hurt, but also like she understood what I was saying. Then we talked about this lady in her life that held the same role. So, after a little reminiscing, she agreed that it would be acceptable." Nathan explained carefully.

"Well, then it would be my pleasure. You know, you can't live with me though, right?" I asked suddenly scared that he would want to live in my home, and there was no way that would fly between my schedule and the smallness of my apartment.

Nathan laughed loudly. "I never planned on that. I like my school and my room. There is no way I am living with a cop, no one in my neighborhood would ever speak to me."

I swatted him on the arm and laughed. We laughed for a few minutes before the waiter brought our dinner out. We enjoyed a nice lunch, where he caught me up on everything that had been going on in his life. Afterward, we walked back to my apartment, and made plans to meet up again the following week for some coffee, barring any problems with my schedule. At my door, the unexpected happened.

I turned around to say goodbye to him, and thank him for lunch. But I never got a word out because he gave me a huge hug. Before he let go, he said. "Thank you, Detective Benson, for everything."

I hugged him back after a moment of shock, and said, "No problem, Nathan. I am happy to do it."

We let go and he started to head down the downstairs. I leaned out my door and yelled after to him, "And Nathan, its Olivia."

He laughed and responded, "Sure thing."

I walked back into my apartment and leaned against the closed door. I couldn't believe how my afternoon had gone, and had a huge smile on my face. I felt this overwhelming sense of peace and belonging that had been long disappeared from my psyche. Whatever was to come, I think that this development was going to help me be able to work through it with more sanity than recent months. I had a tangible purpose, and for some reason, it made all the sense in the world.


	9. Chapter 5 Part 2

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** I am thankful to all of you who are still reading this fic. I hope that you are enjoying it. I am updating as often as my little muse, who looks a bit like our heroine here, lets me. Finally, I will admit that this might be a little out of character, but its not like we would ever see the ladies in this position, so I admit to taking some liberties. **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen! They correct me when I am out of line, fix me when I am offbase and generally keep me from writing too out of whack to follow, which sometimes can be a hard task I know. Hugs!

_**Chapter 5 Part Two – Burn it to the Ground – Olivia POV**_

After taking a moment to enjoy my moment of peace and serenity, I grabbed my cell and texted my girls, Mel, Liz, Lex, and Case, with the following message: _Let's get this party started. Maloney's 9 p.m. We'll start Lex off slow, so she doesn't get scared of the heat! Love ya!_

I laughed to myself as I walked back towards my bedroom with the air of a teenage girl getting ready for her first big date. While it would normally repulse me to be giddy about anything, this was different. It had been forever since I had truly felt anything other than anger, self blame or numbness; so I decided that I was going to embrace it and hold on for as long as I could. It was a feeling I missed deep within, but had never had the ability to conjure up. Upon passing the bathroom, I stopped and turned slightly and looked in, like it was a museum exhibit. Since I had barely been sleeping lately, I had barely been home, which also meant that my weekly "me" time had long since been forgotten. I looked at my bathtub, and had the grandest of ideas. That it was time for "me."

I drew a long bath, added the bubbles with my favorite scent and curled up and let the warm water envelope me. I almost forgot how wonderful it felt to just relax for a moment. I sat back against the edge of the tub, and closed my eyes. I focused on nothing, and just enjoyed the peace and quiet that my mind was allowing me. It had also been a rare occurrence throughout my lifetime; that my mind ever quieted down. It had often proved helpful more often than not, but at times such as the recent it had become more of a hindrance to every day life. I was relaxing for some time, when I suddenly heard the distinct ringtone that Casey had set for herself on my phone going off in the other room. I grumbled and finished up my bath quickly before hopping out to grab the phone.

I missed the actual call, but listened to the voicemail on speaker while I got dressed.

"_So, Liv. Hear you had a fun day! What's the night going to be like?" She laughed for like 5 minutes before catching her breath. "See you at Maloney's."_

I laughed to myself and said, "Pain in my ass" aloud to no one. I knew that I was never going to hear the end of it from her. But that was how Casey showed that she cared. If she didn't joke with you about it, there was something wrong. That was how I always knew when she was pissed off at me.

I searched my closet for something to wear for a few minutes. I knew I was going to wear my black stiletto boots, now what to wear with them. I settled on a pair of tight black pants that hugged my butt nicely, and a nice red halter top with a brocade design. I put my hair up to show off the long silver earrings I had chosen and did my makeup just right. I was in the middle of grabbing everything when I heard a knock at my front door. I hurried to door and peered through the peephole and found Melinda looking back at me.

I swung open the door, and caught a glimpse of my beautiful best friend. This girl could dress! She always looked amazing. I let her in and reviewed her outfit. Beautifully simple wide-leg khaki pants, with a tunic tank in a deep chocolate brown with a simple wide belt across the middle. There was a sheer scarf around her neck and she completed the ensemble with some stylin' brown peep-toe stilettos and matching bag. She had let her hair fall naturally in its curls.

"Well, look who is the hot Mama tonight!" I said reaching over to give her a hug.

She swatted playfully at me. "Not doin' too bad yourself."

I checked my makeup in the mirror I had in the hallway. A decorating choice, not made by myself, but by the fabulous ladies I was going out with this evening. It suddenly hit me that I was supposed to meet her at Maloney's. I turned slowly and asked, "So, I thought we were meeting at Maloney's?"

"I was wondering when you were going to ask that." Mel said clearing her throat. "I had to come check on you and make sure you weren't already halfway through a bottle of Patron."

I just laughed. "Actually, I have not pre-gamed in the slightest, Mom. Want to give me a breathalyzer?" I asked sarcastically.

She huffed at me and said, "Really, Liv. Is it so out of the question?"

I walked over and patted her arm. "No, Mel. But, honestly, I have found a strange sense of calm."

She gave me a look of surprise before stuttering, "Is it the calm before the storm?"

I laughed again and took a seat on the couch. I had a feeling that we wouldn't be going anywhere until she got out everything that she had on her mind, which would actually be good because then she would manage to have some fun while we were out. "Have a seat. Let's get it all out there, so you can relax. It would be a shame to put that outfit to waste." I said patting the seat beside me.

Always wanting to see me fully when she was having a serious conversation with me, she would always sit where she could look me fully in the eyes, so she instead chose the ottoman across from me. I leaned back in and waited for the onslaught that was just boiling over in my best friend.

"Liv, what's going on with you today? First, you go off on Stabler and get suspended, and have almost no explanation. Then you go home and don't even attempt to break into the office for information on your latest case, you actually listen to Cragen and stay home. Then I come here, and find you almost cheerful. It's like you are bipolar or something. Are you high?" She asked seriously.

I knew that if I laughed she would kill me, but I found it hard to even believe that she had asked me if I was high. I took a deep breath, and choked down my laughter to answer in the same tone she was asking. "I snapped this morning. El and I have had our issues and we need to get them straightened out, and apparently this morning the combo of his attitude and my lack of sleep collided in an unfortunate manner. I didn't exactly do as Cragen asked, I called the office to check on the case, and got threatened with my job. Finally, I am in a good mood, I had a good day after all. I feel relaxed and ready to go out with my girls and be me. And I am definitely not high, but I will likely have more than a few drinks later."

Melinda continued to look at me with the same level of concern. "Are you sure you are ok?" She questioned.

I took a look at her and then looked past her to the bookshelves that lined one of my living room walls. The only pictures that could be seen were pictures of my co-workers/friends at various and assorted events and outings. There was one with all my ladies, which would probably be repeated tonight. Alex was really big on memorializing our events with photography. There was one with me and the guys. There was another with just Elliot and myself. Alex had again caught us as we walked out of the squad room headed to serve a warrant she had just provided. She had called our names, and just snapped it for some reason. We never asked why, just accepted it. That picture brought tears to my eyes because for years, it had always been Stabler and Benson, and in one night that had all ended for awhile. It took me a few minutes to refocus and get back to scanning the other photos. I then fell across one with just Munch and I, which was a very rare photo, and one that I had forgotten all about. I had never realized how much he had cared about all of us in the squad until this morning. It was definitely something that I was going to need to thank him for, all that unnoticed support over the past few years. Who knew he had such a big heart?

I was startled out of my thoughts by Melinda calling my name. "Where did you go?" She asked.

I looked at her and smiled. "Into my pictures." I laughed nervously at how it sounded and then continued. "Just thinking of how grateful I am to have all of you to look after me. Even Munch was freaking out today. I never even knew he had such a big heart. I mean I have seen him with victims, but this was different." I looked up at her and said the most important thing I would ever say to her. "Thanks, Mel."

She smiled. "It's our pleasure." I cocked my head at her, because I knew it was not always easy to look after my stubborn, hard-headed self. She laughed a little. "Ok, most of the time."

I playfully swatted her and said, "So, are you convinced that I am working towards healthy?"

She nodded with a small smile. We both got up and walked towards the door. As I went to open it, she put a hand on mine. I turned towards her and she said, "Thanks for looking out for me too. I appreciate it, even when you force me out of my house for a night of god knows what."

I laughed and pushed her out of the door. "You know you love it!" I exclaimed as I locked the door and we walked down to catch a cab to the bar.

When we got to Maloney's, we found ourselves to be the first ones there. So we grabbed our favorite table and ordered a round of frozen margaritas. I yelled back to Charlie, our favorite bartender, "And you better use the Patron, or I am coming back there to make 'em myself!" We both started laughing and sat down.

"So, who do you bet will be the latest?" I joked with her as it was common practice that both Alex and Casey, who was the other half of our ADA Dream Team, were always late for everything, except court.

"Definitely Casey. She was a hot mess when I saw her leaving tonight." Melinda laughed as she sipped her drink. "So, what did you end up doing with yourself today?" She asked.

I took a moment to reflect on whether or not I would tell her about the visit with Nathan Phelps. Then I decided that it would be best because it would help her understand my good mood. "Well, first I slept, like a whole six hours, can you imagine? Then I got in trouble for working the case from home. Then I went out to lunch with Nathan Phelps and then I got ready to hang out with you." I blurted out quickly. Then I downed the rest of my margarita and signaled Charlie to send over another.

Melinda slowly put hers down, and I saw the wheels in her head moving around at rapid speed. "Nathan Phelps? Why do I recognize that name?" She inquired.

"He was the child of a murder victim on a case that I worked a few years ago. He had stayed at the station for a couple of nights, and then had shot the murderer but got off on a technicality."

I saw her face light up as she remembered the case. "The one where the National Gun Association called all of you, including Liz to a civil suit, is that correct?"

I nodded. "Yes that's the one."

"How did you end up in contact with him again?" She asked with a worried tone creeping into her voice.

"Calm down, Mel. He came to the station looking for me, and Munch told him where to find me. He took me out to lunch to say thank you for everything I did back then…" I stopped mid-sentence as if I was unsure if she would accept the next part.

"What else, Liv?" She asked picking up on my hesitation instantly.

"He wants me to be more involved in his life. Like go to his honors night and what not." I said nonchalantly.

Melinda's face lit up like the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center. "That's so nice. Are you going to do it? Will you be ok?"

I laughed a little at how she was always a mom. "Yes and yes. I love the idea. He was always one of my favorites."

Melinda was about to continue when Alex, Liz and Casey all showed up at the table. "Who's your favorite, cuz I know it's not Elliot," quipped Casey as she reached over to give us both a hug.

I hit her on the arm. "Brat. Don't worry about it. Worry about getting the next round since you are mad late."

She made a pouty face and then walked over to the bar. As she walked away, I checked out her outfit for the evening. Again, my friends could dress. She was wearing a pair of beautiful jeans embellished with rose vines up and down one leg, with a lose pancho shirt which hug off one shoulder and strappy gold sandals. Man, if I was a lesbian, I thought to myself with a chuckle.

Liz looked over at Casey and then back at me and said quietly, "Hands off my merchandise." I looked back at her and laughed. It was a common joke between them that Casey was hers. It was probably unfounded but I would not put it past either of them. But it was also something that I was not interested in getting confirmation on.

"No worries, Judge. I think I have my eyes set elsewhere these days." I winked at her.

Alex interrupted the conversation by getting in my face and snapping, "So, how on earth do you think you are going to get away without telling me that you beat up Stabler?"

I shrugged and took a sip of the drink that Casey had brought back to me. I was about to answer when Casey said, "Probably because you never gave her a chance to speak, when you called to wake her out of a dead sleep and yelled at her for not being around." She turned to me and said, "Was that about right?" I laughed and nodded unable to speak.

Alex huffed and sat down and started drinking her drink. I noticed she was going all pouty on me, so I knew I had to lighten her mood or she would not continue on with the evening, and seeing her do Karaoke would be too classic that I just had to get her to talk. I knew just how to lighten her up. I walked to the bar and asked Charlie for two Blue Eyed Blondes. It was a shot I had discovered when I first met her and always used it to cheer her up, since it described her perfectly. That and I truly hated it, but she loved the face I made when I drank it, so it always worked. I walked back to the table with the drinks and slammed one down in front of her.

"I didn't have time to tell you. I kicked the crap out of him. It's over now. Now stop pouting and drink this damn Blue Eyed Blonde, so we can get to the Blow-Jobs!" I took the shot and grimaced the whole way, but she laughed hysterically and drank hers down with a sweet smile.

"Fine, but only because you drank my drink." Alex responded. She walked to bar and I noticed that she was overdressed as always, but looking lovely. She wore a nice black pinstriped dress tank top with a pair of black dress pants, and the black dress heels I was sure she had been in all day. She killed me.

"I swear she has to own at least one pair of jeans. How did she end up here in work attire, Casey?"

Casey laughed and said, "I tried, but she was determined to wear that top. She swore it was hot. So I just gave up. At least it wasn't a complete suit."

I laughed. "True be that," was my only response before Alex returned with a tray full of my favorite shot, Blow Jobs. A shot that required shooting without using your hands.

"Alright, ladies, let's get this party started." I yelled handing out the shots.

Liz tried to protest but I put up a hand as if to say I was not listening. "Liz, you are not a judge right now. Drink or be warned of the consequences."

She glared at me and responded, "Be careful, Detective. I can make your life hell."

I turned to her and said, "Who is the Detective? Cuz I am just Liv tonight. Now drink." I laughed to myself as I turned to the table and looked around at all my ladies preparing for the shot. This was my ritual of the evening. I knew that Liz hated the shot, but again we always had the fight and she would go ahead and shoot it after all. It was merely a pretense now, as if it wouldn't be the same if she didn't put up a fight. Just as we were about to go in, Alex yelled, "Stop, photo-op" after which she snapped a photo and we took the shot.

We continued to pass around assorted drinks and conversation for another hour or so. Then Casey stood up and announced, "Round two. Gather your coats ladies."

I laughed and grabbed my purse. We all hit the bar to pay our tabs to Charlie Maloney before we headed out. As we hit the door, he yelled "Be careful, ladies!" He always yelled that whenever we left, as if he would miss us if we never came back.

We started walking towards downtown and I instantly knew where we were headed. This was the part of the evening that Liz and Alex were surely going to hate, but this was Casey's favorite place to go. We had to indulge her sick fascination for Karaoke every once in awhile.

It suddenly hit Alex where we were going, when she saw the neon sign for Winnie's. She stopped in the middle of the street and yelled, "Oh hell no, Casey! I am not going in there."

Liz grabbed her and pulled her along, "Let's go. Liv drank that nasty drink, I drank the other nasty drink. You will go to Karaoke."

Alex, who was already fairly inebriated, stopped fighting and walked along with her. "Fine. But I am not drinking or singing."

Melinda and I laughed aloud. That was what she always said. We turned to each other and said, "We shall see."

We walked in and Casey headed straight for the Karaoke book to sign up, while Liz hit up the bar to get some martinis. It was then that I noticed that she had chosen to relax her ensemble a little for the evening. She had chosen a nice pair of jeans, which was enough of a shock to cause me to grab Melinda's arm and make her look too, and a sheer tunic revealing a rather low-cut tank top underneath. She topped the outfit off with a pair of stilettos similar to mine. I must have been staring because when she came back, she said, "Problem with the drink order, Benson?"

I shook my head no, and struggled to regain control of my breath. But Melinda helped me out. "She was admiring the outfit, Liz. Nice to see you dressed down."

Liz smiled and said, "I can come out and play sometimes too."

We clinked our glasses in cheers fashion, and turned to the stage where Casey had gotten up to sing her first song, _Lips of an Angel._ We all looked at each other confused and went along with it. This girl and her karaoke, was all I could think in my head.

After Casey tried, unsuccessfully, several times to get Alex to come up and sing with her. Melinda and I decided it was time to get the ladies out on the dance floor. "Want to go to Pulse?" I asked her as we grabbed our stuff to go. She gave me a big smile, as I knew that was her favorite place to party with me. It was not necessarily the girls' idea of a good time, but we liked to get our groove on.

I turned to the ladies and yelled, "Time to get our Pulse on!"

We walked up the street for a few blocks before catching a cab the rest of the way. Once we arrived, I told the ladies to wait at the door and I would grab the bouncer. He was a friend, always on hand to let me in.

"Hey, Billy, you going to let five hotties in to party this evening?" I asked winking at him while I slipped him a twenty.

"Anything for you, Liv. Bring 'em on up."

And with that we were past the line and into the club. We spotted a table in the back and I grabbed the nearest waitress walking around with the test tube shots and jello shots and bought her whole tray, and asked for a second round. I was done playing nice, these girls were going to get their drink on, as was I. It was time to let loose.

Melinda shook her head as I arrived carrying the tray, knowing what I had in mind. "You are out of your mind!" was all she said.

I passed around the drinks and they started flowing as freely as the hip-hop music. Melinda and I got out there and shook our "groove thing" on a regular basis, but the rest of the girls remained at the table.

On one of our breaks from dancing, we got back to the table and found the girls in a very interesting discussion, which was never a rare thing at our nights out.

"I totally think he's hot, I would definitely do him given the chance." Casey said.

Liz laughed and said, "He would not be my first choice, I would definitely go after Cragen instead."

I gasped. "Whoa, people, what was in those shots? What on earth are we discussing?"

Alex, Liz and Casey all laughed hysterically at my question for a good five minutes. I looked at Melinda quizzically. She just shrugged her shoulders back at me and threw back another shot with me, while we waited for them to fill us in, and one turned into like 12 because they couldn't stop laughing.

I turned to Melinda and said, "Well I guess we got them drunk. How come I'm not drunk?"

She laughed and said, "Because your tolerance is a lot higher, and you haven't drank nearly enough. Have another." She handed me a new batch of test tube shots, and we proceeded to drink and dance for a couple more hours.

Finally, when the room started to spin a bit more than I was comfortable with, I looked at Melinda and said, "Melly, I think its time to sit down."

She laughed and grabbed my arm and helped me to my seat at the table. The girls were still laughing like crazy. "So, this one is toast. How are you all?"

"We are doing just fine." Liz said while struggling to not laugh and hiccup at the same time.

Suddenly, it hit me that I still didn't know what Liz was going to do with Cragen. "So, Liz, what are you doing with Cragen?" I peered hard at the judge, attempting to intimidate her, but it appeared I just made her laugh harder.

Alex answered me instead, "Oh that. She's going to take him for a few rounds in her torture cell." With that she nearly fell off her stool laughing, but I was still fairly confused, maybe it was the alcohol or maybe I just wasn't following.

I looked at Melinda and whined, "Melly, they are not playing nice. I want to know."

She just laughed and motioned for me to sit down. "Ladies, if I have to hear her call me Melly again, we are going to have problems. Spill it for the lovely detective."

I pouted and said, "Melly, I am not a detective tonight. I am just LIV!" I tried to stand up and make my point, but stumbled slightly, which killed my point, so I just sat down quietly.

Melinda glared at me. I knew she hated when I got a little too tipsy, and particularly when I called her Melly. It just tended to happen more often when I got tipsy. "Dammit, tell her!"

Casey sat up straight and struggled to maintain a straight face. "We were discussing the guys and who we would sleep with, Miss Whiney Pants!"

I hit her on the arm and scrunched up my face. "Really? So who are your choices?" I was intrigued as to where everyone's minds were, and who would speak up first.

Liz was the brave one. "I said I would take Cragen on a round or two. Maybe a bounce with Munch or Stabler, if I had to choose a youngster." With that she burst into laughter, along with the rest of the table.

Once they calmed down, Alex spoke next, "Stabler is the only one I would go for. Fin is too crazy and the rest are too old for me." That killed me, I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair.

Casey spoke next, "I am not really particular. I would take any three of the Detectives, but Cragen's all yours, Liz."

"Wow, that's special, Casey. You got a wide strike zone, huh?" I joked with her.

"Shut up. Would you even dare to ponder the thought or are you too professional for impure thoughts?" She dared me.

"I haven't really thought about any of them. Now that I know that disgusting information about all of you, I am going to drink to forget and dance 'til dawn. Coming, Mel?" I pulled her arm towards the dance floor with me. I was willing to share my soul, but only with a select few.

Melinda rolled her eyes at me and said, "I suppose, but only if Casey will come too."

Casey shrugged her shoulders and got up. All three of us went to the dance floor and were grooving, and throwing back a few more shots each time the test tube ladies walked by. While we were dancing, I leaned over to Casey and said, "I'd do Munch."

She stopped suddenly, stared at me and then started laughing hysterically. "I never would have thought that you'd go for him. Finn maybe, Stabler definitely, but Munch never."

Melinda suddenly caught on to our conversation and gave me this quizzical look. "You and Munch, really?"

I nodded shyly, and stopped dancing. I looked at my girls, and said, "I have had enough to drink. I am ready to go."

Casey and Melinda nodded to me and we walked off the dance floor to the table. Melinda spoke first, as I leaned heavily on Casey, as the room was spinning wildly on me. "Alright, ladies, it's time to go. Who is going where?"

Alex smiled and said, "I have Casey and Liz at my house. So looks like you are stuck with Liv, unless she has somewhere else in mind."

Casey looked at me and said, "Yo, Dizzy One! Where you going to sleep this off?"

Without even the slightest bit of thought of the words coming out of my mouth, I said, "You know where I would go."

Casey smirked at me, nodded to Melinda and said, "I'll take her."

Melinda pulled me aside, making the world spin a little more. "Are you sure, Liv?"

I just nodded and walked off with Casey. We all met up outside of Pulse to catch our cabs and say our goodbyes.

Everyone told me to call them if I needed anything and hugs were shared by all. Then Casey said, "I'll make sure this present gets where she is supposed to be."

With that everyone bid us good night as we crawled into a cab. "Casey-Bee, where are we going?" I asked her lazily as I tried to focus my eyes without much success.

"To where you want to be, hun." She said petting my face.

I did not recall much of the ride in the cab. When we got out, I asked Casey, "Where are we? What are you doing?"

She just laughed and walked up to the apartment building's intercom system. She pushed a button with a name that looked remarkably like, Munch, but I was sure she would not have taken me seriously. "We are not at Munch's place are we?" I asked.

She just laughed at me again, and it was then that I knew that I was in big trouble. The buzzer went off and we walked into the building and took the elevator up. I was barely coherent enough to deal with the movement, but knew I was going to have to explain myself soon. How would I ever explain this?

_**Author's Note:**_ I know that we would never see Liv or the rest of the gang truly drunk. So I had to wing it. I went with my own personal style and group of people as inspiration. And I figured that Liv would either be really cute and what not or a belligerent drunk if she was mad. Hope everyone can take this moment of serious OOCness. Thank you.


	10. Chapter 5 Part 3

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** I am thankful to all of you who are still reading this fic. I hope that you are enjoying it. I am updating as often as my little muse, who looks a bit like our heroine here, lets me. Our heroine is still a little OOC, but she's working her way back! **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen! They correct me when I am out of line, fix me when I am offbase and generally keep me from writing too out of whack to follow, which sometimes can be a hard task I know. Hugs!

_**Chapter 5 Part Three – Photograph – John Munch POV**_

I sat staring at the Christmas Party photo from a few years back, a tradition amongst the crew started by Alex. It was almost like a cast photo. It had been taken prior to the events of recent years, which could be told simply by looking at our faces. These days we wore a more haggard look. Years of dealing with harder and harder situations on a daily basis could cause a person to age.

My hair was certainly greyer. Alex and Casey's innocence had worn off. Elliot and Finn both looked much angrier with the world these days. Cragen carried a few extra pounds than the years prior.

And Olivia…poor Olivia. She definitely had a different expression now, it was much more hardened. But even so up until this evening, I had thought that I knew at least a piece of her. Now I just felt like a useless person standing on the sidelines.

I thought back on a conversation I'd had with Finn after she left for the day. It had begun with me expressing my frustrations about always being in the dark and unable to help those closest to me.

He had said, "Well, eventually we come around."

I argued that wasn't good enough. At which point, he reminded me that I was no more an open book than the rest of them.

My final words had been "Well, maybe its time for things to change. I want to be there to help the only family I've got."

He said back, "You know how to help our baby girl; you just have to get her to let you." With that he patted my shoulder and left for the evening.

I had followed behind shortly afterward, exhausted by the day's events. Upon arriving at home, I had settled in with some light background music from the radio and a beer. I had planned to find some dinner, but instead I had managed to spend my evening admiring the photos of my "family" strew around my living room.

I had known that I had always cared about Olivia, after all she was part of the squad and a friend. But for some reason, today really bothered me. I couldn't pinpoint if it was because of all the things I had not known or if it was just because the events of today were so out of character for her. Either way it was getting to me.

I was startled from my thoughts by knocking at my door. I struggled to get my eyes to focus on the digital time on my VCR. I swore it said "4:38" but that could not be right. However when I checked my watch, it confirmed the same. I say the photo back down and walked to the door.

I peered through the peephole and saw Casey staring back at me. "That's strange," I thought to myself as I unlocked the door. "Casey, what are you doing here?"

"Hey Munch," she said smiling to me. I noticed that she was struggling to support someone or something around the corner of the doorframe, and that she also appeared to be at least slightly intoxicated.

"Case, are you drunk?"

She just laughed and said, "Maybe. But I am here with a delivery." With that she let go of whomever she was supporting and I saw Liv stumble forward.

"Whoa sweetie," Casey yelped as she was reaching out to grab Liv before she tumbled down the stairs. She struggled to hold up the dead weight on her, so I stepped forward and helped Casey move Liv into my living room.

"Hey Munch, whatcha doin' here?" Liv slurred to me as we set her down on the couch.

I chuckled, nervously looking over at Casey and said, "I live here."

"Why am I here?" She asked.

"Good question." I said again looking to Casey for answers.

Casey just smiled mischievously and said, "This is where she wanted to be. See ya." With that, she booked out the door before I even had a chance to blink.

For a moment, I just stood there alternating looks between the door and Liv. Finally, I realized that I needed to do something, since it was quite obvious that she was beyond her usual limit of alcohol. I grabbed a glass of water and some Aleve from the kitchen and brought them back into the living room. Upon arriving, I saw that Liv had made herself quite comfortable on my couch, curling up under the blanket and using my spare pillow, always on hand when I couldn't sleep after a rough case.

I walked quietly over and said, "Liv, take these. You are going to want to."

She looked up at me with the innocence of a child. "Why?" was the only thing that she said to me.

It was at that moment, I had a feeling I was in for a long night. I set the Aleve and water down on the table, and then made myself comfortable in the easy chair beside the couch. I pondered arguing with her about taking it, but knew that it wouldn't get me anywhere. So we just sat in the quiet for a spell. Then suddenly she sat up off the couch, like something hit her. She turned to me with an alarmed look on her face and simply said, "Bathroom." I knew exactly what was about to happen and ushered her quickly off to the bathroom. I waited patiently in the living room for what seemed like an eternity, with the water and Aleve in my hand.

About 20 minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom, her hair a mess and her face red, but with a sheepish grin on her face. "So, am I going to hear about the fact that I puked in your bathroom for the rest of the week?" She asked.

I burst out laughing, knowing very well that at some point it probably would have crossed my mind, but I just shook my head no. She had had enough to deal with thus far this week; I decided that I would not add to it. She took the Aleve and water, which I had been holding out for her before I dropped during my fit of laughter.

"Ok, I am holding you to that." She said with a slight chuckle. "Wow, I drank A LOT tonight! It's been awhile since I hurled after the fact. Sorry about that."

I chuckled with her. "Well, you did have a bit of a rough day. Maybe you were entitled?"

She nodded taking a swig of the water. "You could say that. But it ended up being a pretty great day, despite everything from last night. Sorry you got involved in that mess."

I just shrugged my shoulders. "What are friends for? I just wished that I could have done more. Keep me in the loop from now on?"

She smiled coyly at me and said, "Depends on if you can handle being in the loop."

I tossed a pillow at her and said, "I can handle any loop given to me, missy. Just try me."

"Really huh?" She said getting up and walking over to my chair. "I bet I can think of a few loops that might be a little rough for you to handle." She said flirtatiously.

I knew that the innuendos being passed around were not common place for Olivia, but I was enjoying her playful manner. It was not often, if ever, that I got to see her in this light. I had to admit, it was definitely piquing my interest. I looked up into her eyes and said, "Nothing's too rough for me, I have been around all the blocks you have only dreamed of honey."

She laughed aloud and walked in her bare feet into my kitchen, like she owned the place. I heard her rustling around in the fridge, and knew she wouldn't find much. "Damn, you have less food than me. I didn't think that was possible." She came back out empty handed other than some more water.

"Want me to order something?" I asked grabbing the phonebook and looking out to see how close to daylight we were. The pizza place on the corner also delivered breakfast as soon as the sun was up.

Olivia looked like she was pondering it for a minute before she shook her head no. Apparently, the idea of eating was better than the thought of actually eating so far. "Pass" was all she said in return.

I decided that now was a good a time as any to see if I could find out why she had been dropped off at my doorstep. "So, Liv, why are you here?"

She laughed and said, "I missed my boys. Cragen would've killed me if I went to the station this early, Finn's doing his thing, and well El, you know how that goes. So you were the best one of the bunch. Why? Aren't you enjoying our little visit?" She winked at me as she got up and turned up the stereo. The song blaring out of my radio was _Party Like a Rockstar_. She grabbed my hand and said, "Come on, dance with me." And for the next few minutes, I attempted to maintain a cool composure as Olivia performed some of the sexiest moves I had ever seen. At some point, I must have stood still because she started laughing and said, "Don't drool, John, its unattractive."

I laughed and grabbed her arm back as _Photograph_ came on the radio. "You think that was dancing?! This is dancing." With that, I took her for a spin around my living room, complete with a few spins and turns of my own. Years of dancing at weddings had finally paid off with a serene moment of dancing with a beautiful friend.

As the song came to a close, we parted ways awkwardly and made our way back to our prospective seats. I looked at my watch as I saw the sun was definitely making an appearance in the morning sky. It was nearing 7 a.m. We had to be in for 9. I looked at Olivia who was comfortably curled up on the couch with a goofy smile on her face, but her wide brown eyes staring back at me. "We have to be at work in two hours." I waited for a response but got nothing but staring in return. "Liv, did you hear me? What are you staring at?"

She smiled wider and said, "At you." She suddenly sat up straighter and her face turned serious. "I think I am seeing you in a different light, John. I like this fun side; you should bring it out more." She got up and patted my shoulder and walked towards the bathroom. "You have a towel and an NYPD hoodie lying around?"

I smiled a little to myself as I watched her walk away. I was definitely seeing her in a new light as well, one that I was definitely interested in seeing how it shined in the end. "Going on no sleep, I gather. Yea I'll grab them for you." I got up, grabbed a towel from the closet, and hunted down my rarely worn NYPD hoodie. The shower was already going by the time I had everything, so I knocked on the door.

"Come on in." She said from in the shower.

I nervously opened the door so that I could place the items in the bathroom for her. "Here you go." I quickly walked back out, careful not to glimpse anything that I should not have. I was not sure I could handle such a view at this point, plus it felt more like voyeurism than anything else.

A few moments later, she emerged from the bathroom with a towel on her head, in my hoodie and her jeans. She looked just as beautiful as she did when she arrived. She was beautiful no matter what she was wearing, that was something that I had always known.

"Made coffee while you were in the shower. I am going to get cleaned up and then we can head out."

She laughed and said, "I'll grab coffee on the way. I have had your coffee but thanks for the effort. Hurry up so we can get out of here. I am going to have to change my shoes before Finn gets in or I will never hear the end of it."

I chuckled to myself and hit the shower. Within 15 minutes, we were headed out the door and to work. You would have never known that she had partied until dawn, except for the fact that she still had her fancy boots on, rather than the normal plain boots she wore to work every day. I could tell she was ready to get cracking on the new case. I, on the other hand, was a little nervous at what she would meet upon her arrival at the station. As we got closer, I could sense her tense up a little as well.


	11. Chapter 6 Part 1

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** I am thankful to all of you who are still reading this fic. The song may not make sense right away for the chapter, but think about how Liv tackles her job every day. That's how I took it. **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen! They are probably a little tired of hearing me bounce ideas off them, but I am happy they are there. Let's get this party moving along.

_**Chapter 6 Part One – Next Go Round – Olivia POV**_

I stood in the elevator next to Munch, feeling the tension build as we got closer to our floor. I prepared myself, by listing out the things that I had to do upon arrival.

_Change shoes and brush teeth_

_Talk to Cragen_

_Move my desk_

_Rock this case (Suspects, Witnesses, Maybe Go through Apt again?)_

The sudden ding of the elevator announcing our arrival startled me from my thoughts. As the doors opened, I nodded to Munch and prepared to walk to the crib but found my path to be blocked by Finn.

"Check out who rolled in off the party scene." Finn said chuckling.

I just rolled my eyes and prepared to walk around him to get to the crib, but he stepped in the way again. "Finn, what's the deal, let me go change. I have work to do." I moved him out of the way and headed towards the crib. As I got closer to the squad room, I overheard a conversation between Cragen and Elliot.

"You are not to speak to her, touch her, or in any way attempt to contact her, until I say so. Am I understood?" Cragen sternly ordered. "She will partner with Finn. You are with Munch. If this is going to be a problem, your shift will be changed. Am I clear?"

"But, Captain…" Elliot started.

Cragen quickly cut him off. "It's this or one of you loses your job. Take your pick."

My breath was caught in my throat for a moment. I had known that there would be consequences for my actions and I was completely prepared for them, but it still hurt to hear such hard words from the Captain. I took a moment and shook it off and walked into the squad room, head held high. I heard Finn and Munch follow in behind me.

Completely forgetting my plan to change my shoes and freshen up, I walked straight to the Captain's office, where he had returned to while I caught my breath, avoiding all eye contact with Elliot.

"Captain…" was all I managed to come up with.

He looked up from his desk. "Liv, I moved your stuff. Finn's your partner. Don't talk to Elliot, touch him or attempt any other contact with him. Anything involving the case will go through your partners or myself. You are the head detective. Get cleaned up and meet us downstairs. And Liv, remember your job depends on you keeping your distance."

I knew better than to say anything further, and just nodded and head out the door. I headed straight for the crib. I quickly got changed and headed back downstairs. I almost instinctively headed for "my" desk, but thankfully Munch was sitting there to remind me that we had swapped spaces. On my desk, I found a coffee and a post-it that said, "Welcome to this side of the room, Partner." I laughed aloud and made myself comfortable, rearranging things a little to make it more my speed. I knew that Cragen had tried, but we all have our place for certain things, and so I just fixed it up a touch. Then I quickly brushed up on the case, to get ready for the briefing. Finn and I conversed quietly about a couple of the journal entries that we had discussed the previous day, while we waiting for Cragen to finish up.

"Where are we at?" He said startling me from my thoughts.

I got up quickly and walked to the board reviewing the case notes as I walked along. We discussed the patterns of the victim and her various acquaintances to see if we could come up with a motive. I threw out there, "So that no one else would have her? Jeffrey Donovan seemed to have a special interest in controlling her."

I heard a hmph from Elliot, but ignored it and continued to go on. "It also seems as though her "friend" Amy Harden had some jealousy issues of her own. Have we gotten anywhere with talking to Lacey?"

He spoke up suddenly from the back. "Lacey was no help. She did not have any knowledge of the problems mentioned in the journal."

Cragen spoke up. "She may need to be revisited, Liv. We didn't have all of the journal details when we spoke with her. Why don't you and Finn go track her down and speak with Donovan? Elliot, you and Munch find Amy Harden. Let's see who has the biggest streak of jealousy."

I nodded to Finn and grabbed my coat and headed for the door. We hit the car at the same time, but I let him drive, knowing that it would give me a little time to catch a few zzz's here and there throughout the day. We rode in silence for a few blocks, before Finn spoke up. "You doing ok, Liv?"

I looked up at him and smiled. "Yea, it's a little different, but going well so far." I turned and looked out the window. It was somewhat the truth. I was not really okay, but I was not in the mood to talk. There was nothing that could change the state of affairs at the moment, and I knew that it was going to be this way when I walked in this morning. But that did not make it any different. It did not change the fact that I did not have a best friend any longer, and that I was not even allowed to speak to him. In addition, it was his own ignorance and piggish attitude that had landed us here and that was the part that killed me the most.

Suddenly, I heard Finn clearing his throat. I looked up and realized that we were outside the Prickly Pear. "Let's go find Lacey and see what she can recall."

I nodded to him, put my game face on and walked into the club. I spotted Charlie at the bar, and walked up to him. "Hey, Charlie. You seen Lacey around today?" I asked.

"Hey, Detective. Yea, she's in the back. Thought she had answered all of your questions." He returned with an inquisitive look.

I smiled. "I just want to review a few things with her. Do you mind introducing us?"

He smiled back. "Sure, no problem. Any leads on Janie's killer yet?" He walked us to the back. "Hey, Lacey. Come on out, the Detectives have a few more questions for you." He yelled to the back.

"Thanks, Charlie." I said walking around him to get to the area where Lacey was seated. I purposely avoided his question, as it was an ongoing investigation, and he was not entitled to such information, in case he turned out to be less benign than he appeared.

"Hey, Lacey. I am Detective Benson. Do you mind if I ask you a few more questions?" I took a seat next to her as she continued to do her makeup without responding. "So, I understand that you met Janie through your pole dancing class. How did the two of you become friends?"

Lacey looked up at me with wide eyes, but eyes that had seen a lot of the harsher sides of the track. She was not one who carried Louis Vitton and wore Prada shoes, as Janie did when she worked on Wall Street. She was also a lot younger than I had thought that she would be. She could not have been more than 22 or so. It almost broke my heart, as I never got used to the sight of smart girls being in places that they should have never found but did because of life's circumstances. Lacey took a breath before she responded. "She couldn't do some of the moves at the start of class. We got to talking when I gave her some tips. We would hit up this coffeehouse around the corner, and she just listened to me. Anyway, that's how we started talking. I thought that I had told the other Detectives everything that they needed to know." She looked away from me, as I could tell that talking about Janie was hard for her. I knew that I had to tread softly, but firmly.

"I found a journal at Janie's apartment. She talked about having a hard time with Jeffery Donovan at work. Did you know anything about that situation?" I pushed forward.

Lacey stood up quickly from the chair, almost knocking it over. "I don't want to talk about that situation." She started pacing the room like a caged animal.

"Lacey, I need the information in order to be able to figure out what happened to her." I knew that there was even more to the story than the journal entailed, and I was getting the feeling that it also involved Lacey somehow.

Finn spoke up quietly from the corner. "You can talk to us, we can help protect you. You just have to trust us."

Lacey glared at him. "I trust no one. Look what happens when you do." She continued pacing the room.

I thought for a moment, and then realized I had to pull out the move. It's the move that I always did to get a victim/witness to trust me and spill their beans. I walked up to her, grabbed her arms, and stared hard into her eyes ~ and spoke. "Lacey, I need to know. I will do whatever I can to help you, just as much as I plan to help Janie. Now, please tell me."

Lacey looked up at me, a moment of weakness and innocence in her eyes, and then quickly looked away. "Listen, Janie ended up getting herself in her own shit. I am not going to go down like that. I have nothing to say to you. I gotta do my show." She brushed past me without another word and headed for the stage.

I looked at Finn and shook my head. I knew that we were not going to get anywhere with her. But I did have an idea. "Finn, know anyone in Vice? Maybe we can get someone to sit in here and let us know if Donovan comes in."

Finn nodded his head and grabbed his phone. "I have some contacts. I'll call Cragen."

We walked out of the club and headed for the car. By the time, we were sitting in the car, Finn had set up everything with the undercover cops from Vice. "Cragen says that they won't be able to sit on her long, but at least for the next couple of days. Seems they may have some other interests in the club as well."

I did a doubletake at him and said, "Other interests?"

Finn grinned and said, "That I may have informed them about my suspicions on."

I laughed. "You never know someone until you work with them, huh?" I said winking at him quoting a line he had used on me years ago.

He laughed a little too and we drove off to Donovan's office. We arrived at the enormous skyscraper within minutes, and took a few minutes to work out our game plan. I decided that I wouldn't go after Matthew Hailey just yet as he was likely to lawyer up the moment he saw the shield. We rode up the elevator and I tried to keep myself from getting angry so that the conversation would yield some useful information. I knew that it would likely not work, so I decided that Finn should take over on this one. "You work him."

As we got off the elevator, Finn nodded. We walked up to the receptionist's desk and Finn asked for Mr. Donovan. The receptionist asked us to take a seat as he was just getting out of a meeting, but that his secretary would be down for us shortly.

My impatience grew as the secretary took her time getting to us; at least that was how it felt to me. Yet another indication that it was best if I did not take the lead on this questioning session. We followed her into the back and waited for a few more minutes in Jeffrey Donovan's office. I took note of the surroundings. Very simple, plain and extremely neat. No family photos, or personal effects. This office could have belonged to anyone. It was a common feature of the control freak. He walked in and greeted us with the salesman smile. It made me cringe from the tips of my toes to the top of my head.

"What can I help the fine officers of the NYPD with today?" He asked taking a seat behind his desk. Like he was in the control seat. My blood continued to boil. I wasn't sure if it was the man itself, or the knowledge from the journal that had me hating him already, but either way, he got under my skin by just sitting there.

Finn spoke quickly to prevent me from any sort of outburst. "I am Detective Tutuola and this is Detective Benson. We just have a few questions about an acquaintance of yours."

Donovan nodded and said, "Anything I can do to help. Care for some coffee or tea? We can have a seat over here on the couches if you would like." Getting up and walking over to the living room like set in his office.

We both nodded our heads no, and said that we were fine. "Are you sure? These are very comfortable." Donovan prodded.

Neither of us took the bait, and Finn just continued with his questioning. "How well did you know Janie Oliver?"

Donovan reluctantly took a seat back at his desk, obviously annoyed that he could not get us to move to the couches. He took a few moments to straighten things on his desk, and then spoke up. "I only knew her as a co-worker when she worked here."

Finn and I showed no reaction to his somewhat nonchalance to our mentioning of the victim. Finn continued with the questioning. "How long did she work here?"

"A few years I believe. I am not in charge of HR so I don't keep track of that sort of thing."

"Did you work closely with her?" Finn asked again trying to get Donovan to admit that he had greater interest in her without asking directly.

"We had a few small projects together, but nothing major. Can you tell me what this is about?" Donovan asked as he shifted in his chair. Something about our conversation had made him uncomfortable. I wanted to smirk a little, but I kept my facial expression just as blank as his office.

"I am sorry, Mr. Donovan. We thought that you had heard. Ms. Oliver was found murdered yesterday morning. We are just trying to learn more about her and her acquaintances to see if she had any enemies. Were you aware of any enemies that she might have had?" Finn asked with a calm professionalism.

Donovan did not acknowledge any part of Finn's question. He merely stood up and said, "I apologize, Detectives, but if this is all, I have a meeting that I need to get to."

I opened my mouth, but then closed it quickly. I knew that there would be no point in continuing the conversation, as he would just request a lawyer. So we thanked him for his time and walked out.

As we got to the car, Finn turned to me and said, "Man, you were about to explode in there. What was that about?"

"He's just such a prick. He reminds me of that guy from the Romanian nanny case I worked when I first got to our unit. So controlling and pompous that he thinks that no one knows he's a complete ass." I growled out the words as I spoke them.

"Alright, but we still gotta work out all the stuff before you can slam him against the wall. So do us both a favor and calm down before you screw us. We will get him."

I nodded at him and proceeded to look out the window. "I hope John and Elliot have gotten further than we did today. Let's head back to the station and see what they have for us."

He nodded at me and drove. "So, what were you doing last night?" He asked with a quirky grin on his face.

I gave him a skeptical look and said, "Why? What do you think I was doing?"

He laughed, and said, "Don't play with me. You came in with John, in John's sweatshirt. What were the two of you up to?"

I burst out laughing. "You have to be kidding me! Me and John? Really? What was in your coffee this morning?" I jested and continued to look out the window hoping that my face would not reveal anything.

Finn faked a cough and said, "Bullshit."

I attempted to glare at him, but ended up laughing because of the look on his face. He always did that to me, even when he was pissed off at me. "Fine, I did come in with him, but I merely slept there after an extensive night of partying with the girls. How did you know?"

"I knew it! How on earth did you end up at his place?" Finn exclaimed.

"Detective Tutuola, how did you know?" I asked staring him down. I really wanted to know what the giveaway was from this morning.

He laughed a little, before saying, "The sweatshirt."

Confused, I simply said, "Huh?"

"Yours is worn on the edges of the cuffs because you practically live in it. His has never seen the light of day until today, therefore no worn edges. Had to be his shirt since the two of you came in together. Plus I knew you didn't sleep at home given the shoes you were rockin. Those were not work shoes." He winked at me as he parked the car in the garage underneath the stationhouse.

I just pursed my lips, and laughed a little, despite trying to hold it in. Maybe this partnership wouldn't be so bad after all, I thought to myself as we worked our way upstairs to the squad room.

My good mood would be short-lived, I learned as I exited the elevator on our floor to find Elliot waiting for me.


	12. Chapter 6 Part 2

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** I am thankful to all of you who are still reading this fic. The song may not make sense right away for the chapter, but think about how Liv tackles her job every day. That's how I took it. Additionally, I do not have a medical degree and while I try to do research and make sure that I get everything as realistic as possible, it may not be completely there.. remember its only fanfiction. **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen! They are probably a little tired of hearing me bounce ideas off them, but I am happy they are there. Let's get this party moving along.

_**Chapter 6 Part Two – Next Go Round – Olivia POV**_

As I came off the elevator, I tried to avoid any eye contact with Elliot, but he made it almost impossible by standing in my way. However, Finn had my back and said, "You know the deal, Stabler, take a hike."

Finn took a stance in between the two of us, allowing me to walk to the Squad Room without having to blink an eye in his direction, but that did not stop me from hearing as he ripped Finn a new one. "Will he never learn?" I thought to myself.

"No one can stop me from talking to her." He spat out.

Finn's reply was short and concise. "It's your ass, dude, in more ways than one."

I heard footsteps coming up quickly behind me, and prepared myself for what I felt coming. I planted my feet firmly on the ground and stood stiffly looking at the case board. And then it came, a sharp tug on my elbow.

"Come with me. We need to talk." He whispered sharply in my ear.

I ripped my elbow from his and spun around on my heel. "Have you not learned? Do not touch me. And I am not losing my job over you. Do your job." With that, I walked out of the room and headed to see Melinda. I needed to get out of there.

As I waited for the elevator, I anticipated him coming after me, but he showed restraint that I did not think existed in his being. Cragen was the first person off the next car to stop on our floor.

He greeted me, "Going somewhere, Liv? How's the case coming?"

I smiled at him, pretending like the exchange had not occurred. "Going to see Warner. Have some questions about our victim. Be right back." He nodded and I got onto the elevator.

A few minutes later, I arrived in Melinda's office. She was on the phone, but pointed to the chair, and I took a seat. My mind must have wandered off because shortly after I was startled by her saying, "Liv, whatcha need?"

I shook my head a little to get back into the game. "I wanted to know if you saw any signs of previous injuries on our victim?"

"Are you talking abuse?" Melinda inquired further as she got up and walked into the other room, where we found the x-rays hanging. "I haven't had a chance to look over her films yet. Give me a second."

I peered over her shoulder, and while I could tell a significant break or damage, I really couldn't tell much more than that. I admitted that it was not something that I had picked up over the years, although one might have thought that I would have after all the time I spent in this office looking at films.

Melinda sighed, and I knew that it meant there was history. "It appears that she didn't really ever suffer significant damage. But it does appear that there may have been some sort of unexplained injuries, but I would need to see her medical records in order determine if it they came from abuse. None of the standard signs that you would expect to see. Why do you think that she was abused?" She turned to me.

"A hunch. Something points to a possible abusive relationship; I am just trying to figure out how to prove it. He seems to have gotten to her closest friend in some way. So I am looking for other options." I said my voice drifting as my brain started looking at the crime in every way possible. I had to get more information. "Gotta go, Mel."

With that I walked out of the lab and headed back to the squad room, Elliot be damned. This was my job, my case, my life and nothing would keep me from it. I strode off the elevator and headed straight for the board.

"Munch, what's up with Harden?" I spoke loudly looking at the crime scene photos, waiting impatiently for him to speak.

Munch came and stood by me. I heard the others file in behind him, all of us gathered around the board. "That one has a jealousy streak in her for sure. She knew of the relationship with Donovan, but "assures" us that she doesn't know any details. I think that's bull."

I stopped him before he continued. "Real bull or conspiracy bull?" I asked pointedly not wanting to mix his "personal" feelings with his actual investigative facts.

He gave me a roll of the eyes and grumbled, "Real bull. The chick is hiding something because I noticed a photo of Donovan on her fridge. When I inquired about it, she clammed right up."

"Interesting. Was it just him or the two of them?" I questioned trying to see if maybe these two friends shared more than just details about their love lives, but the actual guy as well. I looked over at Munch just in time to see a huge grin growing across his face. That gave me my answer. "So Miss Harden and Mr. Donovan seem to be an item, huh?"

"Don't know if it's a current thing, past something or something that she fantasized. She might have a few screws loose this one. She seemed to envy every part of our victim's life. It was almost a little scary. It's a site to see." Munch said taking a seat on the edge of the desk. I waited for an opinion from Elliot, but he appeared to have nothing to add.

I cleared my throat and continued on. "We saw Donovan. Got stonewalled about halfway through, but he definitely did not like talking about our victim."

"Or the fact that Liv and I were quite comfortable sitting in the chairs, rather than on the couch." Finn quipped up.

I smiled remembering his irritation. "He reminded me of that guy from the Romanian nanny case years ago. The feeling that he thinks that he can control every little thing down to the number of drops of creamer in your coffee. Anyway, I went to the lab to see if there were any signs of abuse, but nothing definitive. Warner is going to try to see if she can find anything, but I am not expecting anything."

Cragen came forward and took a moment to mull over the board. This was him thinking. At this point, I needed all the ideas I could get. Every lead we had was ending up bust. It was weird. "You get anything from Lacey?"

I had almost forgotten that we even talked to her this morning. Finn spoke up quickly and said, "She clammed up as soon as Donovan was brought up. I think that this guy has made his way around for sure, scaring the hell out of all the ladies he comes in contact with."

A light bulb went off in my head. "Does Donovan have any training in medicine? Or does he have access to medical supplies? Warner said that the cuts on the victim were made by a scalpel, which of our suspects would have access to that type of instrumentation?"

Munch pulled up the background information that we had on each of the suspects. "Seems that Amy Harden did a stint as a veterinary technician for awhile before taking on her current profession. Donovan, on the other hand, is a partial owner of a stable with the partner in the firm, Matthew Hailey."

"That gives him access to drug and the scalpel; and her access to the information about the drug to use. They have to be working together. They both appear to have motive as well. Donovan is mad because she spurns his advances; Harden is jealous of everything in her life. Donovan uses Harden to get the information that he needs from her, both in regards to killing our vic and where to find our vic. Harden thinks she's getting a piece of her vic's life by picking up her sloppy seconds." I said, throwing the theory out there.

Cragen spoke up first. "Sounds like it could work. Anyone talk to Hailey yet? I want his take on Donovan."

Finn spoke up first. "We didn't get a chance to talk to him yet."

"Alright, Elliot and I will go out and talk to Hailey. That way he doesn't automatically call his lawyer when the cops roll through his doors for the second time today. I am sure that Donovan has already spoken to him, but we may get some questions answered if it isn't you two who go down there." Cragen said grabbing his jacket. "Liv, why don't you go with Munch to see if you can get anything further from Harden."

Finn spoke up quickly. "I am going to hit the club again, check in with my guys and see if I can get more information out of Lacey."

We all dispersed to our separate directions to see if we could get these people talking.


	13. Chapter 6 Part 3

**Legal:** I only play with Olivia and the others when Dick Wolf and NBC aren't holding them hostage… I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** I am thankful to all of you who are still reading this fic. The song may not make sense right away for the chapter, but think about how Liv tackles her job every day. That's how I took it. **Thank yous!** – To my three betas… D, S, and Karen! They are probably a little tired of hearing me bounce ideas off them, but I am happy they are there. Let's get this party moving along.

_**Chapter 6 Part Three – Next Go Round – Olivia POV**_

I caught Finn's eye as we left the squad room and he winked at me. I could only imagine what he was thinking, but I knew it had to be mischievous.

"You sure you are up for this one, Liv? Seriously. There is something going on with her." Munch said as he pushed the button for the elevator.

I laughed a little and said, "Let's get it done. I am ready to put this one to bed."

"So you can get to bed?" Munch said chuckling as he got into the elevator with me.

I hit him playfully on the arm. "And so…"

We rode down the elevator in quiet silence. I tried to remember everything from last night, and while most of it was there, I still was curious to know if I had possibly done anything that might have made life just a little embarrassing, other than going to his apartment, of course.

As if on cue, Munch said, "Don't worry, Liv. Nothing bad happened last night. We had some good conversation and good fun."

I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "Thanks, John. It has been a crazy couple of days. I just want to get this case squared away, and then maybe curl up for like a week."

Munch looked at me taken aback. "Is Detective Benson actually admitting that she might need a break? I am shocked. It cannot be. Are you feeling ok?" He reached his hand out like he was going to feel for a fever but I slapped it away, and we proceeded to fight like a couple of best friends as we walked through the parking garage, garnering more than a few strange looks from our fellow officers, but we did not care.

We both fell into the car in a fit of laughter. It took about five minutes for us to get it together enough for Munch to start driving to Harden's apartment in the Bronx. We drove along, occasionally still bursting out into silly laughter. We were about 5 minutes away when the mood in the car changed.

"I am going to let you take the lead on this one, Liv. I tried talking to her before, but I think that I just rubbed her the wrong way. Maybe you can work your charm. But she is slippery like a snake, so be careful." Munch said as he parked the car.

"Sounds like a plan. Got anything I should know?" I asked wanting to be completely prepared for anything with this interview. I had a feeling that she held a key piece to the puzzle, and I was refusing to leave today without it.

Munch shook his head no as we walked up to the door and Munch rang the bell.

"Yea, who is it?" came a gruff voice from the other end.

"Ms. Harden, it's Detective Munch again. I just have a few questions for you. Do you mind if we come in for a few minutes?"

The buzzer rang as our answer. We walked through the door and I followed Munch up five flights of stairs in the rundown apartment building. I could definitely see why she would have been jealous of her friend's success. I figured that I would use that to my advantage.

We walked carefully through the already open door to her apartment. We met her in the middle of her living room. The apartment was small, and messy to say the least. But it was furnished with a strange assortment of Walmart items and some higher class items, like from Pier One or Pottery Barn. It was like she was trying to upgrade her apartment, but not being able to afford it. It always confused me as to why people tried with that style. It was really better to just dress it up with the nice stuff from Target, with a few nice accent pieces, not a complete mix of the two. I did a little shake of my head to bring myself back into the present.

"Hi Amy, my name is Detective Benson. Detective Munch thought that it might be easier if I came along this time so that you could speak to a woman. I know it must be hard having lost your best friend. Can we have a seat?" I asked as I pulled out a chair at the kitchen table, which looked like the safest place to sit down.

"What more could you possibly want from me? As you said, my best friend is dead." Harden said as she fidgeted in her seat across from me.

"So, how long have you been friends with Ms. Oliver?" I started off slow hoping to build up some trust.

"Years. We grew up in the projects together, back when she wasn't too good to come around these parts."

"Did her success on Wall Street take her away from here?" I inquired hoping to bring out the jealousy streak to see how deep it was.

"No, that girl ran like the wind as soon as she graduated. She went to college and never came back. Even when she was in college, she still refused to live around here, even though she still went to college in the City. Instead, she lived in a big loft with a bunch of artists in the Village. At least here, she would have had her own room, but no it was not good enough for her." Harden's voice got increasingly menacing with each word she spat out.

"So, you always felt that she thought she was better than you?" I asked.

"She said so. She was always pushing me to work harder. She never shared what she had. She had everything that she needed and then some, but would she share… no. Not even with the friend who kept all her secrets for all those years." Harden got up and walked around her apartment looking for something. I let her take a minute while I used to the time to survey the kitchen. I found the picture on the fridge of Donovan, and agreed with Munch that there was something up there.

"Ms. Harden, can you come sit back down?" I asked trying to calm her into finishing out conversation.

She came back to the table with reluctance after finding a cigarette and lighter. As she puffed away, I continued my line of questioning. "What secrets did you keep for her?"

"Family stuff. Relationship stuff. Everything that best friends share. I don't really blame her for leaving here; she had it rough while she was here. I just think that she could have taken me with her." Harden said with a sudden quietness, which seemed strange in comparison with her earlier mood.

"Speaking of relationship stuff, did you know anyone that Ms. Oliver was involved with romantically?" I treaded carefully with my questioning, hoping that I would be able to lead her to the conversation about Donovan without her noticing.

"She had a few boyfriends, but nothing terribly serious. She did have this guy at work who was super rich and totally into her, but she said that she was not interested in him. Who would not be interested in a rich guy?" Harden spat out as she violently stubbed out the butt of her cigarette.

"Do you know the name of this guy?" I inquired pulling out my pad.

"No, I don't. She did not share that information with me. But that's okay because I got her in that category. I have landed myself a nice rich fellow of my own." Harden gushed.

"Well that's good for you." I mocked my impressed attitude, and saw that Munch almost lost it from behind Harden, but he kept it cool. "Is that him on the fridge?" I said nonchalantly.

She smiled and got up to retrieve the photo. "Yes, isn't he a dream?" She said coming back to the table. As she sat down, I saw that she had some pretty extensive bruising along her arms, which had been hidden by her sleeves until she pushed them up in her excitement of telling me about her boyfriend.

I smiled and nodded at her. "So, what's his name?"

"Jeffrey Donovan. We have been together for about six months now. He is the best." She picked up her phone and jumped up. "Oh, it's almost time for our date tonight. Do you mind if we move this along?"

"Sure thing, wouldn't want you to be late for your date. Just one more question, do you still keep up with your veterinary technician skills?" I asked pointedly showing that I was not going to deal with her lying.

"Yea, I take a few classes now and then. Why?" She glared at me as she spewed out the words.

"Because your best friend was killed with Acepromazine. Have any thoughts on that?" I pushed further.

She laughed aloud and said, "Nope. I wouldn't even be able to get access to that drug since I don't work in the field any more. Fitting end though."

"Really now, why so fitting, Amy?" I snapped at her.

"Because she was on enough tranquilizers to anesthetize a whale regularly as it was. That girl was forever doped up. Now you have to leave. I have to get ready." She said pushing us out the door.

I handed her my card. "If you happen to remember anything else, call me. We will be in touch, believe me." I said loudly as she slammed the door.

I looked at Munch and shrugged my shoulders and headed down the stairs.

"Nice work, Benson."

I gave him a little wink and shrugged my shoulders as we got into the car. Just as I sat down, I received a text message from Finn. It simply said, "Having fun yet, Baby Doll? Don't forget who your partner is. I got some stuff for you! Meet me at the house. I want details ;)"

I burst out laughing. Munch gave me a strange look, but then reached for his phone at the same time. Shortly after looking, he also burst out laughing.

We looked at each other and said, "Finn" and continued laughing as we headed to the squad room. We were still laughing as we got off the elevator and almost bumped smack into the rest of the squad.

"Someone had some fun." Finn whispered to me as I sat at my desk attempting to drink some of the coffee that was left from the morning.

Once we had settled down, the Captain returned from his office and inquired about the investigation. We each passed around the information that we had.

Munch and I informed everyone about how the victim and Amy Harden had grown up together, but that Harden was clearly jealous that the victim had made it out of the projects, while she was still stuck there. "She also confirmed that she and Donovan have been an item for about 6 months and that she keeps up with her veterinary technician skills. Finally, she mentioned something about the victim having been on assorted medications routinely. I didn't see anything around the apartment to suggest such a thing, but I will check with Warner to see if she saw anything to suggest that."

Finn announced that Lacey appeared to have been on edge for most of the day after having received a phone call after one of her sets. "Apparently, she is really good at what she does, but they said after the call, things went down from there. They said that they will sit on it for a few more days, to see if anything pops."

"Donovan must have set out a warning to keep her mouth shut." I spoke up from my seat at my desk. "I am going to call Alex or Casey and see if we can get a warrant for TARU to dump the phone records for the victim, Harden, Donovan, the Club, and any cellphones." Cragen gave the okay with a nod as I picked up the phone and dialed.

A few moments later everything was in motion. "Casey is going to bring it straight to TARU when she gets it, and they will call me when they find something."

I stood up and started pacing the room, thinking about what else could be done to prove which one of our suspects was the killer. I knew I must be missing something. I went to my own little world, where I thought about each detail of the crime scene and the people involved with our victim. As I was going through the mental filing cabinet I had on the case, my cell went off with a shrill, yelling out the words to my favorite Nickelback song. I rummaged through everything on my desk to find it, and when I picked it up I could not help but laugh. It was a text message from none other than my partner, who was sitting across from me.

It read, "Pacing for answers to your love life." I threw a crumpled up piece of paper at him and went back to the board for more answers.

Cragen came up behind me and whispered, "Go get some sleep, you look like you can use it, Detective. We will call you if we hear from TARU."

I looked at him and wanted to argue, but realized that I did not really have it in me. It was unlike me to be unable to push through my exhaustion, but it had been an eventful few days. So rather than argue, which would have been a more normal course of action, I just shrugged my shoulders and followed Finn out, who had risen out of his chair as quickly as Cragen had approached me.


	14. Chapter 7 Part 1

**Legal:** I borrowed Olivia to give her some much needed happiness, totally plan to return unharmed. I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** So, its been forever since an update, and I do apologize for that. But I am back in the action. So thank you all for continuing to read.. lets get into some good stuff now. **Thank yous!** – To my beta KK… she rocks it! I know she wants this sucker to move along as well.

_**Chapter 7 Part One – This Afternoon – Olivia POV**_

Finn and I rode in silence for a little while. I was thinking about the case, and then my mind started to wander to an unexpected subject… Munch. I shook my head as if to make sure I was still myself, but the thoughts were still there. It was interesting how in the last week, he seemed to preoccupy my mind more than he had ever before.

Finn must have caught a glimpse of me shaking my head because he soon spoke up. "Something bothering you, Liv?"

I looked over at him, and he had this strange look on his face that was a combination of mischievous and worry. I just burst out laughing, since when I get tired I tend to either get silly or bitchy. Thankfully today I was just full of the giggles.

"Well, for someone who just got kicked out of the squad room, you sure are in a good mood. That's certainly different for you." He said laughing along with me.

I took a deep breath to control my laughing, and responded, "It sucks. But Cragen was right. I am exhausted and spinning my wheels. Normally, I would fight him, but I figure its best to listen to "Dad" these days until this week blows over."

Finn just laughed harder. "You are probably right." He choked out. Suddenly he turned to me and simply said, "You know he's loved you for years, right?"

My head nearly spun off my neck as I turned to face him. He shocked the hell right out of me. "Who? I know a lot of hims." I stammered.

He just shook his head and said, "You know who I am referring to. You need to just go for it. He thinks you won't give him the time of day."

"Why would anyone think that about me? Wait, who are you talking about? What are you talking about?" I spat out, wanting to understand what he was saying.

"Come on, Liv. You are not that clueless are you?" He paused and looked at me. I am guessing that my expression told him everything because he continued, "You ARE that clueless. Damn! Munch."

I did a double take and just barely whispered, "What?"

"You heard me. We have not had a direct conversation about it, but he truly loves you. He just doesn't think that you would have time for him. After all, there is the slight age difference, and also you tend to go for guys of a different personality."

I laughed a nervous laugh and just shook my head. I couldn't tell if I was just in shock or if I truly was in a state of disbelief. Then slowly I felt the heat creeping up in my face as the excitement tingled into my being as the words that Finn had just said seeped in.

Unfortunately, Finn caught a glimpse of the red creeping into my face. "It interests you. I knew it." He said smiling to himself. If we had not arrived at my apartment building, I am sure that I would have never heard the end of it. But instead I merely heard "I will see you in the morning, baby girl."

I nodded and laughed as I got out of the car and headed inside. While I was exhausted, my brain would not give up trying to figure out the case at work. So instead of heading to bed, I merely curled up on the couch with some background noise and a glass of water. I stared out the window and reviewed every piece of evidence as if it was in front of me, but it was inside my head. It was upsetting to me that I could not figure out a way to crack the case and break Donovan. I always found a way.

I was interrupted from my thoughts by the vibrating of my cell. I looked down and saw that I had two new text messages. The first text message came from Elliot, and I rolled my eyes as I opened it. "Liv, we need to talk. We need to fix this." I gagged and moved onto the next message. This one was from Munch. "Wanna grab a coffee? I know you are not sleeping."

I laughed and responded, "Sure when and where?" I shook my hands as I noticed a slight bit of shake to them as a twinge of excitement ran through me. I nearly dropped the phone as it vibrated with his response. "Lucys in 20 minutes."

I hopped up and grabbed a quick shower to freshen up, but not look like I had made a huge effort. Then I grabbed my belongings and took off out the door.


	15. Chapter 7 Part 2

**Legal:** I borrowed Olivia to give her some much needed happiness, totally plan to return unharmed. I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** So, its been forever since an update, and I do apologize for that. Life has been sincerely insane, but I am finally able to make some time for this update. Thank you all for still reading. **Thank yous!** – To my beta KK… she rocks it! I know she wants this sucker to move along as well.

_**Chapter 7 Part Two – This Afternoon – Munch POV**_

I was reviewing some financial statements for Donovan when Finn returned from bringing Liv back to her apartment. He greeted me with a smack to the back of the head, and a nod to head up the stairs to the waiting area we kept for children and more sensitive witnesses. I put a marker in the statement I was reviewing and followed him up the stairs.

"What's up?" I asked as I sat down at the table across from him.

He just smiled at me and shuffled in his seat for a few minutes before leaning forward. "So I have some information that I think you could find useful. But its going to come with some ground rules."

I didn't quite follow where he was coming from so I just kind of stared at him quizzically. He must have seen the confusion on my face because soon after he started laughing. I just rolled my eyes and waited for him to complete his thought. Just as I was about to give up and head downstairs, he finally started to speak.

"You are interested in Liv, aren't you?" He asked bluntly.

I thought about whether or not I was willing to discuss this with Finn, but I figured it was better to face the topic head on. It sure beat the alternative of allowing him to tease me about it for the coming months until I did. I just nodded and looked away.

"Well, then you may want to seize the day, because your opening may have just arrived. However, you better not hurt her, or it will be my foot up your ass rather than Liv's up Elliot's. You get me?" He said glaring at me.

I just smiled to him and nodded. "Any thoughts on approaching the subject?" I inquired as it had been awhile since I had been in the game. This was one gamble I was not willing to risk, it was too important. She was too valuable as both a friend and a co-worker.

He almost started to laugh again, but saw that I was serious. "Just take it slow, she is still getting used to the idea. You know, Liv, she's gotta love the idea before she will take it on. Work with her, and you will have your shot." He got up and patted my shoulder. "The rest is all on you, old man. What she sees in ya, I will never understand, but as long as you are both happy, all is good in my world." With that he left me with my thoughts.

After about five minutes of digesting the news I had just received, I floated back down the stairs. I tried fruitlessly to concentrate on the task at hand of reviewing the financial statements, but my mind was darting back and forth from every possibility I could imagine with regards to how things could turn out with Olivia. I was not really looking for a forever kind of situation; I just wanted a shot to show her what true love was really all about. She deserved to have someone in her life to pamper her, even if it was short lived. I really just wanted to see how things would play out, and the chance to spend time with her outside of the squad room.

Finally, when I couldn't take it any longer, I pulled out my phone and shot off a text to her without thinking, "Wanna grab coffee? I know you aren't sleeping."

I held my breath as I waited for the responding vibrations of my phone. I looked up over my computer monitor to make sure that Elliot was not paying attention, when I saw him in his phone as well. I thought nothing of it and looked over at Finn, who promptly winked back at me. Apparently, I was not quite as subtle as I wanted to be. Finally, I got a response. I looked at the phone in trepidation and then hesitantly clicked the open icon. "When and where?" was what I got in return. I felt like a school boy because I had almost wanted to jump out of my chair. But I responded slowly, and then got up and headed into Cragen's office to let him know I was going to head out for awhile to get some air.

I knocked on his door and found him mindlessly munching on a Twizzler staring off into space.

"Captain, I am going to grab a coffee. I need to step away from the numbers for a bit. Want anything?" I asked as nonchalantly as I could muster, not really certain if I had pulled it off.

"Why don't you head out for the night? We are just spinning our wheels at the moment. Time away will refresh us. We will go in shifts. See you in the morning." He said still staring off into space, instinctively grabbing another Twizzler when he finished the last.

"You okay, Capt?" I asked suddenly concerned with his preoccupation.

"Yes." He said looking up at me. "Things just aren't right when they are fighting. They are best friends, and amazing partners. The squad is just different when they fight." He said as he went back to staring into space munching his candy.

I knew what he really meant was that things were not right when Olivia was not around, but that he could not say that. The months when she had been working with the FBI had been some of the longest months of my life.

"I get it." I said leaving him with his thoughts.

I strolled through the squad room to my desk. I quickly set my files on the case away in my drawer and saved the documents on the computer. I then grabbed my jacket, cell and keys and headed out the door without a single thought.

I pulled up to Lucy's coffee shop about 15 minutes later and saw Liv waiting for my out front. She looked amazing in a simple hoodie and jeans. I had always thought that she was beautiful, but I never thought that she would ever see me as anything but the old conspiracy nut that she worked with. But the past few days seemed to open a door into the possibility of exploring new relationship with her. I was not putting too many eggs into one basket just yet, after all my track record with women was less than stellar, and well known to Liv.

"Just hanging out or waiting for some fabulous lead to pop into your head?" I said walking up to her.

She just laughed. "My prince charming of coffee said he was buying, so I decided to come on down."

I laughed loving the reference to my horrendous coffee making skills, but also impressed that she recognized that I often brought in the good coffee when I knew she had been working a rough case for awhile. "Come on let's get some of the good stuff. I aim to please." I opened the door for her and followed her into one of our favorite coffee shops. We both grabbed our usual coffees and grabbed a table by the window.

"So how are you doing, Liv?" I asked carefully broaching the events of the past week.

She smiled sheepishly, and said, "As well as can be expected I suppose." She sat back and took a deep sip of her drink going to a different place for a moment.

I really wanted to help her get through the problems of the past week, but I really was not sure what help I could offer. Melinda had told me earlier in the day that I just really needed to be a friend to her and follow her lead in regards to the situation. Even Melinda had not been privy to a lot of what was going on in Liv's head yet. "Liv, you really have been through a ton in your short lifetime. I can hardly believe that you have not landed in the nuthouse thus far." I said with a nervous laugh hoping that I had not overstepped my bounds.

She looked at me with wide eyes and the serious look that told me I might have just shot myself in the foot. "John, did you really come out to coffee with me to talk about this week?" She asked with a little smile and wink.

I expelled a sigh of relief, and chuckled nervously. "Well, I really just wanted to hang out and grab some coffee. Get out of the office for a bit, but I managed to get the rest of the night off. You feel like going for a stroll with me? I just need to get some air and enjoy this beautiful weather."

She nodded and grabbed a refill before heading out the door. I followed and walked down towards the Greenwich Village area, where there were a number of small cafes, shops and bars strewn about. There was a lot of small talk along the way, and then we happened across a small street fair and farmers market being held along Bleeker Street. I found it interesting to see the different booths that attracted her attention. She perused over the handmade jewelry, the beaded bags and the little trinkets that each of the different booths had. At one booth, we had found a number of glass pendants that she looked over thoroughly before moving on. As she was distracted in the next booth, I went back and purchased her a small blue glass heart pendant. The gentleman offered me a string to go with it, but I chose to just purchase the heart to allow her the ability to design it as she pleased. I was not sure if she would ever wear it, as I had never seen her wear anything like it on the job. However, I thought it would be a nice gesture nonetheless.

As we continued to walk later into the evening, the comfort level on my part grew and grew. It appeared that Liv's nerves were also doing the same, as she seemed to relax out of cop mode slowly but surely. As we turned the corner, she quickly looked at me and laughed mischievously before grabbing my hand.

"Come on, John. You are going to love this place." She said dragging me into a darkened pub.

The name on the outside was Flannigan's. I followed carefully behind her, and almost lost her as soon as we entered the establishment. But I soon spotted her as she made a beeline for the bar, and I followed quickly behind. "Up for some Irish fun are we?" I asked as I leaned up against the bar taking in the scene.

She laughed. "Yo, Tony! Can I get a round here or what?" She yelled to the bartender, who nodded to her and started pouring two shots.

"I see you come here often." I said impressed that she was able to get such quick service at a bar in New York City, where it often took 15 minutes or longer to get a drink.

She smiled. "More than I should." She said as Tony arrived with her drinks. "But I love Tony too much to stay away." She flirted with the bartender.

My heart dropped about 20 stories at that moment, afraid that Finn was off base. "So is it the bartender or the drinks that keep you coming here?" I said grabbing the shot.

She smiled at me again and lightly hit my arm. "A little jealous, John?" She said with a wink. "It's actually for neither; it's for what is in the back room." She got up and started walking towards the back of the pub. She turned around to ensure I was following and nodded to me. I quickly rose and caught up with her, intrigued by what could be in the back of the bar, and I would have never imagined what I would have found behind those swinging doors.

As we approached the back, a woman came strolling towards us. "Liv, the Rockstar, you gonna make your first appearance in weeks? Your fans have missed you!" She said laughing and giving Olivia a hug.

Liv turned and looked at me and said, "Yea, Lil, I got a duet coming up in five minutes! Hit me with "Pour Some Sugar on Me."


	16. Chapter 7 Part 3

**Legal:** I borrowed Olivia to give her some much needed happiness, totally plan to return unharmed. I own nothing. I also don't own Nickelback.. or their amazing talent…..

**Author's Notes:** Alright its time for a little bit of romance. **Thank yous!** – To my beta KK… she rocks it! I know she wants this sucker to move along as well.

_**Chapter 7 Part Three – This Afternoon – Olivia POV **_

The look on John's face was priceless, and I almost died laughing, but I knew if I didn't drag him onto that stage immediately, he would bolt out the door. He attempted to stutter and stammer a bit, but I just smirked and handed him the microphone.

"You ready for some fun?" I asked as the music started. I took the shot that the bar provided each performer just as their song got started and handed him his. He downed it without a second thought and steeled himself as the words of the Def Leopard Classic rang out. I watched the words scroll across the screen, but knew them by heart from the many nights that I had sung them previously. John surprised the daylights out of me and kept up very well. I ceased an opportunity to be bold. Just as the words pour some sugar on me rang out, I slid down him like he was a stripper pole and back up. I saw the redness creep into his already warm cheeks, but he returned an equally sly grin. We completed the song and hopped down off the stage. I headed straight for the bar and grabbed a drink to cool down. I ordered John his favorite bar drink and turned around to give it to him, and found him to be quite closer than I expected.

"Guess, we can both play this game, huh?" He said winking at me.

"Nice to see you can keep up with me, old man." I joked playfully.

"Yes, but can you keep up with me?" He retorted.

I just laughed and said, "I have never had a problem in that area. Wanna get out of here?"

He just nodded at me and we headed towards the door. The cool air of the night was a pleasant surprise from the warm evenings that had been common place over the past few months. We headed uptown, back towards my apartment and the station house.

"I never would have pegged you for a karaoke girl." John laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh as well. "Me neither. Casey, Abby and I came here one evening after a rough case. Someone had recommended it to us, and we just had a really good time. We had made it a regular hangout for awhile, but now it seems that I am the only one who stops in. I like it because it has nothing to do with the job. It's a place I can go, and forget that I am even a cop."

He smiled sweetly at me. "It is nice to have that bit of escape every so often. I find myself strolling Central Park most of the time, when I am looking for my escape, but I always stay far from the Ramble. Too many bodies up there."

"Do you do anything else to get away from the depravity of society?" I asked curious as to how he spent his time away from the squad room, not that any of us had much free time.

"I actually tutor college students at the Criminal Justice College, and I also tend to frequent the local museums. I like to see what history they are allowing us to view." He laughed at his hint of conspiracy, which was always a topic of conversation with John. It was the one trait that I could take or leave, but knew that without it, he would not be himself.

"Do you have a favorite museum?"

"My personal favorites are the MET, and the American Gangster Museum."

I did a double take and asked, "Interesting choices. I get the MET. But the American Gangster Museum?"

He laughed and responded, "Yes, it just opened up recently. But it has some fascinating history of those who ran these streets. They helped build this city. They deserve to have the recognition of doing so. You should check it out sometime."

I took the bait, and quickly interjected, "Maybe you can show me sometime."

He smiled a little and nodded. After a few moments, he spoke up again, "So, what is your passion besides karaoke?"

I thought about the question for a moment because I really was not sure that I really wanted to share my passions, as they may not seem as appropriate hobbies for someone who worked in the department that we did. Finally, I decided that it could not hurt. "I actually work with several of the City's non-profit organizations that assist the victims that we work so hard to help. I find that it helps me to see the more positive aspects of the work we do. It has also helped me immensely as I have dealt with some of the similar issues over the past few years. I somehow come out of my volunteer experiences feeling at peace, which then helps me to heal myself and work on my own self-care." I looked at him waiting for some kind of adverse reaction, but he just smiled at me.

"You are always out to help another. I love that part of your personality. I am glad that you are finding ways to deal with the events of the past few years in a more positive and healthy manner." He paused as if he had something else to say but was unsure of how I would react.

"What?" I inquired.

He stayed quiet for a few more moments as we continued on our journey through the City. "Well, um.. I guess there is no easy way to ask this. What happened up in the Squad Room and on the Roof? How are you doing with all of that?" He asked carefully as if walking on eggshells.

It touched me that he was concerned about the events of the week had been affecting me, which was more than my ex-partner/former best friend had done. I smiled at John to ensure him that I was fine with him asking before answering. "Thank you for asking. I am doing okay. I feel a little out of my element with everyone knowing what happened at Sealview. But I also know that it is for the best in the long run."

"Liv, if you don't mind me asking, why didn't you trust us to help you earlier?" He almost whispered the question, as if unsure if he even wanted to know the answer. I was thankful that the neighborhood we were in was one of the quieter ones of the City, allowing me to hear the question.

"It was not so much about trusting anyone, as it was about believing that it was a burden I should have to handle on my own. After everything happened, I went through, and truthfully am still going through, a number of the emotions that our victims go through. The feelings of self-blame, especially since I work in the field that I do, were probably the most intense. Every day I wonder if there is something that I should have done differently, etc. As well, I am a private person who wanted to handle it on my own. Additionally, I did not want anyone, other than Fin who I had no choice in, to have any concerns with me doing my job."

We had found our way to a small park in lower Manhattan that did not have many other visitors. John chose a bench that was secluded from most of the rest of the park and took a seat. I sat down next to him and turned to face him. I saw that as usual his face wore its usual kind expression, which made me breathe a sigh of relief.

He cleared his throat and slowly started to speak. "Liv, if you cannot trust us, who can you trust? I learned that lesson a long time ago, but I know for certain that this squad is my family no matter what. In the long run, you all have my back no matter what, so I rest easy with that knowledge."

I laughed nervously. "John, I know that and I trust it. But I also know that there are times when we all keep something close to the vest just because we just want to be able to not have it all over the squad room. Or it's just something that we feel needs to be taken care of on our terms. This was one of those situations."

John laughed and nodded in agreement. "Well I guess you have a point. I am glad that you are willing to discuss it now though, and that you will let us help you as much as possible." He reached over and grabbed my hand, and held it a little longer than I expected. When he tried to pull it away, I squeezed tighter and held onto it.

"It's hard for me after all I have always taken care of myself completely, but I am learning to allow others to support me." I winked at him, and was surprised that he left his hand in mine.

We sat quietly on the bench for awhile just watching as the darkness of night came around us, lost in our own thoughts. It was one of the most peaceful moments that I had experienced in quite some time.

Suddenly, John looked at me with fire in his eyes. "Alright, I am just going to give this a shot and see what happens. Bear with me. I like you, really like you. I would like to take you out. I want a chance to show you how it's really done, what a lady should experience on date. Will you give me a shot?"

I smiled and laughed. "I would love it. The feelings are mutual, but let's just keep it between us, see how it goes. It is going to be awesome to see Finn tortured wondering if we are or are not checking things out."

He laughed and nodded. He got up and helped me stand up, still holding my hand, and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "Guess, I better get you home, Detective, so we can get some sleep and catch this bugger tomorrow. What do you say?"

"Sure thing. This case is pissing me off! I need to find the answer to catch this guy. Maybe a clear head after a fabulous evening will be just the thing to see what I have been missing."


	17. Chapter 8 Part 1

**Legal:** I don't own SVU characters or Nickelback ~ nor do I claim to.. I write for fun!

**Author's Notes:** So I haven't written in a lifetime, so if you are still around, thanks for sticking with my drought! LOL. Hope you all enjoy, hopefully we can wrap this up quickly.

I walked into the squad room the next morning with a cup of coffee in each hand and a renewed spirit, I had a feeling that I was going to catch this guy by the balls and I could not wait to get started on the case. I walked up behind John quietly, and leaned down and started humming the words to "Pour Some Sugar On Me." He nearly jumped a mile out of his chair, which caused me to laugh hysterically almost spilling the coffees everywhere, but we saved them.

"Don't do that!" He said as he caught his breath over the cup of coffee I handed him.

I just laughed and sat down to start plugging away on my computer. "What I don't get any coffee out of this deal?" Finn said coming in winking at me. I lifted my cup above my head and he stole a swig and put it back in my hand.

"You all share coffee?" John questioned.

"Yes, but don't worry, we never shared spit." Finn said taking a seat behind his computer. I nearly spit out the coffee and saw that John had turned a nice shade of pink as he turned quickly back to his computer.

"Ass" I mouthed to Finn across my desk, and then silently laughed to myself. Life in the squad room sure had been shaken up, but it seemed to be working in our favor.

I was working hard looking through some financial records to see if there were any signs of a veterinary visit or any other way that he would have gotten a hold of the tranquilizer. Deep in thought, it took a kick from Finn under the desk to get me to realize that someone was standing by my desk; I looked up into the eyes of Amy Harden.

"Amy, how can I help you?" I asked standing to greet her.

Her voice started a bit shaky as she whispered, "Is there somewhere that we can talk?"

I nodded and led her towards one of the empty interrogation rooms. We sat down at the table and I handed her bottled water that I had grabbed on the way in. She took it and began to fiddle with the label. I had a feeling that the break in my case was about to make its appearance from the source I figured least likely to help us out.

"Amy, what's going on?" I began to push her slightly to get the ball rolling. I knew enough to not push to hard for fear that it might be too much and cause her to shut down.

She looked up at me with eyes that were dark from years of living the hard life, but that still held enough innocence to be scared. "Umm, remember how I had a date with Donovan last night?"

I merely nodded hoping it would encourage her to keep talking, which it did as she continued. "Well we had dinner, and then he wanted to have sex, which was how things usually went. Only last night, he wanted to get a little rougher than he had ever been." She paused and took a drink of water. I silently prayed that Finn was listening from the other room, which I was fairly certain he was but a little prayer couldn't hurt.

"Did he hurt you?" I asked quietly.

She nodded as the tears started to well in her eyes. The cold heartless person we had seen earlier in the day disappeared as she began to tell her tale. "Umm, I woke up in the hospital this morning. The nurse told me the paramedics had been called to the hotel by room service, who found me unconscious when they came to deliver some champagne. He had ordered it when we checked into the honeymoon suite. I thought it was going to be our first really romantic evening, but it turned out so different." She paused as the tears fell and she struggled to catch her breath, all the while twisting a tissue in between her fingers. "Umm," she started back up slowly. "He wanted to strangle me, like he was making love to someone who was dead or near death. As I faded out, I heard him say, 'Now I have you where I have always wanted you, Janie!' I don't know what to do, but I think that maybe my thoughts on him were incorrect. He may have hurt her." She lost control of her emotions and turned into a sobbing mess.

"Amy, I am going to step out for a minute and get you some more tissues." I said patting her hand. I walked out of the interrogation room and into the prying eyes of Finn and Cragen. "So, where do we go from here? He has a pattern of rough sex behavior but nothing else. Did she ever filing a restraining order against him? Can we place him at the scene violating the order of protection? Have we heard from Lacey?" I spat out the questions as quickly as they came to my head. This break had my brain reeling.

Finn shot up from his computer and snagged a paper off the printer. "Restraining order still in effect for two more weeks, guess he couldn't wait?"

Cragen said, "Good this is a start. Now do we have anything that places him at the scene? Witness? Print? Hair? Drop of spit, I don't care! Find something to tie this bastard to that scene."

Suddenly, Elliot spoke up from the other side of the squad room. "Olivia, Melinda needs you." He held up the phone to me. I ran and grabbed the phone from him.

"Yea, Mel, what's up?" I said hurriedly, praying the whole time she had anything that would help with this case.

"I was cleaning up our girl to get her ready for transport, when I happened to notice a speck of something in the back of her throat that I had missed before. It's a piece of a business card. It made me empty her stomach contents, and the only thing I found was the rest of the card. It reads 'You will never forget me, bitch! Jeffrey Donovan'. I sent it to the lab for further analysis, but I dare say you nailed the bastard, but make sure you get his accomplice as well." I heard the grin on her face through the phone.

"Thanks, Mel." I said hanging up the phone and relaying the information to Cragen and Finn.

"I still wanna talk to Lacey," I said aloud. "I feel like she is key to the rest of this information."

"I agree, do we have a lead on her since she ditched the detail?" Cragen inquired.

"No, but let me have a chat with the bouncer." I said grabbing my keys and jacket. "Keep Amy on ice as a protection. He might be after her next, once he realizes that she is not dead." I flew to the elevator not waiting for anyone to come with me, but soon John caught up with me.

"Hey, Liv, care if I ride down with you?" He asked quickly as I jammed the button several times.

"Umm, sure. What's up, John?" I asked only half paying attention, watching the numbers on the elevator move slowly towards me. What I missed was Finn coming up short behind me and being waved off by John.

John and I boarded the empty elevator together and he spoke at an even quicker pace, which may have been the product of nerves or the haste of getting it out before others joined, but I almost didn't catch what he said. "Liv, when you solve this case, I would like to take you on a real date to a great Italian place, deal?"

I took a breath and looked at him and out of pure shock, I merely nodded for a minute before responding, "I would like that."

He smiled back at me. "Good, its time someone showed you how a real lady should be treated."

The elevator stopped at the garage where I saw Finn waiting with the car. I turned to John, winked and said, "Even more incentive to catch the bastard." With that I booked off to the car.


	18. Chapter 8 Part 2

**Legal:** I don't own SVU characters or Nickelback ~ nor do I claim to.. I write for fun!

**Author's Notes:** When the muse appears, she rains out words, otherwise they are locked up tighter than a nun's …. Never mind you get the picture….

I hopped in the car with Finn, ready for him to fly out of the garage, but he just sat there for a minute. Finally, I looked over at him to see what the issue was and just saw him staring at me.

"What? Are we waiting on something?" I asked impatiently.

"You know, you gotta share the details, right?" Finn asked with a smirk on his face.

"You don't drive, I am not gonna share the damn car with you, so how about them apples?" I snapped back attempting to hold onto my impatience, but failing slowly.

"Good luck with that since I already signed us out a car. Just agree to share, and I will move." He said starting to laugh.

"Fine, Finn. Let's just go get this shit done." I said trying not to laugh.

"So, you got some incentive to wrap this up quick, huh?" He said bursting out laughing and driving out of the garage finally.

I hit him playfully on the arm, "You are a jerk sometimes."

"Yea but this jerk saves your ass and makes you laugh all the time, so you love him. Now spit it out."

"He just told me that he had a great time at karaoke last night and would love to go ahead." I said while looking out the window, I did not want Finn to know I lied to his face, I just wanted to keep the moment to myself for a little bit longer.

"Well, look who is showing the old man how to have some fun. And he is making you smile too, plus Stabler is getting all antsy in his chair. This is a total win win for me." Finn laughed as he turned roughly into the parking lot of the bar.

It had barely stopped when we rushed into the place. I nearly ran right into Charlie in my haste to get inside.

"Whoa, Detective Benson, where's the fire?"

"Charlie, is Lacey here?" I demanded.

Charlie shifted his weight on his feet slightly and squared his shoulders. "NO." He said flatly.

"Charlie, she is in danger and we can protect her. Where can I find her?" I screamed. I was done playing nice, this needed to end and Jeffery Donovan needed to be behind bars as soon as possible.

"Yea, that worked real well for Janie. That asshole will get anyone you put in his way."

"Charlie," I screamed before pausing to process what he had said. "Wait, she knows Donovan is gunning for her?"

"Umm, yea, she would be stupid not to after the threats he has sent her." Charlie said with an attitude.

"Where is she? Where are the threats?" I demanded. "I just want to get to her before he does." I tried to get my emotions in check but the week's events made my fuse super short. "Goddamn it, Charlie, we don't have time for the bullshit."

Suddenly I heard a noise coming from the pole studio upstairs. I turned to ask Finn to check it out but he was already halfway up the stairs. I turned back to Charlie and said through gritted teeth, "I will not let the mistakes and misfortunes of Janie come to Lacey. That is my word. Now you can either help us or stay out of our way."

Charlie shrugged and put a finger up to signal to wait a minute as he walked into his office at the entrance. Within moments, he came out with a pile of papers and handed them to me. "Everything he has left for her throughout this club and on her car. If she has gotten others, I have never seen them. Please do what you can, her and Janie are/were my world."

"You have my word; it's about all I have in this world so it means everything." I said taking the items and turning to head up stairs to meet Finn, but he came down alone.

He leaned in and whispered in my ear. "You need to go up there. She is terrified and it seems as though he has already gotten to her. We need to get her out of here or she's gonna end up on Melinda's table next."

My heart stopped as he said those words. It meant that the rage he had released on Amy had not been enough to contain him for the night and he had come for fresh meat. I shoved the threats at Finn and hauled ass up the stairs.

"Lacey?" I called out as to not scare her with my presence.

I heard sniffling coming from the corner of the room far away from the crime scene tape that had surrounded the area where we had found Janie. I followed the sounds and found Lacey curled up in a ball. "Lacey, can I sit with you?"

She looked up at me with terrified eyes, but slowly nodded her head yes. As I sat down next to her I noticed that she had a number of cuts on her arms, like Janie had, and that she had a swollen black eye, along with a serious of other bruises. She needed to see a doctor, but I was going to take it one step at a time.

"Can you tell me what happened?" I asked after a few minutes.

Lacey looked at me and the hard shell she used to carry with her seemed to have completely disappeared. "Umm, well he got to me. I guess that's all there is to say."

"Who did, Lacey?" I asked knowing that I needed her to say it was Donovan as to not poison her mind.

"Donovan! Jesus, who else would do this to me?" Lacey shrieked.

I put my hand to her arm to calm her, but she jumped back. "Ok, I just needed to hear you say it. Listen, we need to get you out of here so we can protect you. Can you come with me to the station?" I wanted to get her out of the studio as soon as possible to hopefully ease some of the pain and see her in the light.

She shook her head no vigorously. "No, I cannot I am safe here. Charlie is here."

"Lacey, you are not safe here. Janie was not even safe here. Please come with me." I slowly got up and held out my hand to her. "I promise he will not come near you."

She looked up at me with terrified eyes, but slowly extended her hand. "Please don't leave my side. He is coming for me again, I know it. He said that he was not done."

I nodded slowly and walked her out of the studio and down the stairs. Finn met us at the bottom and we walked her to the car, where Charlie was also waiting for her.

"Lace, as soon as I get off I will come sit with you, but they will keep you safe until then." He said as he slowly gave her a hug and helped her into the back of the car.

Finn and I made sure the door was secure and then got into the front of the car and sped off towards the precinct. On our way, I sent two text messages.

The first message was to Finn, "Donovan said he was not done with her. He's coming for her."

The second message was to Wong, "Meet us at the precinct. We need a read on two vics."

Then as I thought about it, I shot off two more.

To Cragen, "Bringing Lacey in. She's beat up bad. Hide Amy somewhere. Wong and Warner should be meeting us."

To Melinda, "Meet us at the lab, I may need your medical expertise."

I looked over at Finn, who had just finished checking his phone and nodded to me. I looked down and saw that he had responded to me. "I had not expected any less. She needs a doc."

I smiled to myself, knowing that we always seemed to be in sync on some things. It was never more than just close friends, but I had always entertained the idea that he would make an amazing lover but that we would kill each other in the process. I laughed a little to myself as I revisted the conversation I always had in my head about it, almost forgetting where I was at.

Instead I responded to his text. "Mel and Wong are meeting us. Cragen's stashing Amy."

He pulled into the garage and signed the car back in as I helped Lacey from the car and guided her to the employee entrance elevator. This one would bring us to the opposite end of the squad room away from almost everyone. I brought her to the interrogation room off of Cragen's office and sat her down.

I took my jacket off and tossed it on the back of the chair, seating myself across from her. "So, Lacey can I get you anything – water or soda?"

She shook her head no and starting looking around the room, like many victims do, like they are caged animals. I hated that look because it felt like I was further traumatizing them when all I wanted to do was help them.

"Lacey, I know you are scared, but I promise you are safe here. I will do anything to protect you. I just need your help to do so. Can you walk me through the events of earlier today?"

She took a deep breath and grabbed my hand. I could feel her trembling through her hand, and it made my emotions explode. There was nothing more that I wanted than to rip this ass from stem to stern, but at the same time my compassion flowed like Niagara Falls. "I was leaving the club heading home to get some sleep before my dance class. I thought that someone was behind me, but I did not see anyone and just went on my way. When I got home, he was already at my door waiting for me. I turned to run but he grabbed me by the hair and shoved something sharp in my back forcing me into my building. I don't really live in a nice section of town, so we don't have any security really, so I just did as he said. When we got to my apartment, he said that he had something special planned for us. I tried to get out of it by saying I had dance class, but he said that I would dance plenty for him. I ran into the bathroom, but he quickly busted the flimsy lock and dragged me back out. He then blindfolded me and stuck me with a needle. That was the last thing I remember until I started to come to."

I held up my hand to interrupt her before I lost my train of thought. "Lacey, you said that he stuck you with a needle this morning?" She nodded. I quickly got up and excused myself.

I ran into the bullpen frantically looking for Melinda. I finally found her by the coffee machine, speaking with Munch and Finn. "Melinda, I need you NOW!" I screamed across the bullpen. She put her coffee down and made quick work of crossing the room.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Do you have anything that you can run a drug test with? She said that he stuck her with a needle this morning, right before she passed out. She may still have it in her system but not for long."

"Yes, I can draw blood and have her pee in a cup. We should really get her to have a rape kit done, Liv."

"I know. One step at a time. Let's see if we can get the drug test done at least. She is trembling like a leaf in a hurricane." I said attempting to reign in my impatience.

"Calm down, Liv. We got him this time. We just need the evidence." She said with her hand on my arm.

We walked back towards the interrogation room together, with a confident stride, as if we knew that we could get everything we needed from Lacey. I opened the door slowly and found her curled up into the chair ripping a tissue to shreds as tears streamed down her face. She looked up with terror in her eyes as I entered the room with Melinda.

"Lacey, can we do a test on you to determine if you were drugged this morning?" I asked as I sat down and reached over to grab her trembling hand.

"Hi Lacey, I am Melinda Warner, I am a doctor in the Medical Examiner's office. I would be able to take the sample right here, so you would not have to go anywhere else." Melinda said as she slowly approached the table, taking a seat in one of the extra chairs.

"Umm, will it help, Olivia?" She looked at me with questioning eyes.

"Yes, Lacey. And Melinda is a good friend of mine, so you can trust her completely." I said giving a smile to Melinda knowing that she had tested more than a few of my samples over the years.

Lacey slowly nodded her head yes. "Alright, what do I have to do?"

Melinda spoke carefully "I need to take a sample of your blood and your hair. I will be able to examine these to determine what you what substances are in your system. Did you take anything that we should be aware of?"


End file.
